Reader Question: Are There Any Secret Swinger Symbols?
Upside-down pineapples, garden gnomes, pampas grass, black rings and more.
Here’s a reader question that I’m happy to answer:
I’ve read that swingers have secret symbols they use to identify themselves to other swingers when in public. This makes sense to me since so many people who swing are secret about it and can’t exactly broadcast it. What’s the real scoop on this? Asking for a friend…ha!
There are urban myths that garden gnomes, upside-down pineapples, wedding rings on right fingers, black rings, pampas grass, pink flamingos and the list goes on all potentially identify couples and individuals who swing. While there may be a basis for some of that — and Lauren and I, like other couples, do occasionally have fun with the mythology of the lifestyle — we think much of it is overblown.
Then again, we’ve heard old-timers who have been in the lifestyle for a long time talk about how various “secret” symbols had more significance decades ago than they do now. These days, you don’t need to worry about such symbols to find others in the lifestyle. There are brick and mortar swingers clubs in every major city (we’re longtime members of two such clubs), private lifestyle clubs that meet at members’ homes for parties (we’re members of a few) and apps that help swingers connect (we don’t use apps). We’re so entrenched in the lifestyle now that it all kind of sustains itself. We have more than enough couples to play with.
As for the “secret” symbols, despite what I erroneously wrote in this post, the upside-down pineapple does have some play in our lifestyle. When I wrote that no one is into the upside-down pineapple, I hadn’t checked on that with Lauren. The fact is that Lauren has a necklace with an upside-down pineapple charm that she’s had for years and recently started wearing to our clubs and when with other couples, and she also wears anklets at our clubs — another potential swinger symbol. If you ask her why she now wears her upside-down pineapple charm, her response is, “I’m proud of who we are and this reflects that.” A few months ago, we both got small upside-down pineapple tattoos on our hips. For Lauren and me, there’s pride in her bisexuality and also in our lifestyle.
There are some common features of a residence where lifestyle gatherings take place, including our own home, which we’ve remodeled to better-accommodate all kinds of debauchery with our friends. In our circle of friends, “entertaining” means sex parties. Most of us have at least one of the following (but not always) in our homes: hot tub(s)/jacuzzi(s), sauna and/or pool. Most of us own a lot of bathrobes and towels. We like houses with lots of full bathrooms and bedrooms (our home has six bedrooms and seven bathrooms — we are privileged and we know that). We like large living rooms with lots of places to sit, especially sectionals with washable upholstery. Large basements are great, too. At least one bar. We enjoy living on properties with maximum privacy, typically in the way of fencing and trees (pampas grass is good for privacy, by the way). We like large, private back decks. We all tend to have boxes of condoms, dozens of containers of lube, lots of vibrators, various disinfectants for things that go inside orifices, a few games we keep locked away, etc. — all for others to use and enjoy.
If one toured our home and looked closely, they might gather Lauren and I are members of the lifestyle, or they may gather that we enjoy “entertaining.” We have a realtor friend who’s been in the lifestyle for 15 years, and she says our home is “moderately obvious.” We’re okay with that.
Has Lauren ever worn her upside-down pineapple charm out in public? Not yet. She may. Meantime, the mythology of the lifestyle is fun and we’re learning to embrace it if for no other reason than it’s good to laugh and keep things light. We had a party a few weeks ago and Lauren and I made upside-down pineapple cakes for dessert, and everyone laughed! As we’ve always said, “sex is entirely too important to be taken seriously.”
We might even get some garden gnomes! Why not?
So, in summary, our experience is that the “secret” symbols are more for fun than to telegraph the lifestyle to others.
