We’ve Been Swingers and Polyamorists for 25 Years. This is What It’s Like at a Swingers Club.
Almost everything you need to know about what it’s like at a lifestyle club.
A few years ago, Lauren and I opened up to some of our friends and family members about our lifestyle and Lauren’s bisexuality. One of the most common questions we have gotten from “non-swinger” (we refuse to use the insulting term, “vanilla”) friends is, “what’s it like at a swingers club?”
Our typical response: “At swingers clubs, we do what other couples who don’t swing secretly think about, fantasize about and desire and wish they could do.” We also affirm that swinging isn’t for everyone; it’s a niche lifestyle. The goal when one goes to a swingers club is to have hot sex with others, swap spouses and maybe (if you’re lucky) have group sex.
Anyway, if you’re reading this and are curious, instead of posting another swingers club adventure (most recent here), I’ll share what it’s like on a night Lauren and I go to one of our two clubs, where Lauren and I are long-time members. By long-time, I mean 12 years for one and 9 for the other. We are well-known at both (only by first names), and on a given night we know quite a few couples and women there. We typically go to one of our clubs at least once per month, typically on Saturday nights, but sometimes twice in a month. What follows is a general description of a club experience, which involves sex with others.
Getting Ready (Appearance)
Most people who know Lauren in “normal” life, if they saw her at a lifestyle club, would hardly recognize her. That’s a good thing. From her outfit to her makeup, she, like other women in the lifestyle, wants to look extremely hot at clubs. Here are aspects of the club look:
Dress. When going to a club, we always dress for the occasion. How you dress at a swingers club matters. In fact, both clubs have dress codes. Typically, I’ll wear a white button-up shirt, a sport coat, and comfortable slacks or “nice” jeans.
Like many women in the lifestyle, Lauren has several very sexy outfits that are specifically for club and private party occasions. Simply put, the objective for Lauren (and every woman) at the club is to look smokin’ hot. While each of her outfits is unique, they all have a few things in common:
- Very low-cut. Lauren has really nice breasts and is proud of them — she had them enlarged from 34C to 34D a few years ago. Her outfits play to the flattering shape and size of her breasts. In other words, she likes to show off her tits. She has some plunge bras that she wears with her low-cut club dresses — some that are push-up and some that create a more natural look. Her club dresses are extremely sexy and risqué.
- Form-fitting. She loves to showcase her figure with club dresses that are form-fitting and tight around her waist.
- Sexy. She almost always wears a garter belt and thigh-high hose at our clubs.
- Revealing. She likes a very short dress and never wears panties. A few of her outfits have front slits that come almost up to her hoo-ha. A word on panties: A lot of women who swing wear elaborate panties. Lauren doesn’t wear panties. She’s always commando — very conducive to easy access.
Sexy shoes. She typically wears pumps at clubs. She has pumps that are black, white, red and jeweled. She occasionally wears black boots in the winter.
Makeup and hair. In everyday life, Lauren wears very little and often no makeup. She goes to work in scrubs 90% of the time (she’s a surgeon). But when going to a club, she typically applies quite a bit of makeup, not unlike other women in the lifestyle. She likes to wear bright-red or sometimes pink lipstick, which she will typically remove with a napkin before it’s “go time.” She loves eye shadow and mascara. She generously applies blush for that sexy rosy-cheek effect.
Lauren’s blonde hair, which now has some sexy natural graying to it, could be pulled back, flowing over her shoulders, pulled up (super sexy), or in a ponytail.
Pussy. Her pussy is always smooth and bare for club fun. The vast majority of women who we swing with go with the bald look. It’s much easier to clean up when you’re bare down there.
Jewelry. Lauren in her everyday life doesn’t wear a lot of jewelry. When we go to one of our clubs (or a private party), she wears an ankle bracelet, wrist bracelets, sexy earrings, a necklace and of course her engagement and wedding rings.
By the way, contrary to what I wrote in my last post about myths, I didn’t know that Lauren has a necklace with an upside-down pineapple on it. One of our friends gave it to her. So there’s that.
When we get to the club
When we arrive at one of our clubs (usually around 6:30 or 7pm), we’ll typically, after checking in (non-disclosure agreement, reminder of club rules, phone check, etc.), get a few drinks, enjoy some dinner, and meet up and talk with friends. We also say hello to staff we’ve known for years; the staff at both clubs are wonderful. Only first names are used.
Talking with friends quickly becomes flirting. This early in the evening, people are not just flirting but also complimenting each other on how hot they look, making (appropriately) sexually suggestive comments, touching and arranging for play later. Of note: Before we arrive at the club, we’ve already talked about what — or who — we’re in the mood for sexually.
- Hard swap. Maybe we’re in the mood for a hard swap with another couple. It could be that we’ve already made swap plans with a specific couple we’re meeting at the club. This is a fairly common arrangement and it’s the “bread and butter” of swinging.
- Multiple-couple sex. Perhaps we desire sex with multiple couples with whom we’ve pre-arranged (or not). Could be anywhere from two other couples to five, six or more. In situations involving a lot of couples, which some might call an “orgy” (a term we hate because of its negative connotations), you’re going to have a lot of sex partners in a single night. Lauren has had 10+ sex partners (men and woman) in a single night on multiple occasions. This can absolutely happen in multiple-couple situations. Birth control and STD protection, especially if there are any new couples in the mix, are critical!
- Threesome. It could be that Lauren plans to hook up with a couple (ffm) and I’m hooking up with another couple (mmf) or two other wives (ffm) for threesome sex. Or maybe Lauren might be in the mood for two or more guys (one would be me), or two or more women. If she’s in for girls-only play, she always makes very fun arrangements for me. This is where our lifestyle starts to get a little hotwifey/hothusbandy. “What happens at the club stays at the club.”
- Us + one. Sometimes we like to invite another person into our room with us for threesome sex. Usually it’s another wife or a beautiful woman there looking for a hot couple.
- Spontaneous. Maybe we want to see what and who the night brings.
Important: At the club, Lauren usually takes charge. She’s so hot that the opportunities in a given night are numerous, and we can really pick what and who we do.
When it’s time to play
By 8pm, we might see other couples disappear into private rooms. Meanwhile, my pre-cum is flowing, Lauren’s pussy is dripping wet and we’re both very, very horny. Lauren and at least one other woman are probably kissing and we’re all getting handsy. By 9pm, whoever we’re with will be our playthings that night. Because so many couples in the club are parents, the primetime window for sex is between 9–11pm.
By 9pm, everyone is aching for sex. Cocks are throbbing and slathered in pre-cum. Pussies are soaked. Nipples are hard. People are kissing, touching, penetrating with fingers, giving handjobs, maybe sucking cock under the table…. Lauren may be getting her pussy licked by another woman. No one can wait any longer. Someone might suggest, “how about we take this fun into a private room?” Or, if things are really hot, the invitation for the private room may be more explicit. Occasionally, no words are needed.
In the private room
Both of our clubs have private rooms for us because of our long-time membership and we like to adjourn there for fun with others. Our favorite of the two clubs’ private rooms comfortably holds 10 but we’ve had up to 16. Sometimes we go to other couples’ private rooms. Our private room has:
- Four beds, a leather sofa and a leather love seat
- Two poles, a small stage and pull-out mirrors (for those who like mirrors)
- Mini bar (you pay for what you consume/eat)
- Bathroom with two showers, lots of towels and bathrobes, disposable wipes (a must for clean-up), shampoo and soap. The bathroom also has mouthwash.
- “Care kit” with condoms, lubes, disposable cock rings, etc.
- Sound system with club-provided streaming music service. We like adult contemporary music.
- Adjustable lighting
- Phone connecting back to the front desk
- Panic button
We’re typically in our private room from about 9–11:30pm, give or take. During the summer, we might be in an open-air cabana, which means anything we do in it can be seen and heard by others (a turn-on). I’ll write another post about cabana-based sex with others.
Typically, by the time the door to the private room closes, Lauren and the other women are again kissing and the husbands are undressing the wives. Still, we have to take a brief amount of time once the door shuts to go around the room and ask if everyone consents to being here and what’s about to happen. We ask if there are objections to anyone in the room. Over the years, no one has not given consent or objected to someone else by the time they’re in the private room. Consent is a must!
After consent, spouses are deciding who swaps with who, unless that’s already been decided. Maybe one of the wives is strip-teasing on the stage to get everyone even hotter. It could be that the wives are all getting it on while the husbands watch…and then the wives match up with their round one swaps for fun. Some couples bring along toys, like vibrators, handheld dildos, strap-on dildos, anal plugs, etc. We always bring an anal plug for Lauren. Most wives now wear anal plugs — it’s kind of a new trend we’re seeing. Although Lauren and I occasionally enjoy domination and submission, we do not allow BDSM to happen in our room.
Within ten minutes of being in the room, everything is decided and often loud sex is happening. If it’s a large party, all four beds, the sofa and the love seat are being used. Sometimes, a few of the couples will get it on together. I’m likely with another wife; Lauren is with another husband or wife. Or we might each be in group situations — mmf, ffm, fff, mmmf, fffm, ffmm, etc. Totally varies.
Round one ends at different times for everyone. It’s fun to watch others after you’ve finished. It’s even more fun to be watched. After round one, there’s cleanup. If, say, I’m with two other guys and we’re all taking turns with Lauren or another wife, she will have a lot of cleanup afterward — she may have cum on her face, tits and/or ass (Lauren and most wives do swallow if the guy is well-known). Important: If you’re a guy, it’s always polite to clean up your mess on the woman you just ejaculated on.
By the way, almost every guy enjoys the cumshot. It’s the reality of the times, and it means any husband who swings with his wife needs to understand, short of an agreed-upon ban, that other guys are going to cum on their wife’s tits or ass. Facial cumshots are a no-no unless there’s explicit approval. Most wives do swallow if they know who they’re blowing well. At any rate, cumshots are why wipes and sometimes the shower come in handy.
After cleanup, everyone is nude and probably in bed, talking, drinking (no alcohol), flirting, figuring out who they’re going to hook up with next, etc.
Usually there are second and maybe third rounds, which involve more swapping, different groups, etc. It’s generally considered a faux pas not to switch partners as the night progresses. It’s also a faux pas to join a group having sex without asking if you can join them. Usually, if you ask, the answer is yes. Communication is vital.
After play
By the time 11:30 rolls around, everyone is “fucked-out,” exhausted and kind of ready to go home. Everyone has that “I just got fucked” look on their faces. Everyone has orgasmed so many times that they can’t cum anymore — we’re all drained. Hair is disheveled. People are sore (seriously). Maybe some folks need to shower before they leave. They’re putting their clothes back on (some people bring a change of clothes). Maybe arrangements for the next weekend are being made.
We all go to the lobby and collect our phones, check for messages, and kiss and hug each other goodnight.
By the time Lauren and I get home, it’s around 12:15 or 12:30am. We ALWAYS shower together and then go to bed.
Final thoughts
Over the years, Lauren and I have seen and done it all — 42 women and 168 couples and counting. There’s very little we haven’t done and it almost never gets old. This weekend, we’re planning a visit to one of our clubs, where we’re hopefully hooking up with five other couples. Fingers crossed they can all come because they are all so hot.
Do share your experiences at lifestyle clubs!
