On the importance of courage in pursuing STEAM
‘Courage is more important than confidence because once you take the step into that unknown, that’s what propels you forward.’ — Danny Shapiro
I’ve started many times writing this article on the strong link between gender — confidence — dealing with uncertainty/adversity — vulnerability — risk-taking attitude — agency — growth mindset — and the unbelievably strong connection between these linked elements and pursuing a career in STEAM.
I remember when my #FlyGirl started her glider pilot training. All weekends we were at the aerodrome. The only trio of parents and small sis hanging around, drinking coffee, eating sandwiches, taking photographs, closely looking at all lined up aircraft while waiting for our #FlyGirl to start her training.
I could not be home thinking she might not be safe or she might be scared and all alone. I was there for my own fears, but mostly to reassure her is ok to go ahead, despite the nerves. First lift-offs were full of nausea and she learnt that ginger-based pills helped combat vomiting and dizziness.
Then, spins at the local playground. Those helped too, so in our evening bike rides, we had one extra stop at the playground where both my girls were taking turns and spinning each other. They were two pilots in training.
I keep pushing my girls to overcome their fears and go beyond their limits. But I do it too.
When it comes to risks and adrenaline, I am on the reluctant side. I was not brought up in a sports-loving family. During communism, existence required endurance and all energy went into that. Thus, I did all childhood sports activities as a grown-up: I learnt to ride a bike at 29, to ski at 30 and I am still training with my #STEAMgirl to be brave on the waterslides.
The photos above, taken on the Rânca ski slope (Păpușa peak, Romanian Carpathians) are my celebration of bravery.
We started our three-day ski trip with a monitor. On the first two days, we kept practicing our slaloms from mid-slope. All good. The third day came with our last chance to descend from the top. My little girl was far braver and more ready than I was, and she kept asking ‘Mom, shall we go down from the top?’ Never felt more obliged to be brave in my life. I was beyong scared, both for myself and for her, yet I had to be brave for both of us and lead the way. With continuous prayers and heavily using the plow breaking technique, so I did!
Courage can be taught and taking leaps of faith can become a habit. We cannot be daring greatly unless we have the courage muscle well trained.
Why courage is so important in STEAM?
This summer I took these photographs of my #FlyGirl at the end of her graduation symposium for the Bachelor’s programme on Aerospace Engineering at TU Delft. In her study group, out of ten students, two were girls. In engineering programmes, the share of women students stands at around 30 %.
While girls studying in male-dominated programmes are always cheered, it takes courage to be there. The same goes for boys in Language Arts, Pedagogy or Social Sciences and Humanities — to name just a few of the study choices where boys are the minority.
It takes courage for them to raise questions or sustain points of view in front of classes dominated by the other gender. Many girls studying STEAM had to overcome multiple roadblocks to make it so far. If they are to pursue careers in the area, they have to go ahead trusting their skills and passion and learning to cope with the gender stereotype threat.
The stereotype threat is strongly affecting girls studying STEAM
Even if meant as a joke or harmless remark, questioning a girl’s mathematic ability for engineering or a boy’s passion for teaching kindergarteners puts a lot of pressure on them. Faced with such micro-aggressions, they become anxious about their performance and fear they will be failing. Down this path, they will eventually be failing, thus confirming the negative gender stereotype they were exposed to in the first place. Read here my blog post about ‘Raising STEAM-oriented girls’.
So, make sure that home and school are free from gender bias and stereotyping. If she encounters such limiting beliefs, she should be brave and tell her interlocutors that she does not believe in gender stereotyping and neither should they.
Raising our girls’ awareness of gender stereotypes and equipping them with lines-to-take to dismantle bias makes up the topic of one of my future blog posts. I strongly believe we cannot have more girls in STEAM without more gender equality.
Back to courage, how should we teach it?
Yes, courage can be taught. See below an open list of tips I gathered from readings and experience that hope would help parents deal with courage — too much or too little of it :)
- Model courage, be vulnerable, and show your fear and determination to go ahead despite it.
- Encourage both girls and boys to take calculated — risks. Use experiment-making as a lesson to learn about safety (wear safety glasses when working with chemicals!).
- Be there for them, let them see they have your full support, but move out of their way. Let them fail on their own terms.
- At a young age, refrain from telling your girl to stay still, and not to climb, always drawing her attention that she will fall when exploring a parcourse at the playground. Since research draws attention to gender-stereotyped behaviour in fathers’ play, take a balanced approach. On one hand, encourage girls to explore more and on the other hand, make sure you express more affection towards boys.
- Equally compliment girls and boys for their actions, not for their looks. Observe their drive, and interest and acknowledge it in your talks, make them aware of their courage and praise that.
- Talk about the many brave women who took the world by storm despite their fears. Add ‘Bedtime Stories for Rebel Girls’ to your book pile and read the inspirational profiles in the evenings. If your girl is still growing into reading, here is a blog post about raising emergent readers with practical tips!
- Once she started school, continue to showcase the brilliant inventions and discoveries women made. Those required a lot of courage too! It’s at the age of six—seven when girls start thinking of themselves as working hard and of boys as brilliant. Unfortunately, this also means girls at this age start becoming reluctant to try out new games or challenges if they perceive them as hard to solve. Be vigilant of such behaviour and always encourage her to try and come ask for help. It will show that whatever is hard, with persistence and support, can be solved.
- Keep asking her to try out new activities, food or plays. Do it together and give yourselves the freedom to play, experiment, and explore without the pressure of reaching a certain result.
- Committing to sports is one of the best ways to learn how to take on new challenges.
- Keep the risk-taking muscle flexed and ready for new challenges. Prepare for math, chess competitions or drawing, sewing exhibitions or reaching self-set goals. Deadlines help.
- No matter what sport or hobby she is into, coach your girl to take new commitments in her area of interest, to grow and expand. It will not only teach her courage but growth mindset and resilience, qualities which will serve her well later in life.
- Most importantly, courage is about action. I teach my girls is ok to be afraid and still go ahead, despite their fears.
Now that the year comes to an end if you were, to sum up, which were the new activities you tried out and pushed you out of your comfort zone? Talk about this with your girl when discussing your dreams and hopes for the new year.
What’s your experience with parenting girls into courage? Any success stories or lessons-learnt that you would like to share? As always, I am happy to hear back from you.
Stay curious and strong,
Alex
#STEAMwithME ideas and other resources
- Fullhearteadly recommend Brené Brown’s podcasts on courage
- See how ‘Gender stereotypes about intellectual ability emerge early and influence children’s interests’
- Find out how STEAM education make students better risk-takers
