Creating Healthy Boundaries
« Practical Self-Love & Self-Care »
Do you Suffer from not Knowing How to Say No
& Setting, Asserting Clear Healthy Boundaries ?
Are People often Crossing & not Respecting your Boundaries
when you Set & Communicate some ?
Is Asserting Healthy Boundaries
& Saying No Difficult & Challenging for you?
Do you Feel Burnout by Taking more
than you can actually really Take Care ?
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If we Lack Healthy Boundaries,
we will Suffer Negative Consequences.We are not always Aware of How much we Need to Set, Communicate & Assert Firmly & Clearly Healthy Boundaries (& Needs) … then the side-effect of that show up as Anger, Frustration, Resentment, Burnout … Lack of Respect, Consideration, Appreciation … Feeling we are Being Taken Advantage of, Undervalued & Taken for Granted.
I guess most Mothers or Women can get that !
As we are ideally educated to take care selflessly of everyone before us & be dedicated to partner, children, family, community, … & work..
When we don’t
Set, Communicate & Assert Firmly & Clearly Healthy Boundaries …We educate Ourselves to Lack Power, Authority, Confidence, Courage, Integrity, Self-Respect, Self-Esteem & Respect from People !
We educate People we relate to that we don’t have needs, boundaries & that it’s then ok they take advantage of that Lack of Boundaries for their own Benefits !
We also educate Children that look up to & role model Adults, to Lack Boundaries & don’t Learn How to Set, Communicate & Assert Boundaries.
We set Children in their ongoing development to Feel Unsafe & Insecure because they Lack the Containment of Boundaries that help them to become Confident, Self-Assured, Secure, Respected Future Adult !
Once We get Why Setting, Communicating & Asserting Firmly & Clearly Healthy Boundaries & Needs … Matter, is Essential & Necessary !
We never Look back & Regret the discomfort of this phase of our Growth & Evolution that Redesign Our Lives for the Best !
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What is the Purpose of
Clear Healthy Boundaries
When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.
Brené Brown
The Purpose of Having & Developing
Clear Healthy Boundaries is that it Allows us to …
- Protect our Health
(our 1st most Precious Resource) - Protect our Time
(our 2nd most Precious Resource) - Preserve our Energy
- Protect our Priorities
- Order Our Priorities & Focus
- Protect our Sphere of Intimacy
- Reduce or Eliminate Distractions
- Focus & Take Care of what Matters most to us
- Give us Time & Energy to Take Care of Ourself
- Give us Time & Energy to Take Care First of our 1st & 2nd Circle
1st Circle > Greatest Connections, Intimacy & Priority
2nd Circle > Relatives, Friendships & Partnerships
3rd Circle > Social Connections, Acquaintances, Neighbors, Co-workers, Clients, …
4th Circle > Strangers, Social Media Followers, …
.
See last Week’s Article > What Makes Social Connections & Relationships Satisfying & Healthy ? + Weekly Guidance & Homework - Give us Time & Energy to Invest in Nurturing Recreative Activities
(Sport, Hobbies, Learning, Gardening, Study, Self-Care, Travels, Holidays …) - Make Possible to Create & Live a Fulfilling Life
Achieve our Life’s Vision, Personal & Professional Goals
(full of Meaning, Purpose, Values, High Standards, Creativity, Flow) - Knowing what we can Do, is Possible & Realistic
Knowing what we can’t do, our Limits & Health Care Priority - Achieve Balance in the Give & Take Relationships Exchange
- Build Beautiful Healthy Relationships & Partnerships Dynamics
(based on Mutual Respect, Trust, Communication, Acknowledgment)
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How to Create & Assert
Clear Healthy Boundaries
Our boundaries define our personal space — and we need to be sovereign there in order to be able to step into our full power and potential.
Jessica Moore
Creating & Asserting
Clear Healthy Boundaries is not Easy & Simple
We Need to Know …
- Ourself
Our Values, Priorities, Boundaries, Standards,
Greatest Yes’s, No’s & Dealbreakers, Love Attachment Style - Our Needs
Physical, Physiological, Emotional, Mental, Psychological, Spiritual - Who are People in our 1st, 2nd, 3rd Circles
- Their Needs if we are in Close Relationships
Physical, Physiological, Emotional, Mental, Psychological, Spiritual
That means having acquired the Self-Knowledge that Inform us how to Create these Clear Healthy Boundaries that are Unique to us & for each period of our Evolving Life ! It is not Fixed & forever, it Evolves with us & with what is happening all along our Life’s Journey & circumstances !
We Need to have the Courage, Willingness & Integrity to Communicate these Clear Healthy Boundaries & Assert them Firmly with Kindness !
We Need to …
- Learn to Listen
Ourself & People - Cultivate Awareness
in Ourself - Be Honest & Transparent
with Ourself & People - Act with Courage & Integrity
- Act Firmly with Kindness & Gentleness
- Learn to Communicate, Express & Assert Ourself
Simply without Aggression & Unease - Develop Confidence, Trust & Ease
in Relationships Communication & Being Ourself, Expressing Ourself
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Why we don’t Create & Maintain
Clear Healthy Boundaries
If you want to live an authentic, meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings, and living with the reality that some people just won’t like you. It may not be easy, but it’s essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values, and needs.
Cheryl Richardson
Here are some Possible Pointers
that we can check within us !
Is it Fear of … ?
- Someone
- a Social Group
- Both
Is it Fear of … ?
- Unease
- Rejection
- Discomfort
- Consequences
- Abandonment
- Feeling Embarrassed
- Being Angry, Aggressive
- Hurting Someone Feelings
- Not Being Loved, Appreciated
- Not Being Able to Communicate Clearly
- Not Being Able to Express Ourself Clearly
- Being Critiqued, Judged, or Condemned
- Being Perceived as Not Being Nice & Pleasant
- Possibly Ending a Relationship or Partnership
- Not Knowing How to Present it Calmly & Kindly
with Someone in Particular
or a Social Group (Family, Friend Circle, Social Circle, Community, …)
.
Is it the Lack of … ?
- Calm
- Trust
- Power
- Courage
- Integrity
- Self-Love
- Knowledge
- Confidence
- Willingness
- Self-Respect
- Self-Validation
- Self-Knowledge
- Self-Empowerment
- Communication Skills
- Ability to Communicate & Express
We Feel or Experience
Temporarily, or Most of the Time, or All the Time
.
Is it … ?
- Shiness
- a Habit
- What we are used to
- The only way we Know
- the Response to a Past Trauma
- the Reaction of an Emotional Trigger
- …
.
The more We are Able to Pinpoint Why We can’t or won’t Create or Assert Clear Healthy Boundaries, the more We are Able to come up with Solutions, Strategies, Knowledge, Self-Knowledge to Overcome Our Fear, Lack of … , Habit, or Trauma based Thoughts, Believes, Behaviors & Practice a New Way to Be in Relationships & Communicate, Express Ourselves !
Communicating & Being Assertive of Our Boundaries is Easier when we Know that — the No We Express Support a Valuable Yes — & an Expressed No I can’t or I won’t, can also Be a Temporary No, as much as a Permanent Definitive No !
There are more Nuances that are Available than a Black or White Perception, a Yes or No Way …
To Begin & Start Being Assertive …
Replace NO
by
No Thank You …, At this Time I can’t …
No Thank You …, For Now, I won’t be able …
No Thank You …, I have another Priority !
No Thank You …, I have an Appointment !
NoThank You … , I have already committed to something or someone
No Thank You …, it’s not Possible !
I Really wish I could …
At another Time I am Happy to …
One of the Reasons We don’t Create & Maintain Boundaries
are often because We are Scared to Create … Discomfort, Unease, Unpleasant Feelings, Negative Consequences, Feelings of Rejection
for Ourself or for People we Relate to !
We can Communicate Clear Healthy Boundaries
with Calm, Respect, Composure, Kindness
when we
- Know Ourself
- Focus on Our Priorities
- Value Our Health & Well-Being
- Respect Our Time & Relationships
- Learn to Communicate
Simply, Effectively, Transparently, Directly, Honestly
Communication is a Skill
we Acquire the more We Learn about & Practice !
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Why Self-Love & Self-Care
is Important, Matter
& Play a Role in Having Clear Healthy Boundaries
The more you value yourself, the healthier your boundaries are.
Lorraine Nilon
Clear Healthy Boundaries
is a Form of
Presence, Love, Care, Respect for People we Relate to
Presence, Self-Love, Self-Care, Self-Respect for Ourself
Having Clear Healthy Boundaries
is what Creates the Necessary Time Availability
to Allow Us to have Time for what Matters to us !
Clear Healthy Boundaries are in Service
to the Satisfaction of Our Needs
Satisfaction of Needs of the
Relationships & Activities
that Matter most to us
& also In Service of
Our Self-Love Practices, Self-Care Time
that Fuel & Refuel Us !
Having Time that Nurture Self-Love, Self-Care
is the Remedy to Feeling Depleted, Feeling & Being Burnout.
We Need to Fill Our Cup to Give Ourself Daily to the World around us !
What Nurture Our Self-Love
Satisfied Needs of
- Love
- Care
Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual - Faith
- Hope
- Beauty
- Sensuality
- Confidence
- Possibilities
- Intelligence
- Appearance
- Contribution
- Empowerment
- Soul Connection
- Validation & Recognition
- Growth, Expansion & Evolution
- Connection to Light, Love, God, Nature, Elements, Ancestors, …
- …
What Nurture Our Self-Care
Satisfied Needs of
- Art
- Silence
- Learning
- Free Time
- Movements
- Being in Nature
- Physical Activities
- Creative Activities
- Recreative Activities
- Spiritual Practices & Meditation
- Connection to Loved Ones & Friends
- Travels, Adventures, Discoveries, Cultures
- …
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The side-Effects & Results of
Poor Clear Healthy Boundaries
Lack of boundaries invites lack of Respect.
Anonymous
Here are some Pointers that can indicate
Signs of Lacking Clear Healthy Boundaries !
- Mood Swings
- Feeling Burnout
- Depression, Anxiety
- Being Totally Burnout
- Feeling Overwhelmed
- Sadness, Grief, Apathy
- Emotional Dysregulation
- Feeling Socially Exhausted
- Lack of Presence & Attention
- Anger, Frustration, Irritability
- Addictions & Compulsive Behaviors
- Physical, Emotional & Mental Health Issues
- Lacking Focus on Priorities (things that really matter)
- Lots of Distractions (things that don’t really matter much)
.
Being
- too Available
- in a Care-taker Role
- in Over-giving Mode
- in Over-working Mode
- in a People Pleasing Mode
- Often Taken Advantage of
- Often in a Doormat Position
- in Toxic Relationship Dynamics
- in Abusive Relationship Dynamics
.
Lack of
- Safety
- Limits
- Control
- Respect
- Security
- Mastery
- Integrity
- Discipline
- Self-Estime
- Self-Respect
- Self-Expression
- Self-Confidence
- Knowing our Values
- Having High Standards
- Individuality & Sovereignty
.
Children who Lack the Sense of Clear Healthy Boundaries, don’t Feel Contained, Safe, Secure & can often feel very emotionally dysregulated, express explosive emotions, feelings & manifest protest rebellious behaviors as a By-product, Result.
Clear Healthy Boundaries are Beneficial not only for Children but also for Adult, especially when Addictions & Compulsive Behaviors shows & manifest !
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Weekly Guidance & Homework
Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choices
Gerard Manley Hopkins
This Week’s Homework is
4x 30 min a Week of Journaling Sessions
or
2h a Week of Journaling Sessions
1
Clarify Who is in your …
(if not done in last week’s homework)
- First Circle
> Greatest Connections, Intimacy & Priority - Second Circle
> Relatives, Friendships & Partnerships - Third Circle
> Social Connections, Acquaintances, Neighbors, Co-workers, Clients, … - Fourth Circle
Strangers, Social Media Followers, …
After Journaling, this Acquired Self-Knowledge will Allow You to Prioritize Time, Energy, Attention, Focus & Importance (Value) on the Right Relationships that are placed in the First & Second Circles … & place after, the ones that are in the 3rd & 4th Circles !
2
Clarify what are …
- Your Values
- Your Priorities
- Your Boundaries
- Your Greatest Yes’s
- Your No’s & Dealbreakers
- Your Personal & Profesional Goals
- Your Love Attachment Style
(if not done in last week’s homework) - Your Needs
(if not done in previous articles’ homework)
Physical, Physiological, Emotional, Mental, Psychological, Spiritual - People in our 1st, 2nd, 3rd Circles
(if not done in last week’s homework) - Their Needs if we are in Close Relationships & Aim to Contribute
Physical, Physiological, Emotional, Mental, Psychological, Spiritual
3
Brainstorm on How You can Start Communicating & Asserting
Clear Healthy Boundaries in a Calm & Kind Way to your …
- Your Partner
- Your Children
- Your Boss
- Your Co-workers
- Your Employees
- Your Friends
- Your Relatives
- People you Relate with, in General
- Even Strangers, that are not Aware of your Personal Space & Needs
We are Able to Communicate, if We Learn How, when we are not Reactive to a Situation, if we have developed the Language, the Fluency & Comfort, Confidence on How to Communicate … we Know we can do it on the spot in Real Hot Situation !
.
We can also use Gestalt
Gestalt & IFS Exercise (Empty Chair)
Gestalt & IFS Exercises (Conference Table)
to Play & Act out Scenarios to Exercise our Ability to Communicate & Find Creative Playful even Fun Ways to Express our Needs & Formulate Kind Effective Communication.
- Here are my Needs !
- What are your Needs ?
- How can we find a way where we are both Satisfied with our Needs ?
Is How We Get Started in Communication
& Feel Satisfaction in Relationships
— When Needs are Mutually Met,
there are No Possible Conflicts —
Conflict Arises, Grow & Continues when Needs are Unmet
Tensions & Conflicts are Symptoms,
a Sign to look at What Needs have to Be Satisfied
Mutually Meeting Needs
is How We Solve Relationships Tensions & Conflicts !
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I Hope that this Article
provided you some New Light
Invite You to Practice a Brand New Paradigm
Create that Beautiful Empowering New Relationship
with your Emotions & Feelings, Needs & Boundaries
.
Take Care, Be Well
Feel Loved & Be Blessed
Shakti 💕 💞 💗 ✨
Thank You to Generously
Share this Knowledge Easy to Apply
It can Change Lives & Generate a Positive Impact
to anyone that wants to have greater Relationships
& the Ones who Feel at the end of their rope
for a temporary moment … or now for a long time.
.
You want to Know more about me, my Journey & my Background
Read my Bio
You want to Work with me & this Year’s Materials,
Go to the bottom of this page for more Information & Contact-me !
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So … What are your Main
Insights, Aha Moments, Breakthroughs, Transformations
from this Week’s Article ?
.
Is your Relationship with Emotions, Feelings, Needs, Boundaries
have started to Shift, Start to Show Results & Transformations ?
.
Are you Feeling more at Peace with
Your Emotions, Feelings, Needs, Boundaries ?
.
The more you Participate, Share & Interact with this content,
the more you can Reflect, Harvest, Integrate & Embody
the Knowledge I Share, so it becomes your Daily Reality.Reading is Good, a Great First Step, but will vanish quite Quickly if it
stay a 10 minutes activity, means change & transformation can’t occur !Participating is Greater, Building more long-term memory
& long-lasting Synaptic neural pathways in your brain !… in Short, the information doesn’t quickly vanish, is & stays temporary
but become an anchored long-term reference point you can access from
where you can think & act from, means change & transformation occurs !
Please Share in the Comment any of your
Questions, Explorations, Discoveries
& How you Feel about Emotions & Feelings,
its Impact on your Life & Relationships.
Let’s Restore Peace & Balance within
Build a New Relationship where
you Thrive with Vs Suffer Your Emotions & Feelings.
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Next Week We Continue …
Moving another Step Deeper into the
– Learning the Language of Emotions, Feelings –
« Saying No »
The Art of Being Assertive Vs Being Aggressive
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Last Week We have Explored …
« Our Core Essential Human Need for Connection »
The Importance of Building
Social Connections & Satisfying, Healthy Relationships
There will Be a Series of Audio Guided Sessions released this Year, so You can have more Help, Support & Empowerment for Your Journey, Overcoming … Blocks, Challenges & Feeling Lost, Stuck or Confuse with Your Emotions, Feelings, Inner Critic, Self-Expression.
Want to Be Notified when Audio will be Released & Available, email me !
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Disclaimer
This content is for educational purposes only, if you have any Mental Health issues, please do reach out to a professional & get the support, care you need.
It can allow you to move through everything you experience, much more easier & faster in your healing journey, mental health care process.
You deserve to receive the right support for you to feel better & healthy.
