How to be your Best Job Huntress (or Hunter) without Losing Your Soul
Part 5 in a series of tbd.
For previous installments see part 1 (networking) or part 2 (the cover letter), and part 3 (the CV) and part 4 (the job interview)
Installment #5 — Your Team of Unsolicited Advisers
Should open with, this post may sound a bit ungrateful. But it’s a sensitive point that needs to be addressed: the many many (many) advice-givers you’ll come across, and why you shouldn’t take them too seriously (but pretend you do).
It’s unavoidable. The term “job hunter” is a bit misleading, evoking a Katniss from the Hunger Games style heroine (it really should be Catniss..) dexterously skewering jobs with her bow and arrow. The sad reality is, however, that you end up close to Ralphie from the Simpsons — naïve, helpless, lost, confused, yet well-intentioned. This is exponentially more true if you happened to graduate from a made up field like the arts or history, now trying to figure out how to get paid for doing things. The good (or bad) news is that your hapless state will evoke in people an involuntary need to try and help you out. That they will more than likely be less than successful doesn’t matter, they will try anyway, and you may as well accept it.
There are a few components or versions to the sage advice-giver, encountered in a variety of combinations: 1. They genuinely want to help (some people are like that..) — they see your distress and wish to relieve it. Whether it’s for narcissistic self-serving reasons, or true altruism is hard to say, it’s a fine line between the two anyhow, but they will invest themselves in solving your problem for up to 20 minutes at a time. 2. They are uncomfortable about your precarious state of being and need it to be done. This is usually more true for people who are already invested in your predicament through no (well some) fault of their own — family and friends. They have likely witnessed you moping about your joblessness, lack of future plans, and shriveled income for a long time, and for their own peace of mind, they need it to stop. 3. They are invigorated by a challenge — you and your unhireable state. Nothing to do with you. 4. They see you as a future/past reflection of themselves — you present them with the fear of their own future, or perhaps a nostalgic image of a younger self, and they feel solving your situation somehow solves/justifies theirs. 5. They are very happy they are not in your situation and wish to help you as a magic spell to ward off bad juju, just in case.
Now, whatever type of adviser you’ve encountered, they are difficult to fend off. They mean well, and boundaries are hard. You may feel bad rejecting their help, or you’re afraid this conversation may drop a valuable lead in your lap, despite knowing, from past experience, it very likely won’t. And talk is free. ish.
You also know these conversations tend to be emotionally exhausting — the job hunting route is a long and winding one, and having to reiterate it with every person who wants to help is exactly as productive as it sounds. Also, every iteration of your story and dream job seems to push your aspirations further into the deranged fantasy land of made-up jobs, clearly evidenced by your lack of success.
My solution to handling these gentle souls is twofold. Your external self should engage. It’s true, in a world poor in opportunities you shouldn’t turn down a possible avenue, even if it means having the same conversation for the hundredth time with zero passion or self-belief. Your internal self, however, should set a clear boundary — no one knows your journey better than you. It’s true, if you’ve spent the last months/years (heaven forfend) scouring the job market, you know what’s out there (yes, you do). Some new ideas may come your way in this 20-minute conversation, and you should be open to them, but it is also unlikely. Remember, just because they don’t understand what you’re looking for doesn’t mean you made it up (I’m talking to you, hopeful founder of puppy circus). People who haven’t searched for a job in a long time don’t know the market as well as you do, let alone your stall in this market. If they’re not fully on board, it’s fine — you don’t need to earn their conviction. You’re always allowed to opt-out and choose to share only part of your job search, none at all, or give them an easy answer that is easier to manage (you know, lie). It’s ok to accept they’re not going to resolve your situation here and now and therefore going over all your failures thus far is not really necessary (you can choose to remind them that too sometimes, takes the pressure off for them also).
To summarize, job hunting is hard, mostly the people you’ll meet will be useless, some won’t, but most will, they will nevertheless really want to help, which they won’t, but you should let them try, because — it’s rude, and also karma, and also, one of them may surprise you. (Also some of them are friends and family and you need them for free food and a hug from time to time).
