Nature’s Book Light

It’s time all-purpose was given the sack. — I’m lucky to have found my purpose so early in life. I can’t say the same for some I know, who are burdened by the need to be for all purposes. …

Remind yourself, “This will be over soon.” Your life, yes, but more importantly the call. — You’re home alone, making stovetop popcorn for movie night, when a sound makes you jump out of your skin. The noise is scarier than a chainsaw. More disturbing than children creepily singing a nursery rhyme. …

Winding your way through our seventeen-acre aluminum jungle is the perfect fall activity. — Do I need to bring a can opener? Can openers will be provided. Please be sure to return them to the big box by the exit or a member of our staff will chase you down Children of the Corn-style to reclaim our property. While opening the cans is not required to navigate the maze, you’re welcome to…

What lunatic said this was “snug”? — Snug: tucked under a quilt on a rainy Sunday afternoon, cuddling a golden retriever puppy and sipping a steaming mug of hot chocolate, extra marshmallows. Not so snug: trapped in an old rug stained with spilled hot chocolate and puppy puddles and shoved into the corner of your musty garage…

Lazy rivers are for lazy people, not hardworking professionals like you. — Instead of lounging around like a tube potato this summer, get things done in the sun the next time you visit our park. Kick back and do everything but relax in your new office space: The Desk Tube®. Equipped with a retractable laptop tray, an underwater filing cabinet, and blown-up…

Not all of us are destined to shoot across the sky-y-y. Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, not one that transports groceries, but more like a transparent sandwich bag? …

How would you feel if a serious disease ravaged your internal organs and then a manufacturing plant staffed by elves set up shop inside you? When those hell-born beasts found me, I was only physically hollowed out. Enter a tiny old man with eight fingers and a big dumb flopped-over…