HOW UNSUCCESSFUL PEOPLE THINK (IS THIS YOU?!)
Warning: this post may offend some of you…
I was flying back home from China today and realized something big: At this point in my business I have helped nearly a hundred women to reach their body goals to shed fat, tone up, and #lookgoodnaked. This totally blew my mind!
After working with so many women, and having informal conversations with hundreds more, at this point I can tell with pretty good accuracy who is naturally programmed to succeed and who isn’t before we start working together.
There are certain easy-to-identify characteristics of the women who are literally programmed for failure… And those who are programmed for success.
Part of my job is to help you actively identify and re-wire these negative characteristics, so you can soar to massive success in all areas of your life: Hot body. Amazing career. Phenomenal relationship. Ultimate happiness.
I’ve outlined some of the most common sabotaging characteristics here — see if you identify with any of them.
The point of this post is not to offend you, but to make you aware of SOME of your negative thoughts and behaviors that are holding you back from success and happiness in your life.
For the simplicity of this article I’ve limited most of the examples to fitness, but you can easily apply these to other areas in your life.
Ready? Let’s get started —
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When you see someone FIT, ATTRACTIVE, WEALTHY, or SUCCESSFUL, what is the VERY FIRST thought that goes through your mind?
I’ll never look like “her.”
I just don’t have as good genetics as “her.”
“She” is perfect.
“She” must have been born that way.
“She” must have so much time.
“She” must have rich parents / have a wealthy husband
I’ll never be that confident.
I just don’t have as much discipline as she does.
I bet she spends hours working out.
I bet she barely eats anything.
I could never do that.
I like food too much.
I don’t have as much time as she does.
She must not have ever struggled like I did.
Why can’t I be like that.
It’s not fair.
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Blatant assumptions! Never-ending comparisons! Feelings of injustice! “it’s not fair” etc etc.
Unsuccessful people feel things like this CONSTANTLY, especially when they see someone hot, successful, or wealthy on social media.
They IDOLIZE their inspirations, instead of seeing us as real humans with real struggles. They create a massive divide in their heads between “me” and “her.” “I’ll never look like you.” “I could never do what you do.” Blah blah blah. (Well DUH you can’t, and you won’t, because you spend your time thinking shit like this…)
Successful people, on the other hand, recognize other successful people and immediately think —
“I wonder what I can learn from her?”
“I wonder what she’s doing differently that I can incorporate into my routine?”
“She was in my shoes once too. Maybe she can help me.”
They see me as a real human who struggled with the same things they are going through now, and can help them rise up to success.
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Unsuccessful people LOVE to complain, and talk about all the thousands of reasons they cannot do something.
Complaining gives them a sense of meaning and purpose, helping them justify their failures in life.
When they fall off the wagon, they tend to blame external factors:
“I couldn’t workout because I was traveling.”
“I couldn’t eat healthy because I went to my mom’s house.”
“I couldn’t meal prep because Mercury was in retrograde.”
Successful people fall off the wagon too. But they use very different language to talk about it. They take full ownership of their actions —
“I probably could have squeezed in a quick workout when I was traveling but got a little lazy and decided not too. I’ll definitely do better next time”
“I overate on fried food at my moms house, so next time I’m going to ask her to make some healthier snacks.”
“I got overwhelmed by work so this week I need to prioritize my time better.”
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Unsuccessful women do not value themselves.
They seriously think it’s better to “do everything themselves” than to ask for help, outsource tasks, or set boundaries for their energy.
You will find these women drowning under mountains of work, looking “productive” but not really producing much, taking on way more than they can handle because they want to impress people, endlessly procrastinating on scrolling social media as an escape mechanism, and ending each day exhausted, stressed, cranky, and having ZERO time for themselves or the things they truly value in life. Their self care is thrown out the window, and you can generally tell by their appearance.
Often this comes from feelings of feeling like you don’t deserve to be supported, you need to ‘prove something’ or stroke your ego by doing everything alone, or that you simply don’t recognize you are worth being supported in life.
Successful women value their time and see themselves as leaders. They actively prioritize their self care because it helps them perform at their peak.
They understand they simply cannot be leaders and help others in this world if they don’t take care of themselves first.
They ask for help when they need it. They actively seek out coaches and mentors who will help them move forward on their goals in life. They realize they are worth investing in themselves and being supported, and would never THINK to do everything themselves or just try to “figure everything out on their own.”
They set boundaries for their energy. They prioritize sleep. They manage STRESS so that they can focus on the things that matter most to them: Their work, their growth, their self care, their families, their friends, and making an impact in the world.
Note: This applies at all levels of your career, whether you are just starting out, a housewife, or more senior at your company. Think about it: What are the tasks that are draining your energy? What can you delegate, or get support for? If you can’t delegate anything, how can you manage your time better so you can focus on what matters? Why do you feel you don’t deserve to be supported?
This is something that took me a LONG time to learn myself… That I am worth being supported and asking for help with my goals. This is a huge topic that I talk a lot about with my clients. Probably merits an entirely separate blogpost. But start thinking about these questions now!
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Unsuccessful people surround themselves with other unsuccessful people!
They all complain together about how “they’ll never be fit” and about how “they really should go workout” (but never do) and how “they really shouldn’t eat five slices of pizza” (but they all do anyway).
It makes them feel better when they see other people failing with them.
And if one of their pack succeeds, the rest of them get jealous and attempt to bring her down. “Why are you so obsessed with the gym! Live a little! Just a few shots won’t hurt!” They would never DARE be friends with someone who is actually successful, because they would feel incredibly threatened by her confidence.
>> Successful people understand that in order to move forward in life you MUST be surrounding yourself with others who are further along the path to success than you. They actively seek out communities of other like minded people whom they can learn from and be supported by. They LOVE feeling like the dumbest person in a room, because they know they’re going to learn a TON and grow rapidly.
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Unsuccessful LOVE to download hundreds of free plans and guides… but they never actually “DO” anything…
They plan and plan and PLAN but never actually put money on the line or commit to “DOing” anything. Because “do-ing” is scary. When you put money on the line and actually commit to “do-ing” something, you might fail.
And unsuccessful people cannot deal with failure.
Since they believe their abilities in life are fixed, unsuccessful people take failure very personally. “I FAILED therefore I AM a FAILURE.”
They take all feedback as a direct insult to their self image, getting defensive, angry, and resentful.
Successful people just don’t have time for all this emotional bullshit.
Successful people value themselves enough to invest in themselves, heavily. They commit, they show up, and that is exactly why they succeed while others don’t.
If they fail they pick themselves up, learn from their mistakes, and get on with their life.
And honestly? They LOVE feedback and CRAVE self improvement.
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You see unsuccessful people making the same mistakes over and over and over. And OVER.
Every weekend it’s the same thing: Overeating. Feeling terrible when your pants don’t fit the next day. Restriction during the week. Binging again on the weekends since you restricted too hard during the week.
Every weekend they think “this week will be different” without realizing what is so obvious if you think about it logically… how will this week be different if you are doing absolutely nothing different?!
(For what it’s worth, I did this for too MANY years myself. You are not alone).
Successful people are self aware, curious, and learn from their mistakes.
They ask: Why did I overeat? How can I be better prepared next time I eat out? How can I balance my nutrition better to manage my cravings? Why aren’t my workouts working? What can I modify to make them more effective?
They don’t make the same mistake twice.
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Unsuccessful people wait until the “perfect time” to get started.
“I can’t workout until after I move.” “I can’t eat start eating healthy until after I’m back from vacation.” “I can’t start being healthy until after my exam/ project is over” “When the lunar eclipse is over” “When I get a divine sign from above and the planets align perfectly”
Successful people know there is no perfect time, and doing SOMETHING, even if it’s not perfect, is better than sitting around doing nothing…
Tip: Procrastination and perfectionism is often another form of fear of failure.
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Unsuccessful people seriously blow things out of proportion —
“I tried low carb and it didn’t work. What’s wrong with me. I have no willpower and I’ll be fat forever. No one will ever think I’m hot. Might as well eat this bag of cookies because there’s no way anything’s going to change anyway.”
Successful people learn to think accurately:
“I am a little heavier than I’d like to be, but I know with the right training and mindset I can change my body and my habits around overeating. I tried a few things that didn’t work because they weren’t sustainable. I just need to find the right plan that I can stick to.”
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Unsuccessful people only do things only when they “feel like it.”
Successful people do things even when they don’t “feel like it.”
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Unsuccessful people LOVE things like the “body positivity movement.”
It makes them feel better when they fail on their fat loss goals. Instead of trying again with the proper method, they run to body positivity “gurus” who comfort them: “Don’t change a thing! Fat is sexy! Your pants can’t be too tight if you never wear any!” These gurus glorify and sexualize body fat and forget to discuss allllll the health risks associated with high BMI levels. There is nothing sexy about diabetes if you ask me.
These women are secretly DYING to shed the excess weight so they can feel like themselves again in their cute clothes, they’re DYING to rock their crop top with more confidence… but instead of trying again (and risk failing), they sigh, put their chunky sweater back on, and convince themselves that their excess fat is a GOOD thing. Because they’re being “body POSITIVE!”
Successful people understand that REAL BODY POSITIVITY is when you feel like your body is FULLY in YOUR HANDS, your appearance is your CHOICE, and you truly LOVE what you see when you #lookgoodnaked!
Successful people do NOT base their self worth in what their body looks like, but also understand that yes, it’s completely ok to prefer one aesthetic to another, just like you prefer one house to another when you’re designing a home. They love themselves during the process of change, love and accept what they cannot change, and celebrate what makes them unique.
They actively LEARN the basics of training and nutrition to achieve the look they’d like, and find a plan they can stick to.
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Unsuccessful people take advice from other unsuccessful people.
They try keto because “my cousin did it and she lost 5lbs in a week!” (Without realizing this is all just water weight, only to be regained at the instant you remember how much you actually love bread and go on an inevitable carb binge at 2am….)
Successful people only take advice from people more successful than themselves.
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Unsuccessful people don’t trust themselves.
You’ll often finding them asking opinions of all 100 people around them- Should I do this? What will so and so think? Let me ask my parents / husband / second aunt once removed… I’ll let them talk me out of it because I don’t really believe in my dreams anyway…
Successful people trust themselves, their intuition, and they make decisions for themselves. Instead of saying “let me see what XYZ thinks” they say, “I know in my gut that this is right for me. I’ll do it even if it feels a little scary because I NEED it.”
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Unsuccessful people look at things and immediately say “That’s too expensive.“
Successful people say “What is the return on this?“
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Unsuccessful people see things they deeply desire… but say, “I’ll never be able to afford that.”
Successful people say, “HOW can I afford that?”
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AND FINALLY — IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THIS —
Deep down, unsuccessful people believe they will fail. They act in line with this belief, confirming their self-fulfilling prophecy, and they fail just like they KNEW they would all along.
Successful people on the other hand KNOW and believe in their hearts they will succeed. They accept nothing else for themselves.
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Look: If you’re not where you want to be in life — with your body, career, relationship, happiness — (or not on a clear path to get there) it is likely because of a set of limiting beliefs like this — beliefs around your ability to change, money, your self worth, or around asking for help.
If you resonate with some of these common negative beliefs, it’s ok. These beliefs are VERY common and are developed by your past experiences, your upbringing, your friends.
Beliefs like this “PROGRAM you” for either success or failure in life.
I myself held many of these beliefs for many years, holding me back from immense success in my business and my body.
I thought I could do everything myself, it was bad to ask for help, that my body was my genetics, and I just “loved food too much.” It was not until believed in myself enough to invest in coaches, mentors, and take actions that I got to where I am today, with my body, business, relationships, and overall happiness.
And let me tell you: If you want to succeed, you MUST start thinking and acting like a successful person.
Those of you who are destined for success will see this post as a wake up call and see how YOU are holding yourself back: Recognize your sabotaging beliefs, understand where they are coming from, and actively replace them with ones that empower you towards your goals. DAILY.
That is the only way to truly succeed, and achieve true happiness with your body and life.
Send me a DM on Instagram with your thoughts if you read this. I would love to know what epiphanies you had and how this has helped you.
PS:
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PPS:
If you’re a former or current client reading this, know that this post is NOT directed at you. I am VERY grateful that my awesome kickass clients are some of the most SUCCESSFUL women I know on this planet! Just the very act of working together indicates you value yourself enough to invest in yourself, which is one of the BIGGEST defining characteristics for success. >> Many of you come to me holding the SAME limiting beliefs I did, but the reason you are so successful with your body goals is because we recognize them and we are able to adapt your beliefs to ones that empower you. >> So ladies: Keep reinforcing your success mindset DAILY!!
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