An End of the Year Update on my Projects; My Feature Documentary, & the 2018 Plans for a ‘Queer Women Filmmakers Magazine’
The Feature Documentary ‘The Queer Case for Individual Rights: From International Film Student to Queer and Undocumented’ is mostly in Post-Production.
Most of the footage has been shot. I’m just starting a rough cut and will still have to put a trailer together, for grant proposals as well.
There are a lot of elements not yet in place as far as post-production is concerned, including graphics and music, even though I have some musicians in place. A narrative has been written for a voice-over, but not yet recorded.
There will be no interviews, “no breaking of the fourth wall” so to speak, and the film will feel much more like a “portrait of an artist,” and an “ode to Los Angeles,” the city I simultaneously love and hate, than a real immigration focused documentary. I moved here as a film student after all, to become a filmmaker in Los Angeles, not primarily as an immigrant. (And I still don’t desire US Citizenship at the cost of Dutch Citizenship, simply because Dutch rights and benefits are so much better than what the US could ever offer.)
There will be graphs explaining immigration law and history, and specifically LGBTQ immigration law and history, in a clearcut forward manner. It will be so clearcut in fact you will wonder why anyone had never explained immigration like this to the general public before. And there will hopefully be some simple animation sequences, detailing more graphic events in my life, experiences with homelessness, and sex life, the good kind, with women, but also including sexual assault and domestic violence at the hands of men.
It will have a lot of footage of Los Angeles, just as a city, some of it with me in it, just living my life and creating my work, and some without me, (actually shot by me,) of just scenery, LA life, the sprawling city, the congested freeways, the beaches, the gentrification, my neighborhood of Hollywood with all its’ homeless population, including the homeless artists and homeless LGBTQ youth, besides the drugdealers and the prostitution, and the corny tourist tours, the street performers, the film parties and red carpet premieres and the wildfires, and the various protests and marches of recent years.
It will include never before seen footage of my John Cassavetes Film Retrospective, with Cassavetes’ actors and crew in attendance, at the old Laemmle’s Monica 4-Plex in 2001, which now looks completely different as the Laemmle’s Monica Film Center after major remodeling.
All social media and crowdsourcing will still have to be build up, and fiscal sponsorship will be applied for next year.
All the creative elements are in place in that I’m very familiar with my subject matter and have a lot of ideas around raising awareness for my subject.
(I own all of my equipment and a film production company, and would hope for the film to be festival ready by 2019.)
The Backstory on the Documentary:
The story of a young, queer (trans-masculine, gender nonconforming lesbian) artist moving to Los Angeles from the Netherlands in the early 1990s to study film and be a filmmaker, only to be nearly annihilated by misogynist men in Hollywood as well as the US immigration system, with its’ LGBTQ exclusion policy discrimination in the form of the Defense Of Marriage Act (DOMA,) has been with me in one form or another as far back as 1996, when DOMA first went into effect.
It also talks about the cost of fear, the fear of having one’s freedom, and one’s life’s dream, taken away, exchanged for deportation, which for an LGBTQ person specifically translates into detention center abuse, (since deportation to a country more liberal and less oppressed than the US, like my homecountry the Netherlands, is not the worst part for me personally.)
And it talks about all the preceding fear, the fear to be found out, found out for not being US born, not being US native, and for being not from a country associated with immigration but from the original old world, from Europe, Western Europe no less, with which the US has a love-hate relationship historically speaking.
It talks about the loss of love, a loss at the opportunity at love, in the face of this all-consuming fear.
And finally it talks about overcoming this superficially created fear, based on nothing but injustice, (specifically because I did not enter the US illegally, nor overstayed on my own accord, but was forced into an opposite sex marriage and so a victim of male violence against women, and federally discriminated against by DOMA, which was signed into office in ’96, so after I was already here legally since 1992, and got struck down by the Supreme Court 11 years later in 2015, and after causing me to become and be illegal in the US,) in order to be able to live and love again.
I’ve always been into personal filmmaking, as well as journal writing, and moved from the Netherlands to the US myself in 1992 as a young, queer artist, legally on a 5-year Student Visa, to study film in Los Angeles and with intentions of becoming a filmmaker here.
(I got my Student Visa after acceptance into the Film Program at Los Angeles City College, with intentions to transfer to a 4-year university to get an MFA in Film, and after paying the hefty out-of-state tuition and all the fees and tests that came with moving legally, English tests, medical, criminal background, etc.)
I was coerced into an immigration marriage very early on by a fellow film student, who went on to become one of the co-writers (Erik Bergquist) of the first “Fast and the Furious” in 2001.
We were married in 1992 and divorced in 1994, after which I came out as a lesbian immediately, something I always knew and had lived according to but had no words for expressing, having grown up in the homophobic 80s, (particularly homophobic due to the AIDS crisis.)
Initially I had only written about my experiences as a lesbian and as an artist but never as a foreigner, since I never truly felt like a foreigner and Dutch and American culture aren’t that different after all, (the Netherlands playing a major role in the creation of the US as well, but the Netherlands ultimately being way more liberal than the US,) and never about my abusive, coerced opposite-sex marriage to a US Citizen husband, (in an effort to forget I guess, and just naturally focussing on what interested me, not what haunted me.)
That changed after a 1996 visit to an immigration service, who very openly discriminated against me for being a lesbian, and afterwards I decided to go all out with my story and include my abusive relationship with my ex-husband, and another guy who found out that my marriage had jeopardized my legal status in the US.
I was technically still legal in ’96 as my Student Visa was a 5-year Visa, which would expire in 1997. I had however adjusted my status from non-immigrant student to immediate relative/spouse of a US Citizen in 1992, making me almost immediately eligible for Permanent Residence in the US but we divorced in 1994, before my status was finalized through an immigration interview.
I had also started missing classes in 1993 and finally dropped out 1994, (just months away from an Associate’s Degree and eligible to transfer to a 4-year university on a 5-year visa extension,) due to my soon-to-be-ex-husband’s incessant stalking me everywhere, including following me back to the Netherlands once. So effectively I had violated the terms of my Student Visa. That’s why I visited the immigration services.
By 1993 I had also started a job at The Laemmle Theatres, hired legally, and paying income taxes on my real Social Security number, and which lasted through 2001. And by 1994 I had technically “come out” as a lesbian, while in love, and had started writing about that mainly, even though always living like a lesbian and gender nonconforming person throughout my life. (I permanently switched from girls clothes to boys clothes in 1979, at age 6, and demanded not to be treated like a girl. And I had always been “mistaken” for a boy throughout my life, for good and for bad.)
All the way up to 2012 my story expanded and expanded as both same-sex marriage and immigration kept becoming bigger subject matters in the US itself, and brought my own personal story into focus and the forefront that way, but stayed within the narrative feature realm, as I’d always pictured myself to become a narrative feature filmmaker.
In 2013, after coming out as gender nonconforming and experiencing a heartbreak months before same-sex marriage was going to become legal in California, again after Prop. 8 got repealed, I decided for practical reasons to switch over to documentary filmmaking.
Ever since 2013 I’ve been writing the story out as a blueprint for the documentary, and started writing separate articles about LGBTQ Immigration Exclusion as a real thing, which in the film will compliment my own story.
From 2013 through 2016 I wrote my whole story out, while filming throughout 2016, in the meantime also coming out as undocumented publicly, as the documentary basically necessitated that as well.
So in 2015 I came out, socially and online, as undocumented, or “Out-Of-Status” in my case, and as both victim of Violence Against Women as well as of LGBTQ marriage discrimination, and after having been more than fed up by having to hide certain parts of my multiple identities, or really having to hide whole identities at all.
Coming out as undocumented, while queer, (and they are never separate as it is my queerness that caused my undocumented status,) also caused a major detour in my creative progression.
In 2015 I started questioning my “real” identity indeed, as for the first time in 23 years here, (mostly under the radar, through lies by omission and no discernibly foreign accent,) I had “othered” myself in a very big way, and there was no way back, or out, from this.
And immigration had gotten under my skin when all of a sudden I started defining myself as an immigrant who’d moved to the US legally to study film in Los Angeles and become a filmmaker here, whereas before this I had always defined myself as a filmmaker and previous film student from Los Angeles, with some traveling experiences in Europe and a penchant for European philosophy. I had felt comfortable because this is where I wanted to be, as a filmmaker.
Immigration reminded me of the way it had gotten under my skin through DOMA, since it prevented me from marrying someone I could love and who would have the legal ability to sponsor me for US Citizenship.
But DOMA, and in relation to immigration, had not only made me feel federally discriminated against as a lesbian, my ability to love invalidated and “illegalized” and demoralized in the process, but had also made my existence as a foreigner perpetually tie in to another person, and by necessity a US Citizen.
To be married to a man as a lesbian is nothing short of torture but to be married to a woman, who is in charge of your ability to stay and work in the US by virtue of her US citizenship and her ability to sponsor you is also not that appealing, and frankly plain wrong.
Strangely some people assume that even in a forced marriage you somehow chose to be with a man, you must have not known you were a lesbian, while in reality I knew I didn’t want to be married to a man and only liked women as early as about age 5 , when I’d fight my mother tooth and nail over not wanting to wear dresses but only Levi’s jeans, like my father, and having secret crushes on a bunch of Hollywood actresses as early as I could absorb film.
And strangely enough other people can read my identity as a masculine woman and a lesbian from miles away, usually resulting in a hateful slur and a beer bottle thrown my way.
I was always solid in my identity and never experienced gender dysphoria, but I also couldn’t compromise at all, wear feminine clothes just to pass for instance, so as a result just grew more quiet and withdrawn.
US immigration law, as it stands, (and unlike the European, Canadian and Australian immigration systems, who have a more just merit system in place, focussing on individual merit instead of bloodline and childbirth, which always diminishes women as individuals in the process,) is primarily a family law immigration system, prioritizing spouses of US Citizens over all Work Visa holders.
(The US system, not only immigration, but all political systems, value women for their fertility, not their intelligence. Under the European system women can immigrate based on their intelligence, not based on if they want to marry Dutch people and how many babies they are willing to create with Dutch people, etc., as is the case here.)
Work Visas hardly ever lead to US Citizenship through employer based sponsorship, as it isn’t worth the legal trouble and finances for the employer, and as a result Work Visa holders often end up marrying US Citizens, usually after most visa extensions have been exhausted.
And so LGBTQ immigrants were prior to 2015 in the US always excluded from marrying and so from being sponsored by American spouses for US Citizenship.
Now I am really a romantic at heart and I would love to be married to a woman at some point in my life, especially after having been married to men twice, but I moved to the US as an individual, with potential and ambition and passion, and not as the relative of a US Citizen, my fate to live and work in the US in their hands. (And I personally advocate for a Merit-based System, a point-based system not unlike in Europe, and which truly coincides with the US Constitutional principles of Individual Rights.)
I moved here to study film and to become a filmmaker, even if I ultimately came to understand my need to be a filmmaker and in Los Angeles specifically, that is with a chance of real and international success, sprang forth from an erased and denied queer identity by society at large.
I realized my need for fame was really a need for visibility and validity and my need for money the need to be able to afford to live at all, being queer.
(And by the way, people generally speaking don’t watch Dutch films, even if the Dutch are the most free or happy people in the world, and might have something to say about how we got there. So if we Dutch filmmakers want to be heard at all, we have to say it in English, which isn’t a problem at all for the Dutch, but we also have to say it from English speaking soil, where the industry actually exists, so basically Hollywood, and that creates a problem, not with Dutch people but with US immigration.)
So I’ve realized that at the heart of my film Misogyny is the Theme that unites the story of inter-sectioning identities; always reinforcing each other and working against each other, in the struggle to live freely and love fully. It is also Misogyny that prevents women to live their lives as individuals, placing value in their intelligence, over their bodies, and their ability to procreate.
And so in 2017 I have come back full circle to my original concept; the story of a young, queer (trans-masculine, gender nonconforming lesbian) artist moving to Los Angeles from the Netherlands in the early 1990s to study film and be a filmmaker, only to be nearly annihilated by misogynist men in Hollywood as well as the US immigration system, with its’ LGBTQ exclusion policy discrimination in the form of the Defense Of Marriage Act (DOMA,) and becomes a person who survives and overcomes this.
In the process of juggling these various identities; as a human being and an individual, an artist, a lesbian, gender nonconforming person, “woman”/female-bodied, male-gendered, trans-masculine person, a Dutch Citizen, Dutch born and raised, Western European, bi-racial white-Asian, of partial colonized Indonesian heritage, international student in the US, foreigner, “out-of-status,” “illegal alien,” undocumented immigrant, male sexual violence against women victim, LGBTQ federal discrimination victim, I ultimately realized I relate to Queer Women Filmmakers the most.
And so I realized that is also what my Main Audience would consist of; Queer Women Filmmakers, not necessarily immigrants and not solely LGBTQ people, but Queer Women Filmmakers exactly.
After being able to pinpoint my ideal audience, my fellow Queer Women Filmmakers, and after being fed up of questioning my “immigrant identity,” as I simply don’t really have one, only an Immigration Status, which I am eligible to adjust for US Citizenship under the Violence Against Women Act, and after questioning my Moral Right to be here; after reasoning that I entered the US legally, paid all my fees, passed all my tests and background checks, and was only ever Federally Discriminated from Legal Immigration by virtue of my Sexual Orientation, I decided I was mostly past this subject finally, and past this part of my life, of having to reconcile being undocumented, even if still living with the very real consequences and in uncertainty and always fear.
On Plans for a Nonprofit ‘Queer Women Filmmakers Magazine’ in 2018:
I will finish the Documentary ‘The Queer Case for Individual Rights: From International Film Student to Queer and Undocumented,’ and will put my heart and soul in it as I have done so far, but I have personally also moved on to other creative endeavors, refocussing on things which interest me personally, and which I wrote about before my immigration status became unbearable to the point of having to come out with it publicly, and I started an idea for a Magazine; a Printed Publication, titled ‘Queer Women Filmmakers Magazine,’ with an accompanying Media Site, queerwomenfilmmakers.org
The Magazine, ‘Queer Women Filmmakers Magazine,’ will officially launch as a Nonprofit in 2018, and will be published Quarterly starting in 2018, available at limited outlets in Los Angeles in Print format, and sent out as Subscriptions eventually.
I will not be doing most of the writing myself, other than a regular newsletter and an occasional article, and will serve mainly as the magazine’s Creative Director.
The Main Perk of this Magazine is that All Writers, (Guest- and eventual Staff,) Will Get Paid, per Article.
Currently my own Articles are Published on Medium, at medium.com/@gabriellabregman, and on my Medium Publication, (created to launch the magazine,) at medium.com/queerwomenfilmmakersmagazine.
The Magazine will cover the Broad Topics of: Lesbian/ Queer Film, Intersectional Feminism, Female Queer Sexuality, and Gender Identity, and will consist of Longer, In-Depth Content, rather than super brief articles.
It will also be more Philosophical in nature than strictly political, and will encourage Critical Thinking Pieces over the latest news and “click-baity” type of material.
It will feature Lesbian and Queer Film Reviews and Filmmaking Pieces, Interviews and Photo Shoots, Queer Sex Educational Pieces, Lesbian/ Queer Historical Pieces, and Personal Accounts and Testimonials of (Inter-sectioning) Queer Identities and Love.
(It is not a lesbian “things to do in Los Angeles” type of magazine, even though Los Angeles Queer Culture and History would ideally be covered as well, and it is not a dating magazine and site, even though plenty sexual in nature. It is also not a job listing nor film work directory of sorts. I have a Facebook Group for that; ‘Queer Women Filmmakers Center, Los Angeles.’)
A MAILING LETTER for ‘Queer Women Filmmakers Magazine’ will be also started in 2018, as well as a “Flexible Goal” Fundraising Campaign.
Furthermore, every Quarterly Printed Publication will be accompanied by a Fundraising & Networking Mixer on the day of publication.
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If you enjoyed this Article, please recommend it by pushing the Clap Button at the bottom of the page, or share in your Social Media, or both.
And please check out my other articles at medium.com/@gabriellabregmanon mainly LGBTQ- and Immigration Issues, and the State of Women and LGBTQ People in Film, and at medium.com/queerwomenfilmmakersmagazine , on Lesbian/Queer Film and Intersectional Feminism as well as Queer Female Sexuality and Gender Identity.
Here are a few titles:
A Few Notes on US Immigration Exclusion Policies Towards Women- and LGBT Immigrants (2014)
A Note on the State of Women in Film (2016)
A Few Notes on LGBTQ Filmmaking (2017)
On ‘Moonlight’ and the Subject of Positive Representation (2017)
The 2016 Valentine’s Day Filmmakers Manifesto (2016)
THE ROOT CAUSE OF MISOGYNY, AND THE NECESSITY OF FREE WILL(Gender Binary System notes, part 1 of 7)
THE MALE AND FEMALE BRAIN, AND THE CAUSE OF TRANSGENDERISM (Gender Binary System notes, part 2 of 7)
THE REASONS I AM NOT TRANSITIONING (Gender Binary System notes, part 3 of 7)
MY PRONOUNS: THEY/THEM/THEIRS (Gender Binary System notes, part 5 of 7)
ON LOOKING ANDROGYNOUS THROUGHOUT MY YOUTH, WHILE ALSO BEING GENDER NONCONFORMING (Gender Binary System notes, part 6 of 7)
Click for Complete List of Articles (2016)
My name is Gabriella Bregman, I am a Hollywood-based writer, filmmaker, producer, currently in post-production of a feature documentary called ‘The Queer Case for Individual Rights,’ through my film production company ‘Bregman Films.’
You can find me mostly on Facebook for right now, (facebook.com/gabriellabregman,) where I also maintain a Facebook Group called ‘Queer Women Filmmakers and Writers - Los Angeles’
In September of 2017 I founded a nonprofit organization, ‘Queer Women Filmmakers Magazine,’ a Media Site and Magazine Publication for Queer Women Filmmakers.
In early 2018 article submissions will be accepted for paid publication on the site and in the print version, (quarterly.)
The publication medium.com/queerwomenfilmmakersmagazine exists in conjunction with the Queer Women Filmmakers Magazine website queerwomenfilmmakersmagazine.org
