The Reasons I Am Not Transitioning
Gender Binary System notes (part 3 of 7)
(Note: This article was originally published on Sept. 12 2016 as ‘Gender Binary System notes.’ It was written as a loose set of notes on the gender-binary as an exclusive system, and its’ limitations, rather than as a cohesive article or essay. I have broken the article up in 7 parts, with 7 different titles, for your reading convenience.)
THE REASONS I AM NOT TRANSITIONING
As a (44 year old) trans-masculine/gender nonconforming lesbian I’ve done enough research by now to know my identities are real and valid, while I personally experience no dysphoria at all, never have, and personally don’t feel any feel any need to transition. (This is my personal experience only of course!)
I don’t feel the need to transition personally because I don’t find any validity in having my maleness or femaleness accepted by most others. I also don’t find any incompatibility between being both male and female at the same time and actually appreciate the complexity of it. It has gotten me in a lot of uncomfortable and even dangerous situations but I personally embrace the combination of male and femaleness to the extent that I experience it.
Since there is no morally right way to be in terms of gender, it really doesn’t matter if one is male or female or both. And it certainly doesn’t stand it the way of my sexuality, since I don’t feel two female-bodied individuals are incompatible with each other, obviously, and my internal sense of maleness also doesn’t get in the way of my female body. I experience myself mostly as a straight guy, a somewhat sensitive one I guess, certainly an artistic one, but a straight guy nonetheless.
And with the added complexity of understanding what it is to be female based on my bodily experiences, not gender experiences, and to what extent I am perceived as female by society. All I would want for is the full acceptance, and understanding, to the extent that that’s possible, of my gender identity and sexual orientation of those who are close to me.
Since I’m not transitioning I will have to rely on female facilities, which is no problem to me, and be perceived as female legally, which is also no problem to me. This complex way of experiencing both femaleness and maleness only adds to my understanding of the need for female equal treatment and rights, and have given me an opportunity to embrace feminism in my own unique way.
I personally feel no need for a whole lot of societal acceptance of my transgenderism, gender nonconformity or lesbianism, and primarily have the need for equal individual rights under the law. I know a certain amount of societal acceptance is necessary for my personal happiness, health and safety but do not place a whole lot of validity in the general intelligence levels of a lot of the world’s population.
High intelligence, beyond natural disposition I mean, generally requires an intense focus and the majority of people simply lack the will to focus. In other words, people do not like to think a lot, even though their livelihood depends on it, and prefer to feel a lot instead. Feelings give off a sense of euphoria and are experienced more immediately, working almost like a drug.
Thinking requires intense focus and will power and its’ effects, though both more even and intense, are not experienced as rushing and immediate. The discovery of knowledge fills one with a longterm sense of accomplishment and a certainty, which is extremely satisfying, but simply harder to attain. Once it is attained however it is also way harder to lose than the ever-changing, short term nature of experiencing primarily feelings.
I’m also in no way implying that transgenderism and gender nonconformity, or non-binary identities, are one and the same.
Plenty of transgender individual are very binary, experiencing themselves truly as male or female. While with gender nonconforming people the binary extremes aren’t really experienced as such and they often feel somewhere in between, experiencing either both genders or neither, or somewhere in between that.
Even though I experienced myself as (straight) male throughout my life, and dressed and behaved accordingly, it took me quite a while, and a lot of research, to settle on my own identities as trans-masculine, (as opposed to trans-male,) as in “a milder form” of trans-male, as well as gender nonconforming, feeling that lacking any gender dysphoria and also not wanting to transition positioned me somewhere in between male and female somehow, as in male-gendered and female-bodied simultaneously.
(This kind of information, and acceptance around it, was simply not available to me growing up in the 1980s. I really only started vocalizing these identities in a clear way in 2012, 39 years of age by then.)
I also retained the sexual orientation of being lesbian, since not transitioning and so socially and moreover legally perceived as female, while for me this merely means just being attracted to women, not necessarily while experiencing myself as a woman, which I don’t. I just have no conflict with having a male gender and a female body, and can only hope that others I care about could understand and accept this about me.
And for the record, I identify as female, despite my male gender. My pronouns are: They/Them/Theirs.
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Gender Binary System notes (2016) (Original Article in its’ Entirety)
THE ROOT CAUSE OF MISOGYNY, AND THE NECESSITY OF FREE WILL(Gender Binary System notes, part 1 of 7)
THE MALE AND FEMALE BRAIN, AND THE CAUSE OF TRANSGENDERISM (Gender Binary System notes, part 2 of 7)
THE REASONS I AM NOT TRANSITIONING (Gender Binary System notes, part 3 of 7)
HOW MY GENDER NONCONFORMING IDENTITY AFFECTED MY LEGAL IMMIGRATION STATUS (Gender Binary System notes, part 4 of 7)
MY PRONOUNS: THEY/THEM/THEIRS (Gender Binary System notes, part 5 of 7)
ON LOOKING ANDROGYNOUS THROUGHOUT MY YOUTH, WHILE ALSO BEING GENDER NONCONFORMING (Gender Binary System notes, part 6 of 7)
THE GENDER-BINARY SYSTEM WAS CREATED FOR POPULATION CONTROL AND SLAVERY, INCLUDING SEX SLAVERY (Gender Binary System notes, part 7 of 7)
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And please check out my other articles at medium.com/@gabriellabregman, on mainly LGBTQ- and Immigration Issues, and the State of Women and LGBTQ People in Film, and at medium.com/queerwomenfilmmakersmagazine , on Lesbian/Queer Film and Intersectional Feminism as well as Queer Female Sexuality and Gender Identity.
Click for Complete List of Articles (2016)
My name is Gabriella Bregman, I am a Hollywood-based writer, filmmaker, producer, currently in post-production of a feature documentary called ‘The Queer Case for Individual Rights,’ through my film production company ‘Bregman Films.’
You can find me mostly on Facebook for right now, (facebook.com/gabriellabregman,) where I also maintain a Facebook Group called ‘Queer Women Filmmakers and Writers - Los Angeles’
In September of 2017 I founded a nonprofit organization, ‘Queer Women Filmmakers Magazine,’ a Media Site and Magazine Publication for Queer Women Filmmakers.
In early 2018 article submissions will be accepted for paid publication on the site and in the print version, (quarterly.)
The publication medium.com/queerwomenfilmmakersmagazine exists in conjunction with the Queer Women Filmmakers Magazine website queerwomenfilmmakersmagazine.org
