Kelly Sheehan-Heath – Medium

Kelly Sheehan-Heath

Kelly Sheehan-Heath
in
Pitfall

Thanks for Petsitting Our Goblin! She’s So Loving and Sets Only the Teeny-Weeniest Of Fires!

The fire extinguisher is next to the umbrella stand!

5 min readMay 30, 2024

--

2

Image of a building on fire; it might have been a cabin. The only thing left and still ablaze is the framework, which appears blackened and ready to collapse. The flames are bright orange and seem out of control. Some dark grey smoke is also visible in the shot.

--

2

Kelly Sheehan-Heath
in
MuddyUm

History-making Total Solar Eclipse Was a Flop in the Eyes of Impatient Gen Alpha

One astronomer, whose sons are part of the pack of dopamine-hungry hyenas, is now planning for the future

7 min readApr 24, 2024

--

A photo from the perspective of someone lifting a pair of eclipse glasses to the sky. Through one of the dark lenses, we can see a speck of orange light — an eclipse as it is happening. The sky in the background is bright blue and mostly clear.

--

Kelly Sheehan-Heath
in
The Haven

In Defence of Candace Owens

Looking at one of the Daily Wire’s most dire hires from another angle

9 min readApr 8, 2024

--

An AI portrait, in the style of character concept art, of Candace Owens. She’s wearing an old-fashioned, high collar dress with puff sleeves. The dress has the colours and stripes of the American flag and an American flag waves in the background behind her.

--

Kelly Sheehan-Heath
in
MuddyUm

Kylie Jenner Reads Dune

Were you aware of the Kylie Jenner-Timothée Chalamet romance? Were you aware of the ways this romance has changed Kylie’s life???

10 min readMar 12, 2024

--

1

An AI generated image of Kylie Jenner on the desert planet of Arrakis. She holds a book in one hand and her smartphone in the other. There is a reddish sky with a setting sun behind her and sand all around her. In the distance, we see what appears to be a landing space ship.

--

1

Kelly Sheehan-Heath
in
The Pub

The Goose, the Karen and the Catchpole

A story every bit as good as the one C.S. Lewis wrote! A future classic you might just click on and skim for 26 whole seconds!

23 min readFeb 14, 2024

--

Image of an angry-looking white goose. Its head is tilted back, and it is honking or hissing. Its orange beak is open, and its tongue is showing. The background is a meadow with white flowers in soft-focus — alt text to boost Medium stories.

--

Kelly Sheehan-Heath
in
The Haven

The First Day of 4th Grade, According to a Conservative

The chorus to “Girls and Boys” by Blur was a prophetic warning!!

6 min readJan 2, 2024

--

Image of an old-fashioned slate chalkboard with the message “Back to School” written on it in cursive. A piece of chalk is seen resting against the slate chalkboard — alt text to boost Medium stories.

--

Kelly Sheehan-Heath
in
Horror Hounds

The Girl in a Swing Is the Best Ghost Story You’ve Never Read

There was a lot more to Richard Adams than bunnies

18 min readDec 1, 2023

--

2

Image of a hardcover copy of The Girl In A Swing by Richard Adams. It’s a first-edition. The art on the dust jacket is a drawing of a Girl-in-a-Swing figure, made by Charles Gouyn between 1749 and 1759

--

2

Kelly Sheehan-Heath
in
MuddyUm

Entire Planet Breathes A Sigh of Relief Over Downfall of Weird-Ass Disney Adult

One brave woman sacrificed her freedom to tackle the worst crime on the Internet: cringe

7 min readOct 23, 2023

--

3

We see the back of a woman’s head in gold, sparkly Minnie Mouse ears as she walks toward Cinderella Castle at the centre of a Disney theme park — alt text to boost Medium stories.

--

3

Kelly Sheehan-Heath
in
Pitfall

“What Am I, Chopped Liver?”, Anthropomorphic Chopped Liver Asks His Estranged Wife

Lisa, reconsider what you’re doing! It’s not too late! Your husband LOVES you!

4 min readOct 23, 2023

--

2

A block of pâté is seen beside a partly sliced loaf of rustic bread. There is also a knife, ready to spread the pâté on the bread— alt text to boost Medium stories

--

2

Kelly Sheehan-Heath
in
Horror Hounds

A Fountain of Blood in the Shape of a Girl: The Kaleidoscopic Themes of Junji Ito’s Tomie

The Ito-verse melded with Barbie World this summer, and the pink blockbuster’s commentary on gender has similarities to Tomie’s

45 min readSep 7, 2023

--

A Fountain of Blood in the Shape of a Girl: The Kaleidoscopic Themes of Junji Ito’s Tomie

--

Kelly Sheehan-Heath

Kelly Sheehan-Heath

Creative writer. Unserious adult. I'm a picnic in a graveyard.

Following

Help
Status
About
Careers
Press
Blog
Privacy
Terms
Text to speech
Teams