2022 — The year of the generalist
I know I said that WAGMI in the last year but folks, lemme catch my breath…
Hey there!
It's the first day of January 2023. The year we’ve all been waiting for, oh wait! it was 2022 we all waited for and I really recall thinking WAGMI.
Ladies and gentlemen, I seat here and struggle to put my thoughts together. Fortunately, I woke up to the best gifts anyone could ask for; my friends from my Technical Writing group sent a 9-minute+ video sharing their favorite thing about me, prayers, and wishes and I really can’t be happier.
In the last few years, I really have grown, lived, loved, shared, cared, been cared for, and cried as well. But in all, I always wanted to be better. I aimed for perfection even though that was impossible. I just stretched all the time. If the article wasn’t banging as hard, I wouldn’t publish it. If the text message ain’t better, I wouldn’t share, if the gift wasn’t as great, I won’t give it out. I wouldn't do anything if I second-guessed myself even for a second.
But hey, these guys went out of their way, in the middle of a busy schedule and a holiday to put together the best gift ever and I am thinking “What's a year in review that you cannot write?”
I got on my PC on the 1st of January, 2023 and in a bid to get my juices flowing, I decided to read a couple of articles on medium, and that's when I found this perfect piece. I actually think this was written for me.
The More Perfect You Are, the More Insecure You Become By Darius Foroux
This gift from my friends, the article, and about 2 more articles from this author Darius Foroux stood out to me because they reminded me of who I am. A strong, humble, confident, natural being that loves to share, learn, and grow.
I lost myself in 2022. Don’t get me wrong, I achieved everything I wrote on paper. I mean asides from relocating and doing my best work plus 10 other things. But yeah, my long list of things I wanted to do got checked.
Now you are wondering why I feel this way. Uhmmmm, I am an overachiever and yes Best is not good enough. I always feel the need to do excellent.
Because I lost confidence in myself, I resorted to hiding behind people at work, community, volunteering, and everything. I just chickened out because I wasn’t confident in myself or what I could do and this made me step back from speaking, mentoring, taking up new challenges, or even taking up things I could try at work.
However, I felt more like a failure and a fraud than anything in 2022. That’s why in this new year, there are really no new goals. I want to do good work, love, study, feel confident, take up new challenges, learn, and be vulnerable about my capabilities — I need to get Obiagu back.
Here goes nothing!
2022 in all shades of Grey
First, the highlights…
- The video from the technical writer support group is my highlight for 2022. It is the best and most thoughtful gift I received in 2022.
- My girlfriends won — One moved with her husband to Germany, the other cleared her debts and is living a healthier and better life, the other became a mum, one graduated from school and damn! I am proud of the women in my life.
- I am a better big sister — I am super proud of my kid sisters, Melvina is working and doing very well for herself even without finishing her project. Olivia is running her own business while helping at the family business and getting her BSc and then Benita, just graduated from high school and I can’t wait to see how much they grow this year.
- I learned how to drive a car. This is one thing from my list that I was very intentional about and I am super proud of myself for doing this.
- My best friend got married (My best friend is my husband 😉. Yes, I got married).
- I turned 26.
- I got back to school. Currently studying computer science at the University of Derby, UK to get a BSC; of course, it’s distance learning.
Now, let’s take a look at the things I highlighted in my year in review-for 2021.
- Yeah, about being a successful technical writer. I lost that part. This is the year I wrote less. Or better put, the year I wrote and rarely published. I didn’t publish up to 10 articles in total this year. It’s crazy given that I write a lot.
- Oh Yes! I built a community and they are guilty of making me cry on New Year's. I had a long document on things I wanted to do with this group of humans but I never got around to even mentioning them because I chickened out. But yeah, I am glad I impacted lives and they appreciate the community.
- Well, I think I mentored more than one. Maybe not a close-up kind of mentoring but yeah, I did that successfully. I just need to be upfront about it and be open more and not feel like I will be found out as a fraud.
- In Q2, I earned more, and yes I ended the year not earning as much as I earned in June because I had to quit all my gigs and not take any jobs to maintain one to be able to give it my all and find where I shine the brightest. Yes, I can earn more money but I want to focus on learning and being an expert in 2023. I want to be able to define my “enough”.
- Yes, I traveled within and outside Nigeria. Lagos, Nigeria saw me a lot this year, and then I was in Benin Republic with some mutuals. I didn’t join the trip to Ghana but it’s January and I have a trip to Kenya already planned. I want to visit at least 5 countries this year, and also travel solo at least once, SHMG.
- Yes, I didn’t exactly spoil everyone but I tried, abeg.
- Ok, I didn’t take even one course to talk more about courses. That should change this year, though.
- Did I say 12 books? Omo! I lost track of how many I read, but I am certain it ain’t up to 12. But this year, we go again.
- I wasn’t productive. I know I didn’t read more, study, or write more. I was majorly just there.
- Yes! I can drive a car. Now, we’ll figure out how to ride a bicycle, and learn to swim too, I hope.
Now, to the things that were not on this list but happened:
- I mentored a cohort of technical writers for Techcognito and SCA. It was an amazing experience even though I struggled to put in my best, I am grateful that experience birthed more successful technical writers.
- I spoke at I/O Extended Uyo and Devfest Lagos. I attended OSCAfest 2022 in Lagos as well among other events.
- Celebrated one year at Atsign. To be honest, I never thought that I would last because I just felt that I wasn’t doing so great. However, seeing how I already spent a year at the company feeling bad for myself, what if I actually got rid of that fear and just got shit done?
Things I didn’t like in 2022
- I didn’t get to study my book “Writers craft”. This book is supposed to make my English better and I failed to finish or even stay consistent enough to get past chapter 2.
- My writing sucked.
- I lacked confidence as I result I hid under my shell and didn’t dare to do anything.
- Didn’t take feedback too well. And allowed feedback to pull me down instead of grow and improve.
- I started out strong at the gym only to lose it all in Q4. I plan to find a gym immediately after David and I move to our new home. Till then, I’ll try to minimize carbonated drinks and alcohol.
Losing myself, and my confidence, and not finding any motivation to do anything was something I never imagined I’d experience because I am Obiagu (Lions heart). To make it worse, my friends just felt it was a phase and I was a strong woman.
I felt guilty about not doing great work to the point where I considered quitting my job and searching for another path out of tech. But where will I possibly start? In Nigeria, our current messiah is working in tech. If we had a better system, maybe I would’ve enrolled for military training or learned a craft but I was so scared of not being successful at something else and somehow I had to show up daily.
This new year may not be different. I know leaving a dungeon of fear is terrifying but I want to be optimistic that I can do it. Seeing my friends say things about me and all of them reminds me of why I set out on this path and who I am — I am Cynthia Peter, the empathetic and understanding one that loves to help people.
In this new year, I am starting on a clean slate. A new home, just one job, school, and a will to do amazing work that I am proud of. My song for the year has to be Empire Cast — Conqueror (feat. Estelle & Jussie Smollett). In the last year, Hand of God by Job Bellion was my go-to song because it really was the one thing I held onto.
Tears at a funeral, tears at a funeral, I might break
Angry at all the things, angry at all the things I can’t change
When you’re lost in the universe, lost in the universe
Don’t lose faith
My mother says, “Your whole life’s in the hand of God”
Nothing has changed, he is the same
“Your whole life’s in the hand of God”
Lessons learned…
- The feedback, reviews, and comments are not a reflection of who I am. Rather, it’s an opportunity for me to pick up the slack and improve.
- Life is tough, everyone is figuring it out and I am not that special.
- I am confident, loved, cared for, and appreciated and I should always believe in myself because all the doubts are in my mind.
- Accept my personality and find ways to live with it rather than make efforts to change it. Yes, I procrastinate, I am a perfectionist, and I am scared of being found out to be a fraud. So, rather than try to change anything, I’ll work at being better at everything I choose to do. I plan to take my cue from Darius.
I’ve observed that all successful people who remain successful are like that. They don’t focus on perfecting one thing only. Instead, they grow with and adapt to their environment. By Darius Foroux
Plans for the new year
- Be an understanding and lovely partner to David.
- Take my health, exercise, and diet seriously.
- Workaround themes, systems, goals, and discipline.
- Spend more time reading and writing.
- Travel, create memories, and live.
- Build a better relationship with God.
- Spoil my man and my friends with gifts in the new year.
- Find a way to balance my feminine and masculine traits. I want to always remind myself that I do not need to prove anything and that I am a woman that can choose to wear shorts and a t-shirt today and wear a sexy dress tomorrow.
- In all, I really want to LIVE. I want to reward myself more. I always rate people and celebrate them more than I do myself and this makes me forget my own wins.
In the new year, I’ll celebrate every tiny moment — be it an early morning selfie with David, a finished article, a good or successful call, a compliment from my teammate, or anything at all that brightens my day will call for a celebration and I’ll like to adopt this method by @lara_hogan. I need to figure out one thing I can use to mark every win — I am thinking it should be chocolate or a glass of wine. I’ll share what it’s going to be when I figure it out.
Appreciation
My friends are the MVP through everything. I am grateful for the friends I have. I love you guys like crazy. I always say it to y’all but this year, I’ll say it more. Thank you for being a part of my journey.
I am grateful to my teammates at Atsign, and most especially to Anthony. I really have no idea what I did to deserve the team and the understanding and support I get but I want to earn it all this year.
My technical writing support group — Guys, I promise to be a better me. Thanks to all of you for the amazing work you do and I am super proud of all of you. I appreciate the flowers, love, and care.
To my family, the new and the ever-will-be, I love you all. I live for all the memories I have created with you.
To David, you’re my best friend and I can’t ask for anything better. I am grateful to the heavens for sending me a lifetime reminder of quality partnership and Love. Thank you for choosing to do forever with me.
To you my reader, I thank you for coming on this journey with me. I really hope we have a better year in 2023.
Best wishes and Happy new year. Till I write you again, Obiagu ✍️
Control shared an interesting email with me and I loved the idea of a Theme rather than a resolution. Watch the video and see if it aligns with you somehow, too.
