Open in app

Sign in

Write

Sign in

Ellie Scott
Ellie Scott

817 Followers

Home

Lists

About

Published in

The Haven

·Pinned

An Open Letter to the Men Who Hit On Me By Saying “Nice Dog”

I need you to clarify something because my self-esteem is on the line. — Dear Men, Is it my dog you think is “nice”, or are you calling me a “nice dog”? I only ask because I’m chronically insecure and men make me nervous, and I can never quite tell when you guys are hitting on me, when you’re merely being polite, and when…

Open Letter

3 min read

An Open Letter to the Men Who Hit On Me By Saying “Nice Dog”
An Open Letter to the Men Who Hit On Me By Saying “Nice Dog”
Open Letter

3 min read


Published in

Scuzzbucket

·Pinned

This is What I Find at The Bottom of the Glass

Backwash and bad heads. — Drink hits And I am soaked in butter, Drizzled in honey, Soft, gooey, saccharine sweet. All warm smiles and Whitter for miles. Silly, Sunny, Sassy, Funny. I am she who writes, She who entertains, Life and soul, Salt of Earth, Your new best mate In t’queue for t’loo. Head high, chin up: “I like your dress. “Where’s your…

Poetry

1 min read

This is What I Find at The Bottom of the Glass
This is What I Find at The Bottom of the Glass
Poetry

1 min read


Published in

The Memoirist

·Pinned

That Time I Had to Call Pest Control on My Breast Mice

A TMI retelling of my lumpectomy experience (and a vivid description of my asymmetrical ta-tas). —

Memoir

6 min read

That Time I Had to Call Pest Control on My Breast Mice
That Time I Had to Call Pest Control on My Breast Mice
Memoir

6 min read


Sep 24

A Fraught Fowl Fable

The uprising is nigh — Winner, winner, chicken dinner, poor old Chuck is not a grinner, destined for the pot to simmer, feels the horror rising in her. Old McDonald’s her tough boss, Chuck stopped laying, made him cross, wife’s preparing white wine sauce while he axe-wields to cull the dross. Chuck gets hunting for…

Poetry

2 min read

A Fraught Fowl Fable
A Fraught Fowl Fable
Poetry

2 min read


Published in

Scuzzbucket

·Sep 19

Musculoskeletal Manipulation

It’s all pseudoscience if you ask me — I read a thing about chiropractors and how they could kill you with a single dodgy crick of your neck. …

Poetry

2 min read

Musculoskeletal Manipulation
Musculoskeletal Manipulation
Poetry

2 min read


Sep 17

The Saga of the Barnacle

An autobiography — Barbara was a barnacle — clingy, sticky, unwilling to get moving. She sat and she stewed and grew rough around her edges, stuck stubborn amidst high tides and searing rays and sea storms that blustered for days. …

Poetry

2 min read

The Saga of the Barnacle
The Saga of the Barnacle
Poetry

2 min read


Sep 8

What Can We Learn from the Anteater Diet?

It’s perfectly alright to like what you like — Anteaters eat far more than just ants, dude, don’t write them off as boring with food. They also eat termites, and some munch on beetles and… alright, I’ll admit, they’ve a limited menu. But anteaters like what they like, alright? And they’ve liked what they like for long enough time that they’ve…

Poetry

3 min read

What Can We Learn from the Anteater Diet?
What Can We Learn from the Anteater Diet?
Poetry

3 min read


Published in

Scuzzbucket

·Feb 24

If You Hate Yourself, Wash Your Hair

Depression is no match for self-care — don’t panic, poppet. you don’t really hate yourself, you just need to wash your hair. rub away the dead skin cells until your scalp squeaks, keep scrubbing at the live skin cells until your scalp leaks skin goo and sloughs away, then take a pumice stone and let the water quench the dust as you sand down your…

Poetry

1 min read

If You Hate Yourself, Wash Your Hair
If You Hate Yourself, Wash Your Hair
Poetry

1 min read


Published in

Voiced Verses

·Feb 22

A Pep Talk for Grey Days

For me and for anyone who needs it — the grey cloud above you is whispering insisting you’re the only one it casts in shade. you glance at the smiles on faces every which way assuming they’re painted by sunshine’s rays. the grey cloud’s murmurings are untruths and they’ll be the ruin of you if you listen. grey clouds plague many not a few certainly…

Poetry

2 min read

A Pep Talk for Grey Days
A Pep Talk for Grey Days
Poetry

2 min read


Feb 20

32 Dumb Lessons I Learned in 32 Dumb Years: Idiot Edition

Penned by an emotionally wrecked, socially incompetent moron — I might have just turned another year older (boo), but at least I’ve become another year wiser (yay) so here’s a cliché list of 32 lessons I learned by age 32 that should only make you want to throw up a teeny-tiny bit. 1. When you cut into a cucumber…

Humor

5 min read

32 Dumb Lessons I Learned in 32 Dumb Years: Idiot Edition
32 Dumb Lessons I Learned in 32 Dumb Years: Idiot Edition
Humor

5 min read

Ellie Scott

Ellie Scott

817 Followers

Writer, worrier, big fan of dogs. https://linktr.ee/elliescott

Following
  • Amy Sea

    Amy Sea

  • Robert Bush

    Robert Bush

  • Val Francis

    Val Francis

  • Benjamin Davis

    Benjamin Davis

  • Louise Foerster

    Louise Foerster

See all (182)

Help

Status

About

Careers

Blog

Privacy

Terms

Text to speech

Teams