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The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

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  • FUNNY STUFF
    Steal This ‘Out of Office’ Email

    Steal This ‘Out of Office’ Email

    Hello and thanks for your message!
    Go to the profile of Evan Wildstein
    Evan Wildstein
    Jul 5
    A Classic Convert Isn’t Always So Cool

    A Classic Convert Isn’t Always So Cool

    In the beginning of our relationship, everything got really heated
    Go to the profile of Brooke Ramey Nelson
    Brooke Ramey Nelson
    Jul 5
    My Message To The Graduates

    My Message To The Graduates

    Heed my words, young ones
    Go to the profile of Tommy Paley
    Tommy Paley
    Jul 5
    You’ve Got To Worry When They Start Saying The Quiet Part Out Loud

    You’ve Got To Worry When They Start Saying The Quiet Part Out Loud

    Or Is It The Stupid Part?
    Go to the profile of David Volk
    David Volk
    Jul 5
    Book ’em, Slappy

    Book ’em, Slappy

    Hannibal Buress started the machinery that brought serial rapist Bill Cosby to justice. After the death of Michelle McNamara, Patton Oswalt…
    Go to the profile of Patrick Flynn
    Patrick Flynn
    Jul 5
    Friendships

    Friendships

    Everything changes, no matter what
    Go to the profile of Terry Trueman
    Terry Trueman
    Jul 5
    God Gets Distracted On The Way To Fixing World Peace

    God Gets Distracted On The Way To Fixing World Peace

    Now, where was I again?
    Go to the profile of Sharmila Shankarkumar
    Sharmila Shankarkumar
    Jul 5
    More Quiet Desperations of a Straight Old White Guy

    More Quiet Desperations of a Straight Old White Guy

    Kombucha? Am I supposed to know what that even is?
    Go to the profile of Freeman Scott
    Freeman Scott
    Jul 5
    The Drive-In Was a Hoot

    The Drive-In Was a Hoot

    As the sun went down and the movie flickered on the screen, kids and their parents settled in for a night of entertainment.
    Go to the profile of Mark Trevor
    Mark Trevor
    Jul 5
    Mitch McConnell To Push New “Care Bear” Message Of Republican Party

    Mitch McConnell To Push New “Care Bear” Message Of Republican Party

    Caring is what counts!
    Go to the profile of Speaking Fiction To Power
    Speaking Fiction To Power
    Jul 5
    Smart People Don’t Use Smartphones

    Smart People Don’t Use Smartphones

    They use their heads
    Go to the profile of Philip Ogley
    Philip Ogley
    Jul 5
    So Many to Thank

    So Many to Thank

    Acknowledgements from the author
    Go to the profile of David Martin
    David Martin
    Jul 4
    DATELINE July 4, 2042. FOX TV LIVE BREAKING NEWS!

    DATELINE July 4, 2042. FOX TV LIVE BREAKING NEWS!

    Good evening, I’m Bret Derringer.
    Go to the profile of P T Adams
    P T Adams
    Jul 4
    Kevin Garnett Blasts Kevin Durant For Being A Bitch

    Kevin Garnett Blasts Kevin Durant For Being A Bitch

    Dishonor to the name Kevin
    Go to the profile of Ellie Salvaje
    Ellie Salvaje
    Jul 4
    Would You Pay Not To Pee?

    Would You Pay Not To Pee?

    Healthy and rich New York men are paying up to $20,000 to alleviate the urge.
    Go to the profile of Brian Dickens Barrabee
    Brian Dickens Barrabee
    Jul 4
    Scientists: You’re Living In The Past

    Scientists: You’re Living In The Past

    What you think is the present moment is already old news.
    Go to the profile of Clem Samson
    Clem Samson
    Jul 4
    Ally Sheedy and the Kimchi Pancake Special

    Ally Sheedy and the Kimchi Pancake Special

    A shot at the Parkway Theater
    Go to the profile of Hewlett Patterson Linkwater
    Hewlett Patterson Linkwater
    Jul 4
    The Neighborhood Which Banned “Cancel Sculpture”

    The Neighborhood Which Banned “Cancel Sculpture”

    By letting people put these in their front yards
    Go to the profile of Miss Catherine La Grange, spinster
    Miss Catherine La Grange, spinster
    Jul 4
    Here Are Just a Few of My Viral Posts, According to Popular Opinion

    Here Are Just a Few of My Viral Posts, According to Popular Opinion

    Help me get the word out about my great viral success
    Go to the profile of Katemiya
    Katemiya
    Jul 4
    Laundry Day: The Final Chapter

    Laundry Day: The Final Chapter

    She wasn’t saved, but it was God’s will.
    Go to the profile of Midi O'Rourke
    Midi O'Rourke
    Jul 4
    The Case for The Attack

    The Case for The Attack

    The Seagull.
    Go to the profile of Ian Vince
    Ian Vince
    Jul 4
    6 Things to Watch for in Your Teens

    6 Things to Watch for in Your Teens

    After decades purveying the school parking lot, here’s what I learned
    Go to the profile of Brooke Ramey Nelson
    Brooke Ramey Nelson
    Jul 3
    My Husband Should Be a Candidate for Sainthood

    My Husband Should Be a Candidate for Sainthood

    Could the Pope please show me where I can apply?
    Go to the profile of Carole Olsen
    Carole Olsen
    Jul 3
    37 Ice Cream Size Naming Schemas Cold Stone Creamery Considered Before Settling On “Like It,”…

    37 Ice Cream Size Naming Schemas Cold Stone Creamery Considered Before Settling On “Like It,”…

    Sometimes, You Just Gotta Have It
    Go to the profile of Jonathan Millhauser
    Jonathan Millhauser
    Jul 3
    Trouble Flares Between Giuliani And Lindell As Each Vies To Become Trump’s New Running Mate

    Trouble Flares Between Giuliani And Lindell As Each Vies To Become Trump’s New Running Mate

    A once growing friendship has been torn asunder
    Go to the profile of Speaking Fiction To Power
    Speaking Fiction To Power
    Jul 3
    MAGA Host and Rep. Biggs Claim Biden Using Soy Products to ‘Feminize’ the Military

    MAGA Host and Rep. Biggs Claim Biden Using Soy Products to ‘Feminize’ the Military

    Andy Biggs is yet another example of this country’s ‘electile dysfunction’
    Go to the profile of Johnny Robish
    Johnny Robish
    Jul 3
    10 Steps to Aging Well

    10 Steps to Aging Well

    Generally, getting old stinks, but here are some things to help.
    Go to the profile of Larrylambert
    Larrylambert
    Jul 3
    Keep Your Rosaries Off My Ovaries

    Keep Your Rosaries Off My Ovaries

    And other momentary liftings of spirit in the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day that America seems to be having.
    Go to the profile of Christine Stevens
    Christine Stevens
    Jul 3
    Happy 4th? I Don’t F***in’ Think So

    Happy 4th? I Don’t F***in’ Think So

    There were 150 people killed in 400 shootings over the weekend
    Go to the profile of Terry Trueman
    Terry Trueman
    Jul 3
    Being Self-Employed Means Total Freedom, Right?

    Being Self-Employed Means Total Freedom, Right?

    I can do anything I want, when I want — that’s what I told Gilbert after knocking on his door
    Go to the profile of Don Simkovich, MA
    Don Simkovich, MA
    Jul 2
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