Dear God … Have we completely died to SELF?
Hello Friends, How are you? Is this a question we can now answer or are we still navigating it?
It’s been a minute since we spoke and shared what we felt like God was doing or what He is saying right now.
My last release was two months ago (17th September) titled ‘Seeing Light As One Climbs The Mountain.’
This is more of a check-in and update on what’s been up.
Friends, the Wilderness is not for the weak. It’s not a journey where you cross over the road and the sweet honey flows — Not at all.
One minute you see Light. One minute you are consumed with so much darkness and feel so defeated ALL BY YOURSELF.
The loneliness, the isolation, and watching as everything falls flat right in front of your eyes and as you continually pray to the Lord on what the Actual Fridge* is going on?
He just says ‘Continue to SET YOUR EYES ON ME’…
The wilderness is so wild because it makes what once sounded powerful to sound completely ridiculous. LIKE DEAR GOD… I have been looking and setting my eyes on YOU all this time what do you even mean?
So Friends; Yes I know many of you are going through the most and might feel hopeless because in this wilderness — the heat of the desert often tells us that THERE IS NO PROMISE LAND. Imagine for a hot minute how the children of Israel felt like — in spite of the miracles they have seen God perform — they still went through the most. You may ask what miracles are these and what’s the point of this?
God told Moses to split the sea so that they can cross over — This is seen as IMPOSSIBLE to mankind — but it was a REAL TIME MIRACLE — the ocean split at the sound of the word of God — If you are to study the science of this miracle — you would understand the power of the Spoken word of God but also how God isn’t just a belief but he operates beyond time and space.
To many — this is a congratulatory moment — God put the enemies of the Israelites to shame and humiliated them for all to see yeah — but look what happened after? They spent 40 years in the wilderness — Why would God perform such a historical miracle only to make his children suffer? It’s giving delulu as the social media streets would say.
One may say the latter overshadows the former — which is the Big miracle. The children of Israel would have never left Eygpt had they not seen the hand of God before the wilderness season. If you look closely at their behavior before the splitting of the sea, you would know.
The point of my sharing this miracle and how it occurred is to show you how the hope was presented before they embarked on the journey and how the change then took place.
In our lives, we have so many God stories of how He has been good to us, many testimonies, and many words and visions we have received from Him about our lives, future, etc. Yet, at some point in the wilderness all that becomes distant memories. It gets to a point where we need to choose Him not because of the things he has done for us in the past or things He has said to us in the past but choose Him for who He is.
Choose Him over anything or anyone.
This requires ‘Dying to Self’ — friends, I for one have been actively conscious of this truth yet I have a completely different understanding of it now and this isn’t because I have gotten a new revelation or watched a teaching on it, etc LAUGH OUT LOUD. This is because these past months — it happened on its own.
So in my deluluness — I have been actively helping God with this wilderness journey etc and I wasn’t really wrong but misinformed as we grow up with the saying ‘God helps those who help themselves’ which is unscriptural but also, we live in a world where letting Go and letting God do his thing isn’t an easy concept — those who know me, know how involved I love to get.
Are there PROS in trying to help God?
I can tell you for free that NO — there are no PROs to helping God — we need Him — how can we help him when by our own nature we have fallen short of the Glory?
Are there CONS in trying to help God?
YES — there are many but let me share one — EXHAUSTION — you will tire and will collapse.
You might ask then What must I do?
‘Just set your eyes on him friends and sit at His feet and trust HIM.’
In the past two months, I finally broke and gave in — I had no strength left, I had no strength to pray, hope or even stand tall. I wanted every day to come to an end, the mornings to never come.
All I had strength for was to just worship him in silence — no words to utter, no strength to stomach teachings, hear prophetic messages, etc.
It was as deep as ‘If something good happens Praise God! If something bad happens Praise God! …. I was done with seeing the light, I was done with expecting a new season … I was tired of hope, I was tired of believing, I was tired of the silence from Him, I was tired of believing He was doing something for my good behind the scenes.
But I GOT IT — one night I realized how all was lost and literally nothing was left but Him. This was after I took a two weeks break from being a ‘Christian because I was just tired,
I was so EMPTY of myself and had nothing else to lose but to choose Him.
I BEHELD THE GLORY.
He said to me randomly … ‘You are in the Job season; respond like Job!’
I wasn’t impressed but remember I had nothing to lose and also I had nowhere else to go or get excited about. I realized that I would be in this season until He sees fit for the new season and I had to humble myself to His Process.
A friend of mine sent me a video of one of the voices in the body on this season we are currently in and it was exactly what the Lord wanted me to hear in this hour. Let me share it with you.
It was the title that got my attention. God: “Stop worrying. I isolated you because I want you to rest and to rebuild the temple”
Friends, let me update you a bit on what I have been up to since then.
A couple of months back — I did an interview with an industry friend Thebe Montse on his podcast on Life Recap — SURVIVING Cancer, Narcissistic Abuse, and Finding Hope
It was a great chat between us and I really enjoyed doing it — those who know me are aware that I don’t do many interviews or bring people Into my life like that — especially in a setting where I can’t fully control how the narrative is distributed.
Have a WATCH and ENJOY.
This week is a big week friends — I AM GRADUATING!!!!! TOMORROW
You can finally call me KGOTSO NIGEL HOPE — PUBLIC RELATIONS & COMMUNICATIONS PROFESSIONAL
After doing my career for 10 years; I am excited to put the paper next to my accolades.
Here is the link:
I have a story to share on this journey that is a testimony and journey of recovery — In the past 2 years since leaving the cult; I have changed in everything but one of the physical changes was dress fit — I haven’t worn suits or being super formal as it was a trigger or a reflection of my old self that has died.
All the suits I had, I have either given them away or haven’t laid my eyes on them since.
All the events that I have had the honor of working in that required formal wear — I have played around with semi-formal etc but during my concept planning for my graduation — I had in my spirit that you can now rock FORMAL again — you are a new entire person — you are about to enter a new season of your life, career, etc — don’t dress for where you are but for you are going — Think CORPORATE
I can’t wait to bring you along to my experience of stepping into the NEW. Hope you follow me on socials.
I am excited about the new chapter as I move out of my first apartment and step into a whole season.
Friends, I want to share a message with you.
We are being prepared for destiny; the hardship of this time and season is for the solid blueprint of the work and purpose set by Him. We are going to be voices of truth and lead His People to Him.
Hold on, breathe, and Trust Him.
God bless you.
Message from Nate Johnson, I saw on the socials as I was editing:
https://www.instagram.com/p/C0NQVxJsyO0/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
A song to listen to this week: