ALPHA: SELF-MADE WOMEN — — WordPress.com
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I have decided to make a little tribute to the Matriarch of our family. Its better late than never… This is in memory of my Beloved Grandmother.
I always have great respect for self-made people as compared to those who were born with a silver spoon in their mouth. But then again, that’s me.
Personally, I believe that we are more likely to appreciate everything in life if we made good use of the resources that were available to us and worked incredibly hard. This is one principle I have learned from the women in my family, especially, “GRANNY”.
We used to live near a Church and Hospital where my Grandpa was a Medical Technologist. Just outside our home was GRANNY’s small convenient store and eatery, which catered to almost everybody from the Hospital. It was a pretty good business ran by a single hard working woman, my Grandmother. She would be up as early as 4 in the morning to go to the nearest market and buy the fresh ingredients she would need for the day. Her eatery served brewed coffee, soups and all Filipino meals, from breakfast, lunch to afternoon siesta. True, she may not have been the easiest person to deal with, very stubborn at times I should say, but no one’s perfect.
She was born the eldest just like me, among 9 children(2 boys and 7 girls). Among others, She adored music, we would spend time together after lunch napping and listening to good old classics. It was during this time of the day when Granny had shared a few of her golden words of wisdom with me … I would hear stories about her childhood and teen years during the II World War. They lived in the Old house just across the Bacolod Provincial Hospital which was later sold to the Alisbos. She told me about Japanese soldiers coming in the house, burning all the beautiful tapestries and quilts. They would actually hide themselves in Air raid shelters as bombs were being dropped by Japanese aircrafts. Inside was nothing but just a hollow space enough to shelter them, as a child she was already very stubborn then, refusing to eat anything without a descent chair and table. Imagine that, well, I guess she always had that attitude in her.
Yup! That’s my Granny, the Matriarch of the family. The two things I admire about her, resilience and sense of independence. — — I would like to believe this is the legacy She has passed on to us…
The wisdom I learned from my Granny :
The importance of being “the partner” to your spouse besides being just a wife. You are the authority of yourself, loving your husband means standing beside him
not behind him nor ahead of him. A woman does not loose herself into the marriage, always nodding yes to her husband, having no personal discretion of what is right and wrong, blindly taking sides without knowing the TRUTH — –a” puppet”.
Instead, she must re-define herself and become a better version of who she was, as this what boosts your Husband’s morale. This should serve as your assurance as well that you have ended up with a strong man. This is because only “brave men” pursue strong women. — – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FDyt0lAJo8
Making granny proud in my own little way
Fast forward in the late 90’s…early 2000’s.. a great opportunity provided by my kind Father to test and harness my skills, despite the fact, that I never had any experience running a business before. My Father just came from Manila and decided to put up his own water refilling business, after studying Water Technology Systems for some time. I was in College taking up Medical Technology, when He encouraged me to manage the water refilling business in Talisay City. Knowing I already had a background in microbiology, He insisted that I should pursue managing it.
The following year, I met my future Husband who happened to live in the same vicinity. The first time we have seen each other again, since preparatory school.
My father then decided that we should manage the business together…and so we did. Armed with my Granny’s golden words and principles and God’s guidance, I was able to sustain it until I decided to study Nursing…
Anti- Women and the Misogynists
Women have been sexualized and objectified through the years… man-handled and maneuvered in such fashion that they are to support misogynism. Trained to become masochysts and tolerate women abuse. As a result.. some women have become abusers themselves. These are the ones who confuse you by putting on that low-profile mask while behaving like arrogant fools at the same time.. They will appear friendly and speak only of simple things such as, “I only wear shirts .” You know with holding.. less talk, less mistakes because they are hiding their true mean self..
Misogynism is not exclusive to men, in fact there are women who propagate hate against fellow women. Especially against those who help and enlighten other women about toxic associations (co-dependency). As one misogynistic woman said: “ I do not know what sort of crying out for women you are supporting.. or maybe you just want to be known as some woman activist.”
Obviously, upbringing has something to do with how you see people and how you treat them. I’m talking about misogynistic influence on both men and women..
Self-made people swim against the current, as they live out- of- the- box. Independent women are mostly victims of “double standards” — you take care of the kids, stay in the house and support “co-dependency”… Women are not supposed to engage in serious matters such as Science, Medicine, Politics, Human rights etc., etc.. The majority is not pleased with this concept and the result, gender discrimination at large. Public humiliation, smear campaigns and social devaluation are only a few of what an independent woman needs to endure. This is all because a strong and intelligent woman is born more than capable of pulling herself up by her own bootstraps!… as She is already in a position where social climbing is of no relevance, what so ever… and may be considered as direct assault on other peoples’ ego. — — misogynists &Co.
Obviously as a result, independent women’s social value, contributions and personal attainments may not be recognized.
My personal take on being an Independent woman:
I believe I am strong enough to embrace the same philosophy , as what I have learned from my Granny. This is something that has left a permanent mark on my character, only known to those who know me very well and not just mere acquaintances…
The strength of your character reflects the quality of the people you keep and not the quantity. Otherwise, you are nothing but just a “show off”. Your value is not reliant on other people’s opinions and validation. Likes and follows on Social sites are just a bonus.
compliments and subscriptions are deeply appreciated but not necessarily displayed in public to flatter oneself.. social media sites set only in public mode as needed. Your virtual and physical presence should defy norms that have become obsolete. You can walk into a room and be comfortably quiet and still make your presence known. You value your thoughts and words and you do not engage in pointless conversations. At times may choose to snob a mean person who may verbally attack them and act as if no one is talking at all. No interaction means no conversation. Just simply allowing mindless chatters to talk to the air.. let them expose who they really are.Inclined only on asking people relevant questions and thinking hard before speaking. After all, actions and results are louder than fancy words — — You walk before you talk.. refrain from story telling with out showing results first,and let people see as to whether your story matches the actual events or not. Then let them judge..
A strong woman knows and accepts her insecurities and wastes no time in wallowing on them. Instead, She focuses her energy on her strengths and capabilities and She competes with no one. She can cut you with her blunt words and does not hesitate calling out anyone crossing her boundaries. They do not have problems detaching themselves from people who dont share the same values and dont have their best interest. There is a huge difference between Social “friendz” and “real-life friends”. They handle nuisance/uncivilized people in the most silly way..playing along & playing dumb. They will allow you to think you are winning, at least in your own head. They are simply not interested in any competition and anyone who dares to play nasty games will get a dose of their own medicine. Objective and goal-oriented, work is work and it has no connection to their personal life.
Quite unpredictable.. very quiet and behaved but once they speak up, it means there’s a good reason for it and there’s no stopping them. Some may find them weird and annoying, well no one’s perfect and no one will be.
Strong people do not believe in resorting to physical aggression or any cheap demeanor in dealing with people. They will most likely ignore uncivilized behavior because they understand that some people are not mentally equipped to resolve their issues civilly.
Strength is not talking down to yourself , its knowing your worth. Being alpha is not just some random label you give yourself but rather a trait and you must own that. Denying this, is disowning oneself which only predisposes women to social put downs and abuse.
Don’t get me wrong, there is no hierarchy, each type has its own function in the society. So forget about who’s on top of the pyramid.. All types of women exist on the same plane born with different capabilities, whether you have alpha traits or non-alpha traits you are a “WOMAN’’ and you contribute. I’m just saying that we need to embrace who we are and never doubt ourselves.
Salute to all UNAPOLOGETICALLY strong women!
MUST WATCH: BONUS!
This video is quite helpful and fun way of understanding how women interact with each other. However, we must take note that there are three types of women… The non- alpha who are loyal, comfortable in their own skin and excellently skilled people..Alpha women, mentally healthy/just simply being themselves (low-profile who still exude strong social influence who has a silent natural potential to lead the group “pied-piper effect” and mostly over-looked)..and toxic/alpha wannabes (attention-seekers who act loud and tough and want to be “the leader”mostly overrated).
I do not own the Pictures and videos..please see youtube and google images
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Mae Jacolo Aguilar”apple” THE MULTI- TOPIC BLOG- writes about personal interests& passion.specializing on HUMAN BEHAVIOR. elicits toxic reaction by annoyance.certified weirdo& a nurse
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Originally published at https://www.quora.com on March 8, 2019.
