How the Science of Dopamine Can Help You to Regulate Your Emotions
Lessons Learned from Pursuing Goals, Publicly
In my prior posts, I described these parts of the VICTUS Method and described how we can utilize them to achieve our Goals:
#1 Synergy
#2 Emotional Regulation: Secure Attachment to our Self
#3 Identity: Scientist + Lifelong Learner
These are like spheres intersecting on a Venn diagram.
When we adopt the identity of being a Scientist (#3), we test what works (or not) for ourselves, and we look for how we can apply what works to multiple areas of our life, to be successful (#1 Synergy).
When we adopt the identity of a Lifelong Learner (#3), we grant ourselves the time to grow and pursue goals at our own pace, in a way that honors our feelings (#2 Emotional Regulation: Secure Attachment to our Self).
Combined, we can achieve our goals and feel good while doing it, despite any discomfort we might feel when doing new, unfamiliar, and sometimes scary things.
Like my recent experience publishing my very 1st Music post.
Here’s 3 lessons I learned:
Lesson BEFORE: The anticipation was scarier than doing it.
Since I promised myself to prioritize the Creative side of me, I knew I was going to begin recording myself in audio and video format. But, I felt uneasy. So, I decided to take it in stages, just one step at a time. I started with just singing.
Before I started the recording process, I was nervous.
Not about the song itself. I picked great lyrics to sing, based on the message I wanted to convey.
But, I was worried:
I didn’t know how to record it.
I didn’t have the equipment.
I had no idea how to use the recording software.
And zero knowledge about the “mixing” or “mastering” process. (Confession: I thought they were both the same. Wrong!)
Performance anxiety was the least of my worries.
I felt lost.
Lesson DURING: I loved learning and applying new knowledge.
Once I got started, though, I loved learning about the music production process.
I spent a long time studying some great YouTubers who shared their extensive knowledge online.
And, it was so much fun to apply the knowledge to my work.
I felt energized.
Learning about technology I had never explored before.
Listening to differences in tone and frequency I had never considered.
Understanding music production terms and concepts I had not previously studied.
Ultimately, the anticipation of doing it was a lot scarier than the actual act of doing it.
It was the seeking & the doing that brought me joy.
And when I hit PUBLISH, I was surprised:
I wasn’t afraid.
The fear that I’d felt before — in anticipation of doing it — had vanished.
Lesson AFTER: Dopamine peaks and falls, and that’s perfectly normal.
When I finally hit PUBLISH, I was happy I’d kept my promise. To the Creative in me.
I rewarded myself with an incredibly fun weekend with my family.
And I enjoyed positive feedback from readers/listeners that’s encouraged me to keep going.
Which brings me to the 4th circle in the VICTUS Method Venn diagram:
#4 Life’s like University: Learn, Revisit, Discover Something New
When you go to college, you plan your syllabus.
You see all the courses you could possibly take.
You’re thinking about credits and how you’re going to graduate with a degree.
But learning never stops.
In my case, after college, I went to law school. Passed the bar exam. Practiced law.
But, there’s still so much I want to learn.
victus means “living, way of life.”
That’s why I named this practice the VICTUS Method: because I’m choosing to live like I’m the student and life’s the school that never ends.
So, let’s curate the curriculum of our lives.
Let’s choose the people, principles, and knowledge that benefits us, and apply what we learn to improve our lives.
Especially when we’re suffering.
You see, after I published my singing audio and accompanying story on Medium and Substack, I noticed something I’ve experienced many times before:
After the joy of doing it,
After the fun of publishing and interacting with readers/listeners,
After the fun family weekend,
I felt what I can only describe as…blah. More than blah.
At first, I boiled it down to the hum-drum of a Monday morning.
But then, the Inner Critic in me began to catastrophize a bit.
I wondered, “Am I suffering from ‘capital D’ Depression? Shouldn’t I be on Cloud 9 right now? After all, I had fun learning and doing it. I did keep that promise to myself.”
And I still intended to launch my YouTube Channel next.
The Plan hadn’t changed. So why did it feel like I had?
I ❤️ Science.
I’m so passionate about the science of self-improvement because I don’t just want to find a life hack that works for x, y, z.
It goes beyond that.
I want to understand the mechanisms for why a particular method works, based on our biology and/or psychology.
I find it fascinating and inspiring, and it motivates me to continue applying what’s worked.
Scientific Knowledge Helps with Self-Regulation.
So instead of thinking something was simply “wrong” with me, I decided to revisit the science of dopamine and stumbled upon something new.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter and hormone that helps to regulate many functions in our bodies and brains, and it plays a major role in our desire to seek reward.
I was familiar with dopamine already, but one of the things I’ve learned from my synergy practice is, you should revisit the same concepts multiple times, from multiple sources.
Because sometimes the way it’s explained highlights something you’ve never learned before.
Or, it’s explained in such a way that you gain some new insight.
Dr. Andrew Huberman did that for me.
Dr. Huberman’s a Neuroscientist and Associate Professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford University.
His insights changed everything:
(1) When an animal’s foraging for food or water and gets a whiff of it in the distance, that is when dopamine is released (upon seeking); not when the animal finally obtains the food or water (upon reward).
(2) People tend to celebrate when they finally achieve a goal, but that can lead to a bigger let down. It’s more beneficial to attach the reward to the seeking process by celebrating incremental gains (like each 1% improvement), rather than the Goal’s ultimate achievement.
(3) Why? Because it’s normal to feel “post-achievement depression,” a sort of “success hangover,” after we’ve experienced the dopamine surge. Dopamine rises and falls, and that’s normal.
Eureka!
I absolutely love when I discover a practice that works for me, and then I find that it actually makes sense scientifically, based on our physiology and/or psychology.
After listening to Dr. Huberman, it all made sense.
(1) explained why I enjoyed the seeking process so much. The most enjoyable part was when I was learning new skills and applying them. Even more than hitting publish.
(2) tells me how I can apply this knowledge moving forward. I plan to break down my goals into smaller achievable steps that I can deliberately savor and celebrate when I achieve 1% gains with each step. Doing that transforms it into a dopamine cycle that never ends.
(3) tells me I don’t have to make myself wrong for feeling the let-down that followed. Indeed, as Dr. Huberman explains, that dip in emotion spurs humans to take new action toward a new goal. In other words, it can be considered a good sign that we’re about to embark on another seeking journey.
Knowing that is the key to self-regulating.
I’m going to use it to maintain a Secure Attachment to myself.
I just have to remind myself:
• The down I felt was perfectly natural.
• I don’t have to worry that I’m depressed.
• I don’t have to feel depressed about feeling depressed.
• Because it’s not depression.
• It’s me, revving up to go seeking.
The Seeker in me honors and respects the Seeker in each of you,
Marisa
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Are you a Seeker?
What are you seeking?
Is it something new and, perhaps, a little scary to do?
What emotions does it bring up for you?
How do you cope?
✿
If you enjoyed this story, and you’d love to learn more about the science of self-improvement, sign up for my free Substack Newsletter.
Together, we’ll explore all the ways that we can 10x our life — mind, body, & soul.
We’ll learn the scientific, physiological, and psychological reasons why we are the way that we are, and combine that understanding with simple, active practices that will:
• Enliven our emotions & creativity;
• Enhance our efficiency & productivity;
• Foster a greater depth of Self;
• Build the Secure Attachment that we need to develop a Growth Mindset; and,
• Reprogram our minds to pivot from the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Parasympathetic Nervous System when we need it to, more often than not.
I’ve planned so many exciting & fun things to share, and I can’t wait for you to get all the FREE goodies I’ve prepared for you.
We CAN do this, TOGETHER!
Marisa
