Ranking All The Star Trek: The Next Generation Episodes (Part 4)

This is the fourth part in a continuing series; the first three parts can be found here (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7 and the Picard tea pot piece).

The series starts to come into its own in these episodes. There’s nothing truly great in these next 25 episodes, but for the most part, they’re watchable, interesting, and more illustrative of what’s fun about Trek.

(CW): As with the previous three parts, this post discusses homophobia, racism, sexism, sexual assault, and rape.

93. Suddenly Human (TNG 404)

The Enterprise rescues an injured Talarian crew, made up of youths and one human, boy named Jono. The crew debate returning the boy to his human family or his adoptive one.

Basically this episode is “what if Picard suddenly had a teenage son?” and that provides some amusing moments. I absolutely love awkward, uncomfortable Picard and he’s on full display in this episode. He goes to visit Jono in his guest quarters, pulls a chair over to the bed and sits crossed-legged and asks Jono if his quarters are ok, or if he would like some art. Oh JLP. The boy then says he’s always stayed with his captain. So Picard takes him to his quarters and is all like “as you can see, there’s nothing that would interest a young person here” and is quick to rearrange everything Jono puts out of order. Picard is not the sort of guy who can step on a Lego brick and shrug it off. He shuts off the boy’s loud, top 40 Telarian music and gets upset the kid set up a metallic hammock in his living room (buy metallic fabric stocks now, kids, they’ll be worth a fortune in the future).

Anyway, JLP starts to get the hang of it. He takes the kid to go play racquetball and comforts him when Jono breaks down with memories of his human parents’ death.

I do like Endar, the boy’s adoptive father, he has different values, sure, but he’s generally pretty good natured and really loves Jono and Picard eventually comes around to this. Ultimately, I like that Picard admits they were wrong to try and keep the boy and that he acknowledges he belongs with his adoptive father.

What does Jono have in common with a Nausicaan? He also stabbed JLP in the heart (actually Jono hits Picard in the sternum)!

But seriously, can we stop meeting strict, patriarchal societies in space? That’s played out in real-life, but also in the Star Trek universe.

92. The Hunted (TNG 311)

Angosia III wants to join the Federation, but when one of their super programmed soldiers escapes a lunar penal colony and leads the Enterprise on a chase, its membership bid is threatened.

Prime Minister Nayrok (the first of James Cromwell’s many appearances on Trek) models the finest in Angosian formal wear in this one and it’s a light grey coverall…suit? With an exaggerated blue turtleneck? It’s all the rage with the political class on the planet. I’m not sure a dude who is over 2 meters tall is the best model for this look. This feels like a 24th century version of the Canadian Tuxedo. Whatever, they were probably petitioning to join the Federation to gain access to the runways of New Berlin or ShiKahr.

Anyway, back to the super soldier Roga Danar. He’s pretty strong. He rumbles with a couple security stooges in the transporter room (and O’Brien too). O’Brien sees Danar make quick work of the two muscle dudes and decides to just jump in rather than just stun him with his phaser. Oh well.

Danar has a few thoughtful conversations with Troi that illustrates he’s actually a pretty docile person and doesn’t go all super soldier unless threatened. It also shows that more than docile, he’s quite a sensitive person. That’s fine and it works reasonable well in this episode, but I really hate the plot device of making Troi humanize or otherwise reveal the emotions and sensitivities of various dudes (this happens with Worf a lot, and Riker and Picard to a lesser degree). Troi does a lot of emotional labour to serve the plot of male characters and it’s just sort of boring after a while. She deserves more plus it’s the 24th century and these dudes really shouldn’t see emotional openness as weakness.

The main plot of this episode, that the Angosians have treated their veterans terribly, isn’t a new one but I do like the variations this theme is given here. These soldiers have been programmed by their government in ways that have seriously hampered their emotional state. Essentially, the episode raises questions about how the act of training people to kill, and not just deployment itself, has severe repercussions.

91. Frame of Mind (TNG 621)

Riker questions his sanity as he shifts between a mental hospital and play rehearsals. I’m not kidding.

So, I never liked this episode, at all. I always found it to be silly but at the same time, incredibly irritating? Plus the guards fucking with Riker when he’s in the hospital are the worst. For years, the only thing I’ve enjoyed about this episode was the opportunity it gives Riker to make all sorts of ridiculous and exaggerated faces. Also, Riker in blue, again.

But once you realize the play Riker and co. are rehearsing is a Bev Crusher Original Creation this episode gets so many more layers and is kind of awesome. Bev writes and directs this play and gets the Bev Crusher Players to perform. While Bev has directed before, we haven’t seen much of her writing chops. Until now. Bev writes a play about a man who has been (possibly) falsely accused of murder and is now struggling with his sanity in a mental hospital where the doctors abuse the patients. Yeah, she went there. This is some really dark shit for someone in Crusher’s position and the sort of dark subject matter you don’t expect from a member of the Enterprise crew. Like, how does this play not plant a seed of doubt about her care in the minds of the other 1013 people on the Enterprise? Or at least the people who bothered to see the play (support the arts kids, if only so you’ll learn if your health care practitioner is a sadist). Plus, it really fucks Riker up. I know there were other factors involved in that, but like dude wants to smash up the set all on his own immediately after the run finishes. Number One has some issues to work out. Turns out the play’s the thing in which to catch the conscience of the Chief Medical Officer.

Thanks, Bev.

90. The Most Toys (TNG 323)

Kivas Fajo, a trader who sells the Enterprise hytritium, fakes Data’s death so he can add Data to his collection of impossibly rare and valuable stuff.

This is another “does Data have rights?” episode (spoiler: he very much does) and it’s ok, but not nearly as good as other attempts at this subject matter over the course of the series. Watching Fajo and Data debate the merits of the android’s autonomy is good and both actors bring their A game. It’s also interesting watching this episode in light of the mainstreaming of nerd culture, as Fajo is a type rich nerd collector in the extreme and you know, a terrible person.

I think Saul Rubinek (the actor who plays Fajo) does a pretty good job with the role. However, there’s some pretty nasty effeminate gay man/gay villain stereotype stuff going on in this episode that are pretty shitty looking back on it. He’s a stereotype; he wears bright clothing, a sash, lots of jewelry, and gestures a lot. The folks at Fashion It So have pointed out Fajo’s limp wrist. Given Fajo’s interest in seeing Data walk around naked, his attraction to the android is sexual as well. And that sexual interest also plays into gay villain stereotypes. New Trek needs to do better than this.

89. The First Duty (TNG 519)

An Academy training exercise leaves one cadet dead and the Starfleet careers of four others in the balance. Wesley must choose between sticking with the lie his Nova squadron has told or his duty to the truth.

This is a “Law & Order” episode so that is good, but it is also a Wesley Crusher episode and as such, it’s not my favourite. Because it takes place at the Academy, it leads to extended Boothby time and while some people love him, I don’t really (but I love every glimpse we get of Starfleet Academy). Plus the Vulcan captain Satelk from the inquiry gets stuck in my head for days after watching this episode. Aside: why do the dorm rooms at Starfleet Academy have doorknobs? Why aren’t they on automatic sensors like every other door?

But JLP often brings his best when he’s paired with Wesley so there’s that. His “first duty” speech is superb. I also love learning about stuff like illegal futuristic piloting moves such as the Kolvoord Starburst or the wonderfully named Yeager Loop.

Never forget: baby Robert Duncan McNeill and Calgary shoutout.

88. Legacy (TNG 406)

The Enterprise attempts to rescue some folks from Turkana IV, Tasha Yar’s homeworld, and requires the help of Tasha’s sister, Ishara, to complete the mission (spoiler, she double crosses them!)

There’s some fashion going on in this episode and most of it is brown. I find it interesting that in the fashion world, “unisex” and “genderless” generally default to masculine stereotypes. This episode is sort of like that in that Ishara and co. have masculine-military-leather jackets to prove what a rough and tumble planet it really is, but the necklines and waistlines aren’t very masculine. Regardless, it was an interesting style choice to apply to Ishara and her merry men.

I’ve always felt Ishara looked like Catriona Le May Doan, especially when she wears a skin tight speedskating suit while on the bridge working with Data.

Anyway, most of this episode is about how much everyone misses Tasha (valid) and how much Ishara is not Tasha (predictable as she is a different human entirely.)

87. Half A Life (TNG 422)

Lwaxana Troi falls in love with Charles Winchester III/Cogsworth/Dr. Timicin, a noted scientist who is turning 60 and therefore must die in ritualistic fashion according to the customs of his planet.

I don’t love this episode but it’s fine. The B Plot (Timicin is on board to conduct an experiment in an attempt to save his planet) is not particularly noteworthy but provides some situational irony for the main plot. More recently, I’ve begun to appreciate the performance Majel Barrett gives in this episode. Confronting this sort of story (an intimate partner dying) while her own husband was in failing health makes this really gritty and believable and touching.

I think this might be Lwaxana Troi’s finest episode too. I like that she falls quickly and deeply in love with Timicin, who is somewhat of her opposite. We never see women in their late-50s with this kind of story. I like that she is open with Deanna about how much it hurts that Timicin is going to go through with the ceremony (the Freeedom 55 Retirement Death Ceremony) and that she allows herself to be comforted by her daughter. And finally, I absolutely love that Lwaxana puts aside her pain to be with Timicin and his family at the end. I think there’s a perception Mrs. Troi is flakey, but she’s not. The elder Troi is a woman of strong and unflinching convictions which she doesn’t compromise here. However, she does ultimately come to support Timicin even though she disagrees with his traditions as well. TV audiences don’t get to see that kind of nuance a lot.

86. Journey’s End (TNG 720)

While on a visit from the Academy, Wes protests the forced removal of Native American colonists from Dorvan V because of a new treaty ceding the planet to the Cardassians.

Ugh. This episode could also be described as “most privileged dude in the galaxy grows a social conscious while spring breaking on the DMZ’s hot spot planet of the week”. Look, is Wes taking the right stand? Absolutely. The Federation selling out its colonists along the Cardassian border is bullshit, especially colonists that have a history of violent, forced relocation. But like, I don’t for a second believe it’s for the right reasons. Wes comes on board with a Bad Attitude because Starfleet Academy Is The Worst. I’ve said it somewhere in this series before that it’s great Wes realizes Starfleet isn’t for him. It’s not for everyone and it’s kind of annoying that it’s just sort of assumed everyone wants to join up. I like that he ultimately chooses something different. But I’m just not really convinced he gets why Picard’s orders are wrong. It really feels like he’s spoiling for a fight, any fight, and this one will do. He uses the oppression of this particular group of Native Americans as a way to drop out of school because he couldn’t quite come up with the words on his own. That’s shitty.

This episode isn’t the worst in terms of Trek’s depictions of Indigenous peoples. I like that this episode illustrates Indigenous presence in the future. That is a good thing. But it introduces Indigenous peoples (more fully realized on Voyager with Chakotay) in a way that feels very 90s looking back on it and just not acceptable. Indigenous folks on Star Trek are always generically Native American and never tribe, band, or nation specific. Specific cultural and spiritual practices are presented as general and widespread Indigenous beliefs. This really is a problem on Voyager but it’s definitely part of this episode. The Traveler, disguised as Lakanta, a Native American spiritual leader (played by Tom Jackson) leads Wes on a vision quest. Which, what? It’s seems inappropriate to use such cultural practices to help troubled Wes. For his part, Wes isn’t exactly respectful of the ceremony. On top of this, Lakanta isn’t actually Native American, he’s the Traveler, using another culture’s traditions on a whim. It’s bad.

In addition, much of the focus is on Picard’s white colonial guilt over his ancestor’s (Javier Maribona Picard) participation in an earlier forced relocation (the Pueblo Revolt). In some ways, the struggle of the Native Americans (most are referred to as “Native American colonist” in the credits) in this episode serves as a vehicle to illustrate Picard’s opposition to Federation policy (yo, he still tries to carry out those orders tho). Picard gets to play white saviour by helping to broker a compromise between the Federation, the colonists, and the Cardassians and colony Elder Anthwara absolves Picard/his family/European colonizers/white people of centuries of oppression and murder. Right.

On a lighter note, this is hands down the best TNG vest episode. It’s very 90s.

Also, we gets some Gul Evek time. Here’s the thing, most of the Cardassians we met are militarist, sadistic, violent, terrible, and wonderfully charming and polite. I really love them. They’re wonderful villains and incredibly complex when given even a little depth. Evek gets some depth here and it’s good. Despite egging the situation on by arriving early to survey buildings and possible equipment to be left behind (WTF Evek? This seems like a probable violation of treaty terms, but he probably figures the Federation will let him get away with it) but he does agree to the compromise Picard suggests because he lost two of his three sons during the war with the Federation and doesn’t want to risk the third in another conflict. War-weary Cardassians make the best Cardassians.

Anyway, favourite Cardassian Guls in order:

1. Gul Dukat (obviously)

2. Gul Madred (how many lights are there?)

3. Gul Evek (he shows up a handful of times on TNG and DS9 and is smug but is capable of growth)

85. Symbiosis (TNG 122)

Picard faces a dilemma: uphold the Prime Directive or intervene and save a planet from exploitation.

This isn’t the best episode or anything, but it was certainly relevant during the AIDS crisis of the 1980s (a planet with a crippling illness struggling to survive). Spoiler alert: the disease was cured ages ago and now the Ornarans are just addicted to the cure. The Brekkians are incredibly despicable, basically the planetary version of big pharma. Picard sticks it to them in the end by following the Prime Directive and it’s nice when the Prime Directive messes with the right people for a change instead of dooming perfectly innocent and helpless folks.

84. Future Imperfect (TNG 408)

Riker wakes up in sickbay, but it’s 16 years in the future; he’s captain of the Enterprise, and he’s about to negotiate a treaty with the Romulans. Oh and he’s got amnesia and a pre-teen named Jean-Luc because of course. (Spoiler: it’s a hoax).

This isn’t a great episode, but Riker gets to yell a lot and tell people to shut up and that’s fun. Plus we get to see how Riker would act as a dad and for someone who just finds out he has not only a kid, but a 12-year-old son and is a single parent (the amnesia made him forget Riker Jr.), he handles it…really well? Especially since Dr. Crusher doesn’t say “btw you’ve got this kid” and just leaves him to find out on his own when he goes to his quarters (that’s fucking traumatic for both Rikers, Bev. Fortunately, it’s not the real Bev being this cold). Elder Riker is immediately warm, affectionate, and concerned about his kid, and is super paternal? Good stuff.

I like that Jean-Luc Riker (hahahahaha) loves hanging with his dad (who wouldn’t?) and also plays trombone and Parrises Squares (just like his dad!), forcing Elder Riker to admit he started playing at the same age. It’s one of those nice “now I see why this was so worrying for my parents when I was a kid!” moments people have (except Riker’s mom died when he was 2 and his dad was a jerk who abandoned him as a teen, so maybe not?) Anyway, JLR wears the same Parrises Squares uniform/equipment we see Tasha and Worf wear in season one and I like that bit on continuity.

Other stuff I like in this episode? It opens with Riker’s birthday party and this seems like it would be the social event of the season on the Enterprise. Like, Riker is a Fun Dude, likes Ten Forward, likes parties, likes surprises. He plays the trombone because yes, absolutely, Riker is the type of dude to play the trombone solo at his party (there’s lots of Riker trombone in this episode and it’s great!). I have so many thoughts on Riker’s band but I’m saving those for “Second Chances”. But really, everyone just seems like they’re having a great time at this party and I kinda want to attend (mostly because I love Ten Forward soo much).

The alien at the end is just some of the worst makeup/costuming of the entire series. It looks like something you’d find in a low budget movie about Roswell. Casting the alien from Spice World would have been better (“is that three or four K’s?”)

83. Hero Worship (TNG 511)

A ship is mysteriously destroyed and the only survivor, a boy named Timothy, decides to become an android like Data while the Enterprise crew work diligently to avoid suffering the same fate.

There’s some thematic repetition here (see season three’s “The Bonding”) but there are some nice scenes between Data and Timothy, and some interesting discussion between Troi and Data, who don’t share a lot of screen time usually.

Basically what Timothy pulls off is some early Data cosplay and I can respect that.

82. Eye of the Beholder (TNG 718)

Troi investigates a suicide on board but the investigation leads her to a mystery from eight years earlier when the ship was being built.

Psychic trauma suicide. Poor Troi. Yeah, this one is ranked too high. Oops.

81. A Fistful of Datas (TNG 608)

Worf, Alexander, and Troi are stuck in a western program in the holodeck and most of the other characters in the program resemble Data and have his physical abilities.

This is a “when future tech goes wrong” episode and once again the holodeck is the culprit. Seriously, why do they still use that thing, it consistently has so many dangerous issues. I’m thinking they keep going back for more because it can be used for sex. Fair enough.

There are some funny lines in this episode and if you’re into watching Brent Spiner play multiple characters in one episode, this one’s for you.

Thing that bugs me about this episode? They’re running a program set in the mid-to-late 19th century and they call it the “Ancient West”. Which, why? For starters, it’s not ancient? Like we haven’t renamed the Renaissance the “Ancient Renaissance” simply because our distance from that period keeps growing. We currently have definitions for what counts as antiquity and 500 years doesn’t cut it.

80. Preemptive Strike (TNG 724)

Newly promoted Ro Laren is back on the ship for the sake of giving her character a send-off. Fresh off advanced tactical training, she’s sent to infiltrate a Maquis cell with predictable results (a Bajoran who grew up in refugee camps, never fit in Starfleet, and now has advanced training? She is obviously going to join the cause).

Here’s the thing: I love Ro an unholy amount. She’s an awesome character. I’m not really disappointed by the course this episode takes, because well, a lot of it makes sense given Ro’s politics and temperament. What I don’t like about this episode is that it’s the last we see of her. Part of me wishes Ro was part of Chakotay’s Random Collection of Maquis Vest-Wearing Crew but this is what we get. Sigh.

I do like the parallels between Ro disappointing her father figure Picard while simultaneously growing in affection for her new Maquis father figure, Macias.

Also Riker wears lots of brown in this episode, but that’s ok because it’s his Bajoran disguise (they love earth tones). Now I want to eat some hasperat.

79. Cost of Living (TNG 520)

Lwaxana Troi pays the Enterprise a visit in advance of her wedding to Minister Campio from Kostolain; at the same time she befriends Worf’s son Alexander and the ship experiences a series of progressively more debilitating system failures.

This is not one of my favourites at all, but it’s grown on me a little over the past few years. This is Majel Barrett’s first episode after the death of her husband Gene Roddenberry which make the scenes where Mama Troi discusses her loneliness extra sad. Lwaxana is someone I’ve come to like more the older I got and with the exception of pressuring her daughter to marry and have a family, there’s lots to like. This episode is a good example of the things I like about her: elaborate and colourful wardrobe changes, 50+ woman getting to demonstrate her sexuality, wigs of all different colours, and casual dismissal of the stuffiness of Starfleet decorum. This episode ends with Lwaxana happily and comfortably walking naked down the aisle for her soon to be cancelled wedding in a moment where she comes to terms with her loneliness and reasserts her individuality. Awesome.

78. Firstborn (TNG 721)

A family “friend,” K’mtar (spoiler: K’mtar is actually grown-up Alexander, back from the future and played by an actor who played a Romulan earlier in the series), shows up and tries to push Alexander into being a warrior.

Yo, Worf doesn’t know who this dude is and doesn’t do a background check on him (which seems like something he would do both as security chief and as a dad) and just takes his word that Kurn sent K’mtar to hang with Worf and Alexander. Worf lets him train his son, visit him in his room etc. I’m not saying it’s inappropriate in Klingon households for family friends to interact with children this way, I’m just saying it’s super out of character for Worf to not even call his brother and be like, “K’mtar yes/yes?”

Anyway, JLP shows his willingness to support Worf’s cultural practices yet again, this time by diverting the Enterprise to the Klingon outpost on Maranga IV (Four again!) because they’ll be celebrating Kot’baval. I know the Enterprise is between missions in this one, and Picard gives Worf some line about Stellar Dynamics getting a better view of the nebula blah blah blah and it’s not that Worf’s cultural/religious heritage shouldn’t be accommodated. It should. Same goes for other members of the crew who should also have their cultural/religious beliefs accepted, included, and accommodated while serving. I’m just saying, Picard gives up on a Hatarian archeology dig to go to this outpost. Leadership.

We also get some Duras sisters in this episode and I just love them. I think they’re great. They’re not the brightest minds in the galaxy, but I love watching them scheme. Plus, we learn Lursa is pregnant, congrats! (extra sad: I think most Trek fans forget that Lursa is pregnant when their Bird of Prey is destroyed in Generations).

I know the Klingon forehead is a bit of a thing in the Star Trek universe and Klingons don’t like to talk about it, but like we need to have a discussion here. Not about how they had no ridges and then suddenly had them, but about how FAMILIAL LINES CAN BE TRACED THROUGH RIDGE PATTERNS. How, how, how have Klingons not noticed this? I mean, Worf is particularly obtuse about this on multiple occasions. Kurn shows up and Worf’s immediate response is not, “damn, Michael Westmore probably used the same fucking forehead mould for your ridges!” but is instead, “this dude is probably here because Klingons are known to be intellectually curious about other species and love to learn through informational exchange rather than conquest”. When toddler Alexander shows up with K’ehleyr in season four, Worf says “must I ask if I’m his father?” and showing restraint, K’ehleyr doesn’t reply with “no, just look at his forehead, it’s clear he’s our kid”. K’eh. Then in this episode, K’mtar randomly appears and Worf isn’t like “wait, are we cousins? Siblings? Long-lost relatives of some kind?” for some reason.

My sister and I really enjoy actors who make the most of their limited screen time. You’ve seen them before, the guest star with two minutes of screen time who is nonetheless memorable or the actor in the background who manages to get noticed despite the focus not being on them. Anyway, this episode has someone who makes the most of their limited screen time and it’s Eric Burton (played by Rickey D’Shon Collins). Eric’s one of the Enterprise kids and in this episode, he hits Worf in the chest with a water balloon (made out of a fullerene) exclaiming “I didn’t mean to hit you!” He also twice shares screen time with Troi, while trying to make a bird sculpture and in his first appearance he’s literally being given candy from a stranger (an alien ambassador). Way to be, Eric.

77. The Game (TNG 506)

Riker’s sex vacation to Risa almost leads to the ship being taken over when he brings back an addictive and pleasurable mind control game that quickly spreads through the ship.

This also happens to be a Wesley Crusher episode, but it’s not one I mind. Wesley, who’s visiting from the Academy, manages to save the ship and crew from pleasurable annihilation with the help of a very young Ashley Judd, aka Ensign Robin Lefler, who talks a lot about her personal rules for living and Wesley’s birthmark (girl, why don’t you have a rule for not making out with Wesley Crusher?). I didn’t like this episode as a kid, but I kind of love it now? It’s a bit off-putting to see the entire crew’s orgasm face (somehow Nurse Ogawa’s is the most startling for me, but that’s mostly because I don’t expect to see her in a turbolift). But I find the plot of “Riker goes on a Risa sex vacation, sexy times and potential destruction ensue” to be one of the most believable plots of the entire series. Riker has a lot of sex in season five; good for him and good for his many partners.

But seriously, would Riker really go to Risa all the time? Like, this is the first time we see him on the famous pleasure planet, but he recommends it as a vacation spot to Picard in season 3 and it comes up from time to time that Risa is where he goes when he gets a few days off. Can we talk about how it’s a total frat boy move to display a horga’hn in your quarters, Riker? It’s not that I think Riker wouldn’t keep going to a sex planet for vacation, but given the popularity of sex now and of the holodecks in the 24th century, how is there only one climate controlled sex planet in the Federation? It seems more likely Riker would do a sex-planet crawl, as he states on more than one occasion that he likes to try new things/do things that have never been done before. So why wouldn’t he go to the pleasure planet were you can gamble and get it on? Or the sex planet where you and your Parrises squares’ teammates can compete in tournaments and have orgies with your opponents? Riker’s from Alaska, do you really think he wouldn’t ice fish and chill? These things seem like the kind of recreational activities that would appeal to Riker, but alas, he goes to Risa. Maybe he just has one of those loyalty cards and really wants to get that Telarian mango smoothie for free while drinking it at a patio restaurant that, one can only assume, also serves as the set for the 24th century remake of the Golden Girls. Even those seeking jamaharan like free stuff.

76. Night Terrors (TNG 417)

The Enterprise crew is adrift and unable to dream, except Troi who has nightmares because they are trapped in a Tyken’s Rift (spoiler: it’s the telepathic aliens trapped in the Rift whose telepathy is preventing the Enterprise crew from sleeping, not the Rift!).

I enjoy this episode. It’s silly and not “good” but that’s ok. I’ve also found the scene where Bev hallucinates in the cargo bay/morgue to be super creepy, but like in a “scare a little kid” sort of way.

It’s fun to see who holds up under these conditions and O’Brien really doesn’t. Early in the episode, the chief gets super jealous over one of Keiko’s co-workers and we’re meant to believe the phenomenon is affecting him already, but honestly, it’s so early in the episode and his response is so over-the-top, that maybe he’s just being an asshole.

Anyway, occasionally there are facts, concepts, theories etc. that I first learned about on Star Trek and this episode is no exception. This one taught me about REM sleep!

I enjoy Troi’s nightmares in this one a lot. Floating in green tinted space, she hears a creepy voice call “eyes in the dark” and “one moon circles” and she replies with “where are you!?” it just makes me laugh every time.

75. Homeward (TNG 713)

Worf’s adoptive brother Nikolai violates the Prime Directive trying to save some villagers whose planet is dying.

So, a lot of the conflict in this episode centers around Nikolai circumventing and breaking the Prime Directive. But the Prime Directive is Starfleet’s General Order 1 and Nik is not a member of Starfleet? In addition, while he is engaging in the sort of anthropological study we’ve seen from Starfleet scientists in the past, he is, again, not a member of Starfleet and while the Enterprise crew go to bail him out, it isn’t made absolutely clear that Nikolai is conducting this research in conjunction with Starfleet or that he’s some sort of science freelancer working with Starfleet. It doesn’t really matter, other than Worf is pissed his brother has broken a bunch of rules/codes of behaviour that Worf has chosen to live by, but Nikolai has not. Regardless, the Federation/Starfleet should revise their procedures for study of non-warp societies and their rules for first contact.

I like the drawing scroll/village chronicle in this episode. It just looks cool. Also Penny Johnson!

74. Violations (TNG 512)

Troi, Riker, and Crusher experience violent hallucinations and comas after telepathic, memory recovering alien researchers named Ullians visit the ship.

This is another episode where Troi experiences psychic distress/rape and it’s pretty appalling. What’s more appalling is that everyone seems ok with the fact that these things happen once or twice a season to Troi because she’s an empath. The Original Series/movies took a pretty lax view on these sort of mental violations as a crime (if you watch that mind meld scene from Star Trek VI again, you’ll be hard pressed to conclude anything other than Spock rapes Valeris while the entire bridge crew just watches). Even in this episode Picard admits the Federation doesn’t have a law for this because there’s just not much precedent (umm yeah there is, Vulcan mind melds undertaken without consent for starters (See Enterprise), the Ferengi “thought maker” from S1 “The Battle,” and the Manchurian Candidate-esq mind control process La Forge undergoes in S4 “The Mind’s Eye” all deal with memory and lack of consent, JLP and one of those things Happened To You).

The other gross thing about this episode is the invasive, boundary-pushing actions of “archeologist of the mind” Tarmin that initially leads the Enterprise crew to suspect him of causing these comas, gets dismissed when they realized his son Jev has been attacking the crew through telepathy. But while not as serious as his sons violations, what Tarmin does isn’t ok either.

Troi’s memory that gets explored is one with her and Riker getting intimate after a poker game. In the memory, Riker assaults Troi and I’ve read some responses to this scene as “WTF Riker!?” but like we also see that rapist Jev inserts himself into this vision too (as he does with Riker’s, and Bev’s) and it seems to me it’s pretty clear Jev is manipulating the memory for his own pleasure? Anyway, the original memory kernel in this sort of suggests Troi and Riker hook up at the end of season 3/start of season 4 for those keeping track.

I like the Ullians costumes a lot. They wear all white, with long jackets that look like someone tried to make decorative patterns (like you do with paper to make snowflakes) but forgot to fold it so now there’s just a jacket with a lot of holes.

73. Identity Crisis (TNG 418)

Susanna Leijten, a friend and former shipmate of Geordi La Forge’s, visits the Enterprise, but it’s not a social call. Five years early, while members of the USS Victory, the pair were part of an away team to investigate the disappearance of 49 colonists on Tarchannen III. Now the rest of the away team has disappeared.

This is a pretty decent “alien of the week” episode. Geordi and Susanna have good chemistry and are believable as old chums. Geordi once again illustrates that the holodeck can be used to solve ship problems, and this time manages to do it without hitting on a hologram of a real person! If you’re just watching it for the first time, realizing that there’s an invisible alien in the original away mission recording the whole time is pretty cool and I remember this one spooking me a little as a kid. Plus the alien fluorescent vein suits Susanna and Geordi wear are pretty cool.

72. Attached (TNG 708)

Picard and Bev are imprisoned on an alien world and their escape is hampered by brain implants that allow them to share thoughts.

I suppose the point of this episode is to reveal that Picard developed romantic feelings for Bev way back when, but never said anything since she was married to his best friend at the time. Which is not surprising? Anyway, they also share some erotic dreams so that’s a thing that happened. What I like is that they realize there’s been some attraction/deep romantic feelings between them, which is now out in the open. But they talk about it, deal with it, and their friendship grows because of it. Yo, sometimes you fall in love with your good friends, sometimes you find them attractive, but it doesn’t always end in sexual relationships and marriage. Often, people just continue being friends. I like that this didn’t go down the predictable TV route.

Really though, the high point of this episode is when Picard and Crusher finally clear the air about what they prefer on their breakfast menu. Coffee and croissant for all! I want to eat with them sooo much.

71. Who Watches The Watchers (TNG 304)

The Enterprise tries to undo the damage caused by a Starfleet observation team who is inadvertently revealed to the pre-warp culture they study. Unfortunately, they just make it worse and the Mintakans start believing in God again.

This is another “pre-warp society believes Picard is God” episode (who can blame them?!) and those are always fun. JLP or The Picard, as the Mintakans call him, handles this all in stride. He’s impossibly modest when Nuria, the Mintakan leader, kneels before him and explains to her exactly why he isn’t a god. Nuria, for her part, digests this info incredibly well. When Liko tries to bow down to him, JLP aka The Overseer shuts it down quickly. Anyway, they are convinced he’s not a god because he can’t raise people from the dead (such a disappointment, JLP).

This episode asks the always pertinent question: what would happen if a group of proto-Vulcans went to a Renaissance Fair? The answer? Vests as far as the eye can see!

Anyway, Riker and Troi beam down to try and find the lost and injured anthropologist Palmer and she almost takes an arrow in the chest. Picard beams down and dares Liko to shoot him and JLP does take an arrow to the shoulder! Riker gets to wear green shorts and pirate boots in this one (spoiler: he wears peach tights under the shorts so we are denied a glimpse of what surely is the majesty of Riker’s thighs). Anyway, they dispense with all pretense of disguise by the end of the episode so fuck the Prime Directive, right?

Like, Starfleet really should get off this planet. This civ is nowhere near flight, let alone warp speed. Yeah, yeah, yeah studying them helps you learn about how you once were blah blah blah but these missions go wrong frequently. Is learning anything about this culture because it might illuminate some gap in your own history from 1000 years ago worth irrevocably fucking with their development? It seems pretty clear the answer is no and yet the Federation/Starfleet keep signing off on these exploitive and risky missions. Cool.

70. Qpid (TNG 420)

Q decides to pay off a debt to Picard so he sends Picard, the senior staff, and Vash to Sherwood Forest so they can all play Robin Hood.

I mean, this is obviously a silly episode but it’s supposed to be silly. I like Robin Hood stories/adaptations, even really bad ones, and this is far from the worst I’ve seen; however, it doesn’t hold a candle to the best Hood adaptation, Disney’s 1973 classic (Fox Robin Hood > JLP Robin Hood > Errol Flynn Robin Hood > Kevin Costner Robin Hood > Russell Crowe Robin Hood). Plus everyone wears tights (think Picard and Crusher look best in their costumes).

I think the best part of this episode (other than some funny lines from Worf, and Troi shooting Data with an arrow) is Vash. Marian is not always the most developed character, but Vash’s version is wonderful; she fights, she charms, she double crosses, she’s willing to marry Sir Guy, she finds a way to save herself and tries to warn the captain, all while still having feelings for JLP/Robin. I’d probably watch the adventures of Vash and Q, just saying.

69. The Battle (TNG 109)

Suffering from migraines, the Ferengi present Picard with his old ship, the Stargazer and force him to explore his past/that ship’s final battle. Spoiler: the Ferengi commander DaiMon Bok is giving Picard migraines with his mind control orb as part of a revenge plot because JLP inadvertently killed Bok’s son in self-defense a decade earlier. So, not the direct approach to revenge, I guess.

Perhaps the best news in this episode is that they’ve cured migraines in the 24th century!

Picard lecturing Riker in this episode is great too: “or did you sleep through the academy lecture on the conservation of tractor beam power” (that’s got to be one of the worst lectures at the Academy).

I like this episode which is rare for a first season episode and extra rare for a TNG episode with the Ferengi (they’re much more interesting on DS9). What I like about this episode is we learn a bit about Picard’s past, get a sense of the kind of captain he is, and learn about the Picard Manoeuver, a now textbook bit of flying/defense that “any good helmsman would have done” according to the always modest JLP (the Riker Manoeuver is obviously a sex position and it requires zero gravity and a dozen hologram partners). Anyway, we also see the care and love the captain has for his old ship but he doesn’t yet have that level of affection for the Enterprise. Watching JLP go through his possessions, hastily left behind in his old cabin, really gives the viewer a sense that there are a lot of backstories in the JLP catalog and we want to know all of them.

For the record, I would totally watch a Trek TV series about Picard’s time aboard the Stargazer, or about his unnamed command between the Stargazer and the Enterprise. I would definitely tune in for JLP: The Academy Years even though it would mean more screen time for Cory and Marta and fucking Boothby (that academy marathon episode would obviously be a two-parter first season cliffhanger. I’d also watch Star Trek: Academy Years; The Next Generation and I’m kinda shocked they’ve never done the “cast impossibly beautiful 20 somethings and put them in a school setting show”). Hell, I would even watch Picard: The Vineyard Years. What I’m saying is, more JLP please.

Other Star Trek shows I would watch in no particular order?

1. Star Trek: The Daystrom Institute

2. Star Trek: Lower Decks

3. Star Trek: ER

4. Any show featuring a Federation ambassador on assignment to Qo’noS, Cardassia Prime, Romulus, etc

5. Something set in the early 25th C, the 26th C, the 27th C, the 28th C, etc etc

6. Star Trek: Barely Any Humans Among the Crew

7. But seriously, that Star Trek Academy show now please

8. Star Trek: Klingon Edition

9. Star Trek: Friday Night Lights But With Parrises Squares

10. Star Trek: Queers in Space

11. Star Trek: The Spies Who Loved Each Other (Bashir-Garak spy romance thriller)

12. Star Trek: Badlands (a show from a Maquis perspective that would obviously have a Springsteen main theme)

13. Star Trek: The Delta Quadrant but we get there with normal warp power

14. Star Trek, but with no holodeck malfunctions

15. Star Trek: Law & Order/JAG

16. Star Trek: Starfleet Command

17. Star Trek: The Continuing Adventures of Seven of Nine