Ranking All The Star Trek: The Next Generation Episodes (Part 6)

It’s back!

This is the sixth part in a continuing series; the first five parts can be found here (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 7 as well as the Picard tea pot piece). Oops! It’s been two years, but I’ve been slowly and steadily working on the final two parts.

43. The Mind’s Eye (TNG 424)

Geordi is taken prisoner by Romulans and programmed to kill a Klingon governor and consequently destabilize relations between the Federation and the Klingons.

Have you ever noticed there are a lot of Geordi episodes featuring Romulans? I had noticed this in a “ah yes, Geordi and more Romulans” way, but recently, in anticipation of attending a LeVar Burton reading, I watched a number of Geordi-centric episodes with my sister and she was like “WHY ARE THERE SO MANY GEORDI-ROMULAN EPISODES?!?” It’s a good question. There’s also a lot of technical stuff when the Romulans are involved. They love his VISOR but there’s also the Tachyon detection grid, and experimental cloaking devices. Maybe its as simple as Geordi is generally happy and likes to make jokes and the Romulans are very much the opposite.

Anyway, my favourite part about this episode is when Geordi is being tested (he’s been given the task of killing Chief O’Brien) and he can’t quite pull it off. The moment when he just blatantly pours his drink on O’Brien instead and shrugs is pretty great. The Chief handles it all surprisingly well.

What I like about this episode is it shows how similar Romulans and Klingons can be. Klingon Ambassador Kell is just as scheming and plotting and honour-lacking as Worf claims any Romulan to be. Occasionally in one of these “Interstellar Political Intrigue” episodes someone is all like “Wut, Klingons and Romulans working together?” Here’s the thing: they work together A LOT. It began with the Khitomer/Duras stuff (though Undiscovered Country tells us it’s been going on much longer). Enemies aren’t quite enemies and allies aren’t what they seem. It’s a lot more interesting than Worf would have us believe.

42. Captain’s Holiday (TNG 319)

Picard goes to Risa in search of rest but finds love and archeological intrigue instead.

Our Risa introduction. I generally love Riker, think he’s actually a sexual partner who’s interested in consent and mutual pleasure (if written today he’d 100% be bi). However, it’s not ok that he asks an unsuspecting Picard to pick up a horga’hn (a Risian fertility symbol that when displayed signals that one is seeking the sexual pleasure known as jamaharon), which basically ensures a vacation filled with sexual harassment.

Anyway, Vash is a pretty good compliment/foil for Picard and it’s sort of refreshing to watch an archeologist adventurer who’s nakedly transparent about being a profit hungry mercenary — “It belongs in a museum, as long as I get my 10% commission!” is certainly more honest. Picard is more of a museums > than profits archeologist so when he destroys the artifact at the end it’s a nice twist.

I don’t have a problem with Risa, Wrigley’s, Casperia Prime or any other pleasure planets (these people invented holodecks and holosuites after all, so clearly they are into sex), it’s just hard to buy Risa as THE pleasure destination.

It’s the Golden Girls set. Which might do it for some people but without Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and Sophia it’s just a lot of rattan furniture.

JLP wears a plunging v-neck beach shirt and makes it work. He also wears a padded speedo and I don’t really know what to say about it.

This is the episode where we get the “All I require is to sit in the sun and read my book. Alone” Picard gif, and that’s certainly the biggest Picard Mood.

41. The Enemy (TNG 307)

An electrical storm strands Geordi and a Romulan on an electromagnetically turbulent, but potentially strategically important planet, Galorndon Core. The pair must work together to be rescued.

I like this episode a lot. Maybe it should be higher. The main plot about Geordi and Bochra working together to move beyond their differences (Starfleet vs. Romulan) is echoed by the B plots pitting Starfleet against Romulan (with varied results). Worf is asked to be a blood donor and save a second Romulan’s life and Picard squares off against the Romulan commander Tomalak (a delightful foil). Geordi’s performance is nuanced; we see how the engineer becomes a diplomat then friend through problem solving and with the tools available to him (his phaser, the planet’s minerals, his humour, his VISOR). The electromagnetic storms interfere with Geordi’s VISOR and unfortunately sets up a narrative where Geordi must “overcome” his blindness to be rescued. That part is crappy but the teamwork between Geordi and Bochra is good.

Worf’s storyline doesn’t have a happy ending. Despite urging from Doctor Crusher, Riker, and Picard, Worf lets the Romulan die (on the other hand, the Romulan seems super ok with this decision). It’s problematic that some of the series’ clearest examples of prejudice come from Worf, one of the only Black characters and one of the clearest representations of difference on the show. Worf never really grapples with his prejudice the way his coworkers Kira and O’Brien do and that’s a shame.

40. Time’s Arrow (TNG 526, 601)

Data’s severed head is found in San Francisco, buried 500 years earlier. The Enterprise’s investigation reveals that the Devidians have been feeding on 19th century humans — yum! Trapped in the past, the crew meet Guinan and authors Sam Clemens and Jack London before stopping the Devidians and returning to the 24th century.

I like this episode, but I don’t think it’s among the series’ best work. There are some funny moments, but Sam Clemens is obnoxious as fuck (much better as Deep Throat on the X-Files). Watching Data navigate the 19th century is sort of fun. Sometimes I find myself remembering in later episodes that Data has a disproportionately old head in comparison to the rest of his body because of the events in this one. The play scene is fun because the landlady makes the most of her limited screen time. I love the snake cane!

The highlight of this episode is the paradoxical reveal of Guinan and Picard’s first meeting. It gives their relationship a lot of depth and helps explain why someone of her experience and temporal abilities is willing to take a part time gig serving fake drinks in Ten Forward. Tell me again why the bartender has an office? Just kidding, if Guinan wants an office, she should get an office. It’s the platonic version of the Doctor/River Song relationship from Doctor Who (“Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead” is the better two-parter tho).

39. The Offspring (TNG 316)

Data creates his child, an android named Lal. Starfleet continues to see him as property and wants to take her away to study.

Can’t say I liked this episode for most of my life, especially as a kid. I found it sort of blah. As I get older, I realize there’s a lot of great stuff in it. If I was going to rank these again today, this one would likely be higher, but as I started this project several years ago, it’s not and what’s done is done. Data is a pretty great dad. He doesn’t immediately decide to make his child male or female. He’s open and accepting of his kid’s gender. He’s willing to sacrifice his career to protect what is essentially his newborn. I don’t love the “what are your intentions towards my daughter line” but sometimes the past lets you down. He shines.

Lal shines too. She’s so great. She’s funny, witty, lacks coordination. She really performs the “emerging android consciousness” and awkward teen thing to a tee. And when she experiences emotion for the first time, it’s truly quite moving.

Admiral Haftel does not shine. He’s awful. I know Starfleet admirals are in general, The Worst, but this dude treats both Data and Lal as property. He wants to take this week-old android into custody. He is gross. This episode is also disappointing because it comes more than a year after S2 “Measure of a Man” where we determine that Data isn’t property so fighting the same fight again so soon is a bit of an android gut punch.

Picard does not shine as much as usual to be quite honest. He initially tries to chart a middle ground between Starfleet’s wishes and Data’s rights. The thing is, JLP, there’s no middle ground there. You side with Data. He gets there in the end and has a decent speech about refusing to let a man turn his child over to the state, which seems particularly relevant these days for middle management government employees to remember.

THIS EPISODE CONTAINS THE PICARD DOUBLE FACE PLANT OF MEME FAME.

38. Q Who (TNG 216)

Q sends the Enterprise to space previously uncharted by the Federation, where the crew encounters the Borg for the first time

It’s probably weird to rate this episode this high, but whatever, I’ve been working on this piece for literally years and things change! Anyway, what I like about it is both Q’s certainty that humanity isn’t ready for what awaits them coupled with Picard’s eventual admission that they need help. So often we see captains, Picard included, state they’re prepared/ready/willing to die for whatever cause, but rarer is the captain who is willing to look foolish or weak and accept help.

It also undercuts the White Dude Hero thing that Star Trek has a tendency to do (Pike, Kirk, Picard, and Archer all exhibit this from time-to-time). These white dude captains are presented as “explorers” who believe it is there right to bop around the galaxy and are rarely challenged on whether their presence is necessary or warranted (this is certainly a question for Voyager as well).

More than any Q episode (other than the pilot and finale) this one continues the never-ending trial of human initiated in “Encounter at Farpoint.” I know I know, there’s that Napoleonic-Lemonade-Party-Riker-Test episode, but that was more a fascination with the individual. While at Farpoint Picard and co. showed enough original thinking to be interesting to the Continuum, here they succeed because they admit their inadequacies. It’s a narrative thread that gets followed through to “All Good Things…”

Oh, and we learn Guinan and Q have met and are enemies and Guinan implies she has super-human powers? Good stuff.

37. Family (TNG 402)

After the Battle of Wolf 359 (as seen in “The Best of Both Worlds Part 1 and 2”) Picard returns home to France and visits with his brother’s family, while Worf’s parents visit the ship to help him deal with his discommendation.

I don’t have a lot to say about this episode aside from Picard’s bro is a jerk, his sister-in-law is great, and Picard’s vineyard style/look is hot. I like that he considers taking an aquatic Atlantis appointment. Worf’s mom is pretty great, Geordi is super kind to Worf’s dad. O’Brien admitting his dad sexual harassed/assaulted women crew members when he visited is….super fucking gross and a weird thing to play for a laugh?

Anyway, this episode is about trauma and dealing with masculinity when you’ve been traumatized. There are moments in this when Picard seems truly broken from the assault he endured when held hostage/assimilated by the Borg, but instead of becoming a 24th century Captain Nemo, he actually deals with his trauma, feels it, and talks about it (after brawling with his brother, but I think it’s the talking that does the trick). Worf tries to handle his discommendation on his own, but when he realizes his parents already know about it, he actually talks to them about it and allows them to comfort him. Anyway, dudes processing trauma and talking about their feelings is always refreshing.

In my head I always thought Marie died in the fire that killed Picard’s bro and nephew (mentioned in the first TNG film Generations) but the last time I watched that movie he tells Troi it’s just René and Robert who died in the fire. Obviously that’s still tragic and upsetting, but Marie deserved more than to be killed offscreen in a fire and I hope she’s leading her best life somewhere. Seriously, I don’t know why it took me 25 years to realize this.

36. I think I missed an episode somewhere and I’m not going to bother to find out which one.

35. Gambit (TNG 704, 705)

While the Enterprise investigates Picard’s death, Riker is abducted by archeological pirates. Working together on the mercenary ship, Not Dead Picard and Riker try to stop the construction of an ancient Vulcan weapon.

Ah, the one where everyone looks like David Bowie. Not everyone exactly, but the crew of the mercenary ship are very Stages of Bowie and unsurprisingly, it’s a good Space Look. Picard gets to play a smuggler named Galen and the character he creates is a fun mix between his typical archeological nerd and his Starship Mine persona. Riker and Picard faux feuding is also fun and Riker has numerous hilarious facial expressions, good times.

Data should have picked Crusher as his first officer. I know he pivots to Worf because *security* *bat’leths* *find him and kill him* but Worf has a one-dimensional way of thinking and I feel like his only creative thought, medical inspection! Is definitely something Bev would have thought of as well.

Koral absolutely makes the most of his limited screen time. When they give him bloodwine in what looks like a giant cup better suited to an amusement park and he responds by pouring it on the floor, it kills me every time.

Hat tip to Leather Beret Bev.

34. Remember Me (TNG 405)

Wesley’s warp bubble experiment goes awry and traps Doctor Crusher in a collapse universe where crew members are disappearing.

I like this one. It’s a “science gone wrong” episode but I think Bev puts in the performance to push it up the rankings. I’m not super interested in the parts that showcase the Traveler or Wesley’s brilliance. I do like that Bev is given a problem that’s not strictly in her wheelhouse, but she deals with it by leaning on her training as a scientist.

The best part is when everyone but Doctor Crusher has disappeared from her shrinking parallel universe. It’s just Bev, trying to solve everything, battling the ship’s computer and it’s snappy and sarcastic and great. There are several great exchanges, but this is probably my favourite one, courtesy of Memory Alpha:

“What is the primary mission of the starship Enterprise?”
“To explore the galaxy.”
“Do I have the necessary skills to complete that mission alone?”
“Negative.”
“Then why am I the only crew-member? (the computer takes a moment to process and makes a strange noise) Aha, got you there.”
“That information is not available.”
(waves off the last response)

33. Phantasms (TNG 706)

Data’s dream program malfunctions and the android starts experiencing nightmares.

This episode is a tad silly but I love it. Data has weird dreams, he goes to see Sigmund Freud in the holodeck. He has a dream where Troi is a cake (she was probably pissed it wasn’t chocolate) and Crusher drinks from a straw coming out of Riker’s head (guess we didn’t need to give up straws to save the planet). Also Worf utters one of my favourite Trek lines: “it’s a cellular peptide cake, with mint frosting.” You either love this one or you don’t and I love it.

It’s not without fault. Data’s dreaming makes him malfunction and in the process he ends up repeatedly stabbing Troi in a turbolift. She gets over that trauma really quickly? Like they just sort of gloss over the fact that she was assaulted? Anyway, her Data revenge cake is pretty good (there is literally not a bad cake on TNG and this includes the Tarvokian pound cake Worf bakes Wesley in S5 “The Game”).

32. Second Chances (TNG 624)

A transporter accident on Nervala IV eight years ago created a duplicate Riker, who’s been stranded at the abandoned science outpost since the accident. When he’s rescued by the Enterprise, it brings up some difficult emotions for Deanne and Will.

There’s a lot going on in this one. The main plot is a “tech gone wrong” (if it’s not the holodeck it’s the transporter). There’s the original mission of trying to retrieve the data left behind when the outpost had to be evacuated years before. But we also get some more layers to the Troi-Riker relationship.

While Will acts like a bit of a baby that Thomas (what the transporter duplicate Riker decides to go by) exists, Troi seems very caught between what might have been and what could be. We also learn that Will was a bit of a dick to Troi when they dated? Young Lieutenant Riker wasn’t a dick for choosing his career over a life with Troi. He chose his career, it happens, it’s fine. It’s that he doesn’t tell her that? He doesn’t show her the curtesy of breaking up with her? He’s not truthful with her, it’s one of the shittiest things he does, to be honest. Like we know this earlier in the series, but we get the gut punching details here and honestly, I’m on Team Troi here and I love me some Actually Bisexual 24th C Evolved Jazz Bro Riker. Just skipping out on his planned rendezvous with Troi and then sort of strings her along until she realizes? Subspace communiques are a thing, dude.

In the pilot when Troi tells Picard about her previous relationship with Riker, it seems clear that while she has moved on, this is something that hurt her deeply. Six years and a deeper friendship later, that pain is still something she remembers.

Will is also a bit of a dick to Thomas. Like dude, it’s not his fault he exists and also loves Troi. It’s also not his fault you were the one to rescue him. And really, Thomas has been alone on a decrepit outpost thinking everyone he loves thinks he’s dead for eight years. You could be a little more understanding of his trauma. On the other hand, When Riker, Pulaski and co get their genetic material stolen for the purpose of cloning in S2, he seems (rightly) pissed and some of that is the loss of his uniqueness, his individuality. So in some ways, he’s just being super consistent.

On to the important things. Thomas showing off his romantic side is kind of fun and the Janaran Falls phaser art kills me every time I see it. Is phaser art a broader artistic trend? Is it like the 24th C equivalent to WWI trench art? Or is Tommy truly an original here? Can you go to Cestus III and see an exhibit of the galaxy’s finest phaser art?

This might be the best Riker-trombone episode? It opens with Will playing a gig in Ten Forward. This needs unpacking. Does the Will Riker Quartet have a weekly set? What night? My guess is Thursday because Fridays and Saturdays are for the other kind of boning. So Will Riker and the Number Ones have a steady Thursday gig. Is that just first officer privilege or if I head down to Ten Forward Monday night at 2200 hours will I be treated to the punk rock stylings of Alyssa Ogawa and the Hyposprays?

So Will Riker and the Three Pips are playing and Troi requests “Nightbird” a song he’s never quite got right just to publicly thwart him and you gotta respect that. But who are the other members of the Galactic Bones? Well, there’s Unnamed double keyboard alien. Dude is bringing it with his purple pants and went with the short sleeves over a mauve long sleeve number like he’s Chad Michael Murray Circa 2004. Nice. There’s an obscured drummer but what we see of him (red pants!) I like. Then there’s The Green Lady. She’s dressed in several shades of green and playing the Space Bass. What I’m saying is, this band coordinates. I’ve always wanted to know what jobs these people have on the ship. Sometimes I like to think they’re just civilians onboard to be part of the band. But who knows, maybe the drummer works in stellar cartography and Space Bass is a transporter chief.

31. The Pegasus (TNG 712)

Riker’s former CO visits the Enterprise to search for the experimental Pegasus, destroyed 12 years earlier, before the Romulans find it and discover its treaty-breaking secrets.

I’m torn. On the one hand, Riker’s former captain, Admiral Erik Pressman, is a Mega Space Dick. He follows the fine Starfleet tradition of Admirals Who Are Up To No Good. He has a secret, treasonous mission and of course he’s sworn Riker to secrecy. He’s put our Big Dude in a bind! Not cool! He creates tension between Riker and Picard and JLP yells! at Riker! Pressman wants to recover the Pegasus’ interphasic cloak, a technology that blatantly breaks the Treaty of Algeron between the Romulans and Federation. Picard gets all shocked and appalled that there was a mutiny on the Pegasus 12 years ago, Riker downplays it like someone who’s been lying about a crucial moment in his career for more than a decade. Anyway, Riker eventually tells Picard what’s up and obviously JLP does the right thing and disobeys Pressman’s orders.

Here’s the thing tho: The Worst Admiral in the Fleet Just Made a Great Point. Look, there’s certainly an argument to be made that the Treaty of Algeron which, among other things, prevented the Federation from developing cloaking technology, certainly kept the peace between the two super powers. But in the political climate of the 2360s and 2370s, what with Borg and Dominion threats, wars with Cardassians, the Borg, the Dominion, etc it’s a little like pushing disarmament in 1930s Europe. Basically the result is, everyone else has a cloaking device except Starfleet.

Anyway, obviously the highlight of this episode is Captain Picard Day (June 16, mark your calendars). It’s a wonderful sequence complete with kid crafts, a metallic banner, Riker loving it, and Admiral Blackwell calling in the middle, which of course makes Picard a little sheepish. The “I’m a role model” with awkward laughter, followed by her dismissive “I’m sure you are” sign off never fails to delight me. Own it, JLP, you ARE a role model! You know who never had children create paper mache busts in their likeness? Erik Pressman, that’s who.

30. Genesis (TNG 719)

THE CREW DE-EVOLVES!!!!

So, I realize there are those who don’t like this one, but I am not one of those people. I’ve loved “Genesis” since it first aired. I don’t know, it’s just silly and fun to watch the crew play different versions of themselves. Data and Picard coming back to the Enterprise adrift in space and having to piece things together is great. We also get moments where junior officers like Ogawa and Barclay get to take on bigger roles and attend a meeting in the observation lounge!

I think it’s also wonderful that Gates McFadden got her TNG directorial debut on an episode with lots of monsters/animals/creatures. Well kept secret, McFadden has extensive muppet experience (as Cheryl McFadden), doing muppet movement and the choreography for seminal Labyrinth (Damn!).

There’s a scene at the start of this one where Worf and Troi have a little back in forth over temperature and keep changing it (yo! It’s because you’re de-evolving, you should go get that checked out). It just bums me out because how do they not have some sort of device so you can have individual temperature control in the 24th C? It’s 2370, why do I have to sit at the conn, drowning in ass sweat because the officer in charge wants in to be 25 degrees?

i) love Crusher’s physical reaction to getting sprayed in the face/eyes with Worf Venom.

ii) Data telling Picard he’s going to de-evolve into a lemur

iii) The opening scene with Riker, Spot (Data), and Barclay getting treatment in sickbay (Riker has a Sex Cactus Injury!)

iv) Amphibian Troi Bathtub

v) Spider Barclay pop up in engineering

vi) Proto-Human Riker trying to eat Picard’s fish

29. The Next Phase (TNG 524)

The Enterprise comes to the aid of an ailing Romulan vessel. During the repair operations, La Forge and Ro are lost and presumed dead in a transporter accident.

This is a pretty straightforward “disaster in space” but it’s a good one. They’re not actually dead, just sort of cloaked. I like that it pairs Ro with Geordi, who, aside from Riker, has been the least accepting of her place on the ship. There’s some dubious science (they can pass through matter like tables, doors, walls and the hull of the ship but somehow not the floors?) but that’s ok, it’s fun. Especially the chase scene where Ro and the similarly-cloaked Romulan run through various crewmembers’ quarters including an intimate dinner and a most excellent dude doing push-ups.

I like that Ro and La Forge take alternate approaches to dealing with the situation (Geordi’s “I’m not dead so let’s solve this” and Ro’s “is this a spiritual experience/I’m prepping for death”). We also get Worf’s take on being a member of “the honoured dead”. It’s one of the few moments of 24th century spirituality we get on TNG. Data planning a funeral is great and the funeral is terrific, as is the “attend your own funeral” aspect.

Really though, does anyone believe this accident would have happened if it was Chief O’Brien doing the transporting and not Chief Brossmer?

28. Cause and Effect (TNG 518)

The Enterprise is caught in a temporal causality loop, which makes them relive events over and over again, with each loop culminating in the ship’s destruction.

This a “disaster in space” episode but it has one of the best cold opens of the series: 30 seconds of panic on the bridge followed by Picard’s call for the crew to abandon ship, and the Enterprise’s destruction. Good stuff. It’s also a nice detail that each repeated loop is shot somewhat differently.

My favourite thing about this episode though, is each loop, Picard must make a crucial decision to go with Riker’s advice or Data’s and each time he chooses Data’s pretty quickly. Picard just consistently dismisses Riker’s opinion and it’s great. The crew spend 17.4 days in the loop because of it! It isn’t until Data overrides this decision during the last loop and goes with Riker’s suggestion that the loop is broke and time moves forward and we meet “oops we missed a century in the loop” Kelsey Grammer. Great, well-executed episode, so much so that a lot of people think the time loop is a convention Trek returns to over and over again, but it’s actually not (that Disco time loop tho! So excellent)!

Time loops are great fun.

27. Rascals (TNG 607)

A transporter accident leaves Picard, Ro, Guinan, and Keiko with 12-year-old bodies. Some rogue Ferengi take over the ship but are thwarted by Young Picard and his child battalion.

You either like this episode and embrace the silliness and fun or you don’t. it’s probably ranked a little high, but that’s sort of the point, no? I love this episode. Can I just say that I am so jealous of everyone in the ill-fated shuttle!? Who wouldn’t want to take a trip with Ro, Keiko, Guinan, and Picard? To top it off Picard, Ro, and Keiko nerd out! Guinan and Keiko share some laughs! Gah, I want the episode about the trip.

Some nice continuity in this one too. Getting the actor who played Picard’s nephew in S4’s “Family” to play Young Picard works and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the work of Isis Carmen Jones whose two acting roles came in 1992, both of which were playing Young Whoopi Goldberg (she also plays Little Deloris in Sister Act).

I like that we get to see four different ways of handling the situation: Young Picard struggles with the challenges his new-found youth pose for his career, Young Keiko struggles with what the accident means for her familial relationships, Young Ro is forced to confront that she’s never really had the luxury of immaturity (unfortunately decades-long occupation works like that) and Young Guinan, the champ, just rolls with it, even though I’m pretty sure she’s the only one officially out of work (the officers could still work in Starfleet, pretty sure 12-year-olds can have green thumbs, but they can’t tend bar and kids aren’t allowed in Ten Forward without an adult).

Commendation for Picard putting aside his ego in this one on multiple occasions. After initially being a tad obtuse about the reality of the situation, JLP turns over command to Riker, asks to borrow Alexander’s toy, works with a child to retake the ship, and throws a tantrum and pretends to be Riker’s kid. A little piece of JLP died in this one, but it was worth it for “He’s my Number One Dad”.

26. Elementary, Dear Data (TNG 203)

Data and Geordi run a Sherlock Holmes holodeck program and in doing so endanger the ship. Oops!

I guess if you don’t like Sherlock Holmes this one probably isn’t super interesting to you, but I like Holmes and I like the way this fits in TNG’s larger mystery themes. Data’s interest in Holmes is established in the first season (S1 “Lonely Among Us,” the one with the pipe) and we build on that here.

Geordi feels real bad for creating a Holmes-type villain who can beat Data (instead of Holmes) but I choose to blame Dr. Pulaski. The reason Geordi ups the stakes is because she’s been giving Data a hard time about how he can’t really solve mysteries, etc. It’s another instance of her being truly disrespectful/insulting to him and she’s real lucky they don’t seem to have an HR department on the Enterprise.

I like this version of Moriarty and what I think is super interesting about the Moriarty/Holmes dynamic in this is the rivalry is pretty one way. Data isn’t remotely interested in besting Moriarty so much as he’s interested in saving the ship. He’s not even that interested in the competition with Pulaski once he realizes the threat level has increased.

Who the hell knows why Data can take a piece of paper off the holodeck but Moriarty can’t leave! However, Data’s alarm at the Enterprise drawing is very much a great “oh shit!” moment.

25. Starship Mine (TNG 618)

The Enterprise is evacuated in preparation for routine maintenance, a deadly baryon sweep. Trapped, Picard must stop the terrorist/thieves who are trying to steal warp core waste before the baryon sweep kills them.

Picard’s John McClane moment.

There are certain scenes over the course of TNG’s runs that are just perfect. Usually they involve the full main cast (or most of them) and this episode has one! The banquet introduction scene is wonderful. The set up helps: no one wants to go to this party at Arkaria Base! The host is obnoxious! Worf thwarts Geordi and is allowed to skip it! Picard shows his typical dread of unnecessary social functions that don’t have some giant nerd interest angle! Data practicing his “non-relevant” (small talk) conversation on an unsuspecting Picard in the turbolift. When they actually get to the party, the obnoxious host, Commander Hutchinson (“call me Hutch”), really does put in the work to make this scene wonderful (he’s actually fine, if a little unaware). Data practicing his small talk with Beverley (“can I call you Beverley?”) and Riker is great but when he’s paired with Hutchinson it’s wonderful. My favourite part is probably when they talk about the difficulty of picking the paint colour in the reception room. The contempt Orton and other officials at the Arkaria Base have for Hutch creates an instant bond between them and Geordi and Riker (that makes it easier for them to take the Enterprise crew hostage). Topping it all off is awkward, nerdy JLP rushing out of the reception to grab his saddle (every serious rider has one, naturally), to go riding, and escape the gathering before accidentally walking into a wall much to the annoyance of Troi and LaForge.

Picard’s horse riding/John McClane outfit is very much the best outfit he wears in the entire series and he looks SO GOOD.

24. Parallels (TNG 711)

Worf returns to the Enterprise after attending a bat’leth tournament but notices numerous odd changes.

Look, I realize the seventh season (outside of a few episodes like “Lower Decks” and the finale) isn’t exactly that well thought of. And that’s fair. I think S3 and S6 are locked in mortal combat for the best TNG season ever, but I do think S7 is unfairly maligned. It’s a bit wild and silly in the way TOS could be wild and silly and I don’t think that’s a bad thing!

Anyway, the crux of this one is that Worf is shifting through different quantum realities and has to adjust on the fly (sometimes with disastrous results: poor, dead, parallel, loin cloth Geordi). What emerges with each shift is a romantic relationship between Troi and Worf. It’s a different Troi each time, but lucky for Worf there’s sort of a linear progression across the shifts. A lot of the criticism of Worf and Troi’s S7 romance is that it seems to come out of nowhere in the finale. Except, it doesn’t. I’m not saying there’s loads of evidence for brewing romantic feelings, but “Parallels” seems important for Worf’s realization. Sure, the Troi from our quantum universe doesn’t remember anything about the romance, but crucially, Worf does. When he’s back in the right universe, he invites Troi to stay for dinner and orders champagne. Dude is following his full beating Klingon heart and you love to see it.

This episode contains my favourite TNG scene ever. Worf’s birthday party is WONDERFUL. From Bev’s zest at singing the Klingon translation for “He’s a Jolly Good Fellow,” to his spikey birthday cake (like I said, every cake on TNG is genius), to Data entering his expressionist phase and presenting Worf with a painting of the Battle of HarOs, to every party guest, and Worf’s general befuddlement, it’s a wonderful scene.

Points to The Borg Are Everywhere Quantum Reality Riker, who pulls off both panic about the Borg and a lack of personal grooming.

I also choose to read this episode as Worf’s efforts to reclaim his Champion Standing title from the tournament on Forcas III. Before they’ve quite figured out the temporal shifting aspect, Worf seems most upset about his Ninth Place trophy (makes a good paper weight tho).

23. Data’s Day (TNG 411)

A day in the life of Data, as told by…Data.

I like this episode because explorations of everyday life on the Enterprise are really interesting to me. I’ve always liked that it’s also Diwali, that’s a nice detail that allows for cultural heritage to be maintained in the 24th century and helps undercut the Universal Human Culture that Star Trek often presents. I like that there’s some continuity with “Measure of a Man” here, as Data’s writing a message to send to Commander Maddox. Also, fuck that dude! We get to see some Bolian barbers, watch Dr. Crusher dance, and have a defection, it’s good stuff. Plus Chief O’Brien becomes more than just a cardboard cutout in transporter room 3. We get to meet Keiko (star!) and the pair get married. It’s a nice upbeat episode, I mean at the very least Data is pretty upbeat at everything (sometimes inappropriately so).

22. Disaster (TNG 505)

A quantum filament seriously damages the ship, leaving Troi in charge and various groups of crewmembers facing their own difficulties.

I love this episode! I love the plot device of “stick characters together who don’t usually share screen time and see what ensues.” Picard and children! Riker and Data in a confined space! Crusher and anyone outside of sickbay! Worf and Keiko/bedside manner! Troi and command!

It’s a standard “disaster in space” episode but there’s some real growth for Troi in this one. When Troi firmly decides to help crewmembers stuck in the drive section and essentially tells Ro to go fuck herself, it’s wonderful (and I say this as someone who absolutely adores Ro Laren). Troi has these moments (see “Face of the Enemy”) where she basically says “don’t fuck with me” and this is one of them.

JLP also puts in a good show with the kids too. I don’t think the experience illustrates to him why children on a starship are a good idea (probably the opposite actually) but his comfort with kids grows. Plus, lots of awkward Picard faces (watch for his look when he admits he’s never heard of the song “The Laughing Vulcan and His Dog”). It’s a shame we never get to see him give the kids the full tour after the disaster is over.

21. Lessons (TNG 619)

The Enterprise gets a new head of Stellar Cartography, Lt. Cmdr. Nella Daren. We’ve never needed one before, but we have one now! She connects musically with Picard and the pair fall in love. Unfortunately and conveniently, a dangerous stellar cartography emergency occurs forcing the couple to realize it will be too difficult to be together while they both serve on the same ship. Star crossed lovers torn apart by stellar phenomena, you hate to see it.

I love this episode. Like a lot. But I didn’t always. This is definitely an episode that didn’t appeal to me as a kid (in terms of the love story) that I’ve since learned to appreciate. Also, I love Nella Daren, like so much. She’s smart, confident, talented, interesting, and like Bev accurately observes, she’s very “forthright” (I absolutely love the arm gesture Bev makes when she says this, no idea why, like I stop whatever I’m doing when watching this episode and make the little motion in time with Bev). When Daren and Picard are breaking up she tells him he could always resign his commission and come live with her on a starbase. So boss! She’s a treasure.

I also like how quickly she makes herself at home? Before she’s even had time to meet Picard, she’s programmed eight (gross tasting) Daren herbal tea blends into the replicator, she’s shutdown a bunch of key systems so her department can perform an experiment designed to predict the configuration of a star system that won’t be formed for another 2 million years, and she’s joined a classical group who will perform Chopin’s Trio in G Minor soon after Picard interrupts her experiment. All this before meeting the captain and we know JLP likes to meet new, high ranking officers promptly (see Pulaski in “The Child”). Daren has varied interests and gets shit done. I like her.

Obviously, music makes this episode. It serves as a vehicle to drive these two characters together and it’s used as a metaphor for Picard’s growth and connection. His music is special and has never been shared because it was learned during his time as Kamin on the extinct world of Kataan (S5E25 “The Inner Light”). That he shares it with Daren reveals how important she is to him. Picard learns to play duets (a metaphor!) and to improvise musically, which obviously parallels with his growth and vulnerability as a partner.

There are two great things about the concert. One, Picard is once again sitting beside Ensign Jae and it’s not the first time this has happened at an Enterprise Ten Forward Nerd Function (she sits beside Picard during Data’s poetry reading earlier in the season and the pair share some interesting and perhaps unintentionally suggestive? body language). The second thing is a clever little compositional shot TNG sometimes uses: Troi sits behind someone at a function and responds to their emotions (that might not be clear to the audience) in a way that’s revealing. The first time I remember this happening in an episode is “Sarek” from S3, but I could be wrong. I think it’s more effective here though, because it helps reveal Picard’s growing interest in Daren but also that his attraction is driven at least in part by her intellect.

And that’s another reason why I love this episode: it might be the nerdiest episode of the nerdiest of all Star Trek series. Various groupings of Daren, Picard, and Data play Chopin, Bach, and Beethoven on the piano, flute, and violin (Daren also shows Picard how to improvise around the melody to “Frère Jacques” which is an incredibly nerdy thing to do). There’s a recital. Picard invites Riker to fence with him and Picard and Crusher talk stellar science over dinner. It meant a lot to me to watch a TV series as a kid where the cast engaged in intellectual pursuits in their free time, that they support each other in their intellectual endeavours, and that intellectual curiosity was shown to be a positive attribute. The crew of the Enterprise D was always unabashedly intellectual and that’s still appealing to me. Don’t get me wrong, other Star Trek shows have intellectual characters and discussions, but the nerd interests of the TNG crew help bind and cement their relationships.

That’s not to say I don’t appreciate the different ways crew relations and interpersonal dynamics are explored in other Trek shows, like DS9’s exploration of masculine comradery in the friendships of Sisko/Dax, Odo/Quark, and especially O’Brien/Bashir. I think the way those relationships are portrayed are great and interesting and worthwhile. But O’Brien ditches his cello and string quartets when he leaves the Enterprise and Bashir’s intellectualism is so often pursued in isolation. Instead, the bonds these two forge are through very traditional and very active masculine pursuits: drinking, darts, and the 24th century version of historical battle re-enactments in the holosuits (there’s an essay or seven to be written about imperialism, British military greatness, “Jerusalem,” and the colonized in O’Brien-Bashir holoprograms). So often Star Trek shows intellectual folks as individuals without community, solitary and isolated (think any of the terraformers we encounter, Vulcans, great scientists etc). What TNG showed kids with nerdy interests, who excelled academically but might have been isolated socially, was that those interests could help you forge friendships. It showed that being smart didn’t have to be lonely, it could lead to connection.