Positive Behaviour Guidance: Setting the Environment for Children to Succeed
The best way to set the foundation for positive behaviour is by setting the stage and environment through positive behaviour guidance. These may seem small, but the key is consistency and clarity, which takes ongoing and active work. This may be easy on a good day, but harder when the parent/caregiver is already exhausted or frustrated. The good news is, that it gets easier the more you do it and the more often you think about it.
Prep them for success: Make sure your child’s biological needs are met. This includes ensuring that your child has a nap appropriate for their age, that they are well-fed and have snacks on hand, and that they are provided with enough stimulation to keep them interested but not overwhelmed.
Clear & simple rules: Children need some rules to help them feel safe and secure. Rules let them know what is expected of them in a given situation. However, the younger they are, the less they can remember and follow, so it is important to keep them short and limited.
Also remember that testing rules is natural, but children can be reminded by using clear, simple wording and a calm voice. For example, “We walk in the house.”
Create consistent routines: Children thrive when they have a predictable structure to follow. It helps them to understand what their role and expectations are, and helps them feel successful in meeting those expectations.
This also helps to reduce confrontations around specific, regular events in the home, such as leaving the house, bath time, dinner, or bedtime. Doing the actions in the same order every time and saying them out loud as you do them can be helpful for children.
For example, “It’s time for bed. First, we brush our teeth”; “Pajamas come next”; “Now, bedtime story. Do you want book #1 or book #2.”; “Lastly, a big goodnight kiss — I love you.”
Reward positive behaviour: Catch your children being “good” by praising them and recognizing when they are doing well. Associating good feelings with good behaviour can lead to more positive behaviour in the future.
For example, “It bet felt nice to be friendly with the other children today. I think they’d love to play with you again next time” or, “Thank you for cleaning up your toys. You did a fantastic job!” (Thank you to Nic Russell from South East Yoga & Wellness for help in rephrasing this section)
Anticipate problems before they happen: Set-up the environment or situation in a way that will encourage them to be successful. This may mean removing things that they cannot touch or you don’t want broken, ensuring they had a nap before going to a friend’s house, or bringing a toy to the grocery store.
Listen and talk with your children: Having regular conversations with children will help to build your relationship and your understanding of their thoughts, feelings and concerns. This will also open up the lines of communication for when they feel they need your support.
Make statements when you want compliance: It is important to know what is a choice and what isn’t and to communicate that effectively to children. Instead of asking a child to do something that you require compliance for, tell them simply. For example, say “Put on your shoes” instead of “Can you put on your shoes?”
Give choices: Children need to have some sense of control. Give them choices within the options you can live with, remembering that some things are choices and some are not.
Also, help them to be successful in making choices by giving them limited options. For example, “Do you want to wear your blue sweater or your red one (showing both options)?”
Set an example: You truly do have to practice what you preach; children do not understand “Do as I say, not as I do”. They are watching your every move and learning how to act in the world by how you act. If you sit on your kitchen counter, you can expect to find them up there someday.
Limit screen time: Many shows and games exhibit aggressive and anti-social behaviours which children are likely to try emulating. Be aware of what you children are watching and having conversations about any bad behaviour seen.
Recognize when you child need’s support: Consider the causes of behaviour listed above and whether that may be a factor in your child’s behaviour. In these instances, they require support to overcome the challenge they are facing, rather than a lesson in behaviour that has a specific cause that they cannot resolve on their own. For example, they may be hungry, be having an emotional day, or may have missed their nap.
Keep in mind that you will still inevitably have situations where you will need to provide some discipline for a misstep in behaviour. Providing positive behaviour guidance consistently will lower the need for support. The most important aspect to remember is that consistency is key in helping young children understand how to manage their behaviour in familiar situations and environments.
Learn more about guiding children’s behaviour and discipline:
