How do deception, dependency, and isolation impact relationships?

After exploring verbal, emotional, and psychological manipulation, this post examines the interconnected tactics of deception, dependency, and isolation in abusive relationships. These tactics build upon the financial and economic control discussed in previous posts, highlighting how abusers manipulate and isolate victims to maintain dominance and disempower them.

In many abusive relationships, abusers employ deception, dependency, and isolation as powerful tools to control their partners. These tactics often work together to create an environment where the victim feels trapped, confused, and unable to escape. Deception can lay the groundwork for dependency, and once the victim is dependent, isolation ensures they have limited options for support, further solidifying the abuser’s control.

Deceptive relationships

Deception is a common tactic used by abusers to lure their partners into a false sense of security. The abuser often presents a carefully crafted image, pretending to be someone they are not, in order to gain the trust and affection of their partner. Once the relationship is established, the abuser’s true nature begins to surface, often leading to emotional and psychological harm.

Jamie’s experience

Jamie, a young adult, became involved with Alex, an older, wealthy individual who promised them a life of luxury and financial security. However, Jamie’s true intention was to gain access to Alex’s assets and resources. Jamie convinced Alex that they were in love, but behind Alex’s back, Jamie was maintaining a relationship with another lover. Alex, believing in Jamie’s affection, gradually invested more into the relationship, both emotionally and financially. Unbeknownst to Alex, Jamie’s affection was merely a facade, a calculated deception designed to exploit Alex’s wealth while keeping a secret relationship with someone else.

Sarah and Alex

Sarah met Alex at a charity gala. He was the epitome of charm — well-dressed, articulate, and seemingly compassionate. He would bring her flowers unexpectedly, text her goodnight every evening, and never missed an opportunity to make her feel like the centre of his world. But once their relationship became exclusive, Alex began to change. He started controlling small aspects of her life, from how she dressed to who she could speak with. His possessiveness quickly escalated to emotional abuse, and Sarah soon discovered that Alex had a history of abusive relationships. The charming man she fell in love with was nothing more than a facade designed to trap her.

Sophie and Martin

Sophie met Martin at a company retreat. Martin, with his warm smile and reassuring words, seemed like the perfect partner. He spoke often about their future, making grand promises of marriage and a family. Sophie fell deeply in love, and when she became pregnant with their child, she felt as though her dreams were coming true. However, Martin’s behaviour became erratic — he would disappear for days, avoid introducing her to his family, and evade any discussions about their future. Sophie tried to rationalise these red flags, but after their child was born, she learned the devastating truth: Martin was already married with another family. Sophie felt betrayed, trapped in a relationship built on lies, with a child now tying her to a man she could no longer trust.

Margarita and her best friend

Margarita thought she had found her soulmate in her best friend. They had known each other for years before they got married, but it was only after the wedding that she discovered he had been concealing his true sexual orientation. Unaware that he was attracted to men, Margarita was blindsided when the truth came out. She felt deeply betrayed and hurt, not just because of the deception, but because the person she trusted most had hidden such an important part of their identity. This revelation shattered her sense of trust and left her questioning the entire foundation of their relationship.

Dependency and manipulation

In many abusive relationships, the abuser creates a situation where the victim becomes financially, emotionally, or socially dependent on them. This dependency is then used to manipulate and control the victim, making it difficult for them to leave the relationship.

Remi and Kai

Remi fell in love with Kai’s seemingly responsible nature. Over three years, Kai slowly took control of every aspect of their financial life, convincing Remi that they were simply better at managing money. Kai’s control extended beyond finances — criticising Remi’s friends and family until Remi felt isolated and alone. When Remi tried to assert some independence, Kai responded with anger, accusing Remi of being ungrateful. The constant manipulation left Remi doubting their own abilities, making it nearly impossible to see a way out of the relationship.

Pretty and her husband

Pretty’s husband, failing at every business venture he attempted, relied entirely on her to cover the financial losses. He manipulated her into believing that if she just supported him a little longer, his next venture would succeed. But each failure led to deeper financial strain, and Pretty was left to pick up the pieces. Her husband’s emotional manipulation kept her tethered, making her feel responsible for his failures while he drained her resources.

Lucy and Ben

Lucy was a confident, successful professional when she met Ben. Over time, Ben eroded her confidence with subtle put-downs and constant belittling of her achievements. He convinced her to quit her job, saying they would be happier spending more time together, and that he would take care of everything financially. Lucy soon found herself entirely dependent on Ben, not just financially but emotionally as well. Every time she expressed a desire to regain some independence, Ben would guilt-trip her, saying she was ungrateful and that he had sacrificed so much for their relationship. Lucy felt trapped, unable to leave because she had lost her financial independence and, more importantly, her sense of self-worth.

Sabotage and isolation

Isolation is a key tactic used by abusers to cut off their victims from support networks, making them more reliant on the abuser. Sabotage is often used in conjunction with isolation to undermine the victim’s personal and professional life, further increasing their dependency on the abuser.

Aiden’s story

Aiden was 18 years old when she met Rylen, a married man who convinced her to become his second wife. Rylen bought Aiden a house on the outskirts of the city, effectively cutting her off from her relatives and friends. He isolated her further by never introducing her to his family or friends, making her completely dependent on him for everything. Aiden gave birth to two children, but Rylen, fearful of his first wife discovering the truth, kept them hidden in isolation as well. Tragically, the first time Aiden met Rylen’s family was at his funeral, underscoring the extent of her isolation throughout the relationship.

Alex and Taylor

Alex, a successful small business owner, believed they had found a supportive partner in Taylor. Initially, Taylor seemed eager to help with the business, offering to manage some finances. However, Taylor soon began to sabotage the business by withholding critical financial information, mismanaging funds, and cancelling meetings without Alex’s knowledge. This caused significant financial losses and damaged client relationships. Taylor also discouraged Alex from seeking advice from business mentors, friends, or family, claiming they would not understand the pressures of running a business. Isolated and overwhelmed by the business’s decline, Alex became increasingly dependent on Taylor for both personal and professional decisions, not realising that Taylor was the source of the sabotage.

Emily and Ryan

Ryan’s possessiveness grew over the five years he was with Emily. He sabotaged her career by constantly calling her at work, making her late for meetings, and criticising her in front of colleagues. Ryan also isolated Emily from her friends and family, convincing her that they were a bad influence. He took control of her phone, allowing her to communicate only with people he approved of, and even moved them to a remote location, making it difficult for Emily to meet with anyone. When Emily tried to reconnect with her friends or family, Ryan would become angry and accuse her of disloyalty, reinforcing her isolation.

Tabitha and her husband

Tabitha, once thriving in her career, found herself frequently taking leave from work due to her husband’s constant dismissal of their house help. This affected her job performance and promotion opportunities. Her husband’s actions did not stop at home; he actively discouraged her from pursuing professional growth, citing that her place was at home. Isolated from her colleagues and overburdened with household responsibilities, Tabitha’s career stalled, and she found herself increasingly dependent on her husband, with no clear way to regain her independence or professional standing.

What is the impact of deception, dependency, and isolation in relationships?

Impact on the victim

1. The ability to make decisions and take control of life is severely impaired.
2. Experiences anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) due to constant manipulation and control.
3. Becomes disconnected from friends and family, leading to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
4. May become financially dependent on the abuser, making it difficult to leave the relationship.
5. Self-esteem and confidence are severely damaged, making it difficult to re-establish a sense of self-worth.
6. Lives in constant fear of the abuser’s reactions and becomes hypervigilant, always on the lookout for potential threats.
7. May experience physical health problems, such as headaches, stomach problems, and sleep disturbances, due to chronic stress and anxiety.

Impact on the relationship

1. The relationship becomes characterised by a significant power imbalance, with the abuser holding all the power and control.
2. The relationship is devoid of emotional intimacy, as the victim becomes increasingly isolated and disconnected from the abuser.
3. The relationship becomes trapped in cycles of abuse, with the abuser using deception, dependency, and isolation to maintain control.

How to address deception, dependency, and isolation in relationships

1. Educate yourself. Knowledge is power. Start by learning about the tactics of deception, dependency, and isolation commonly used in abusive relationships. Understanding these patterns can help you recognise the signs early on.
2. Set and maintain boundaries Establish clear boundaries regarding what is acceptable and unacceptable in your relationship. Communicate these boundaries to your partner and be firm in upholding them. If your partner violates your boundaries, it is crucial to reassess the health of the relationship.
3. Know your legal rights Familiarise yourself with your rights within the legal framework of your country or region. This includes understanding the laws related to domestic violence, restraining orders, child custody, and financial rights in relationships.
4. Seek support Do not face these challenges alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professional counselors for support

Concluding reflections at NITE TANZARN IntellectNest

This sequence starts with isolating the victim, increasing their dependence on the abuser. It then moves through the tactics that break down the victim’s confidence and sense of reality before escalating to more overt forms of control, intimidation, and ultimately, the erosion of autonomy. Recognizing and addressing these patterns is essential for both preventing and recovering from abusive relationships. At NITE TANZARN IntellectNest, we aim to shed light on these forms of abuse and provide resources for those affected.