4 Types Of Anger After Abuse
This is anger. Don’t tell me to move on.
Moving hard is usually hard. It is harder when there is no closure and when you have experienced a lot of abuse.
After I escaped my life of abuse, I found out that the biggest emotion I struggled with was anger. I couldn’t understand it at the time and anyone I told just told me: just let it go.
Yeah, no shit. Like I hadn’t already tried that.
Today, I am not here to say that I am totally free from anger. I am just here to say- anger is a valid emotion and after abuse, you might see anger in this 4 areas:
- Anger from self-loathing.
- Anger at injustice in life
- Anger at the abuser
- Anger at self-blindness
Let us break them down to understand them.
Anger from self-loathing.
Self-loathing is in short, self-hatred. Think like this- you are a child. You are being abused. Everyday, you cry out for help. You want someone to help you. You want someone to save you- no one comes. It is kinda that way except that as an adult, you feel hatred towards YOU. You realize it was on you to help you. Why were you so weak? You are angry. Why did you not speak up? Anger. After you escape the abuse, you also might deal with self-loathing if there are residual feelings towards your abuser. Stockholm syndrome type or even a trauma-bond feeling. This can make you angry because why in the world do you feel this way? You are angry that it took you too long to do something about the abuse and then angry that you have any kind of understanding towards them.
Read: My Abuser’s 7 Unwitting Gifts: Lessons For A Better Life.
Anger at injustice in life
Escaping abuse has made me very angry towards all kinds of abuse. I want to rid the world of every injustice. I want to castrate child rapists and not with any pain meds to help them. I want to beat up everyone who lays a hand on a child or a vulnerable person. I am so angry at abuse that it can be sickening the torture ways my mind comes up with.
Anger at the abuser
Of course. You meet your abuser many months later and you can get angry all over again because- them? You remember something particularly cruel and you are so angry that you were ever in that unnecessary position. You think of their stupid face and go, that who??? I let this — — — — — — — — — treat me like that?
Anger at self-blindness
Self-blindness is my concept of a lack of self-awareness. I was naive in ways that helped me enable the behaviours that ultimately got out of hand against me. I understood too much. I forgave too many and overlooked many neon flashing red lights. Looking back, I am amazed at how I did not think that someone who, for instance, lies to others, will lie to you. You are angry that what was so clear to others who might even have warned you, escaped your notice. You are angry that you can so easily see abuse in other places and relationships but never saw it with yourself. You are angry at everything you excused.
Thank you for reading. Understand this anger?
My name is Adaobi Okwy. Please turn on Email Notification for my next post. Also, Buy me coffee?
