Dear In-Love, Here Are 3 Subtle Differences Between “I Care About you” & “I Am In Charge Of You”
Knowing the difference WILL save your sanity.
READ: I Leaned Too Hard On A Married Man. It Caused A Breakup.
Love… what a feeling right?
We all know about love. Everyone can feel it if we feel loved. Everyone including narcissistic abusers. And there in lies one of the realest dangers about love. While you go falling in love with open-mindedness and desire to be good to people, you have people who are just out there playing games and setting up manipulationships rather than relationships.
After years with a narcissistic abuser, I am here to share with you, the subtle differences between what I thought was: “I care about you” but what ended up being, “I am in charge of you. I am the boss of you. I own you”. I hope you tell the differences quickly. It will literally save you a ton of heartbreak.
- “Where are you?”: Questions like this starts off innocently. My ex will ask, “where are you?” and I would feel so loooooved. Ohhh, he is jealous over me. He doesn’t want me walking on the road and tripping down an erect dick because he wasn’t there to protect and defend me. You must understand that anyone who feels In-Charge of you will begin to start having issues when you take a step without giving them your itinerary and gaining their permission even if not explicitly acknowledged. You are an adult. You have an identity. You have a mind of your own. You know what you want. You should feel some level of independence even in your relationship. Is the place you answered the call noisy? Have you been missing for 24 hours? Did you miss work? Were you careless with something? It is okay to ask- “Where are you?” But if the question is to gauge if you went to their approved kind of place, Dear In-Love, this is a giant red flag.
- “Change your cloth”: I once dated a guy who said he hated: fixed nails, lipsticks and clothes that were inappropriate. Of course, he was to be the arbitrator of the appropriateness of my clothes. It was ‘whatever’ to me that he hated them but, it quickly became a dealbreaker when his expectation of my conformity was ignored. It is crazy. Presumably you knew something about this person before saying hi. Maybe you saw their profile or were introduced and now, you have decided you want to change them up into your ideal. Did you mistakenly spill something on your dress? Is there a clear dress code where you are going? These are the very few instances I think a partner should ask you to wear something different. I had an ex who will say, “no wife of mine will show cleavage”, “no wife of mine will…” Guy, walk away with that nonsense. Ps: Dear In-Love, he isn’t the man for you if you have to be dressed in his own image.
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3. His gifts are Trojan horses: So, he gifts you a vacation and now, you cannot breathe without his, “after all I have done for you!”. He gifts you a cloth and months down the line, he does something shitty, when called out on it, he sends you a long list of, “January 24th, I bought you — — -. February 10th, I gave you — — — -. March 2nd, I gifted you — — — etc. A relationship is give and take but narcissists and abusers love control. Be careful of gifts that have a hook at the end. Be careful of hooks that take your voice. Be careful of hooks that demean you. Dear In-Love, “I care bout you” does not threaten or intimidate you or give you ultimatums because of their gifts.
What subtle differences between “I Care About You” and “I Am In Charge Of You” have you noticed? Please share.
My name is Adaobi Okwy. Please turn on Email Notification for my next post. Also, Buy me coffee?
