I Was In A Love Triangle And Loved It
Eventually. It took a minute.
If you follow my work, you know that I was severely abused for years by a narcissistic ex. I have also talked about the cheating and the fact that I could not leave the situation immediately because I had nothing.
What was left to do was: to stay in the triangle and also to ‘love’ and thrive in this triangle. With narcissists, you play the game or it gets worse. I chose to play and here is why.
Here I explain how to beat narcissists at their own game.
So, about this love triangle, my ex gave me the ultimatum: you shut up, accept it and I will continue to financially provide or you make noise and I will throw you out. I needed that money and it wasn’t because I was too lazy to provide for myself.
It took me a moment to pick up my jaw:
I was obsessed with the other woman.
Who was she? What did she do? Worked for him.
Was she beautiful? Sure
More beautiful? Nope. Seriously?
Did she know about me? — Yes.
What was her plan? To get rid of me so she could live happily ever after with my ex.
In espied conversations, she was angry that he still wanted to live with me or do me any favours at all. Girl, how else was he going to make you give him more until he had control over you?
It will always rock me to my core that a woman as young (ten years younger than my ex) and as beautiful as she was, would read messages from my ex, essentially telling her that:
He would never treat her as well as she imagines. That he was not a romantic and he was trying to detangle himself from my clutches and have his freedom but he still loves her
And she would type back:
Okay: So long as it is me and you forever. Love conquers all. I cannot wait for our future to begin!
Reader, it was worse than this and I am not joking.
I had worked my ass off and we were successful- now it was just my ex’s success.
Girl was seeing the money and the travels I had done and I guess in her mind, she would ‘fix’ him and he would agree to be fixed because they were in love.
After I picked up my jaw from the ground, I had a startling realization- the other end of the triangle- she was very welcome to him. I mean- love conquers all right? And love wins, right?
Oh girl, welcome.
In all of the 2 minutes she held my ex’s attention, I continued to implement all the things that were working for me- I stopped pouring out my heart to him to use against me and I stopped sharing the truth of how I was working towards a different future for myself.
If you are with a narcissist, you must understand that their drug is control. They are also so conceited that when you switch to placebo, they still bite because they can be too smart to know the difference. So, while I played at bowed in submission, I did not stop working towards my exit.
Some days I look back and I thank that wonderful woman for how ferociously she threw herself at my ex. She gave ME the freedom, my ex thought he had.
Read: A Day In My Life Of Abuse.
She was me- when I was young and foolish. I gave and gave until I burned out. I gave and gave until I had nothing else left. I gave and gave until I became his image and someone I couldn’t recognize. I gave and gave until as she also must have realized, it will never satiate him.
What will I tell a woman in a love triangle?
Leave. Someone is definitely using someone.
What exactly are you competing for? Why do you want this person so much that you lose yourself? It is something wrong in you that you should fix. Anything else is a projection of your own brokenness.
At the end of the day, I used them both- one, I gave his kool-aid- my hunched back and the other, I gave the respect of her hustle.
I wonder how that wasn’t enough to keep them forever.
Thank you for reading. Ever been in a love triangle?
My name is Adaobi Okwy. Please turn on Email Notification for my next post. Also, Buy me coffee?
