I Would Have Been A Murderer
He started it.
He was an older man. 50’s or early 60’s. I used to greet the man every time I ran past him on my daily runs. I did not know him from Adam but after many times running past each other or alongside each other, it was cordial to ‘Hello/hi’ as we ran.
It was my first time back to running after weeks I took to rest. My whole world had been shattered just two weeks prior. I had just suffered a miscarriage. It was a dreadful time.
“Was it my fault?” I would ask myself over and again.
“Did God think I couldn’t be a good mother?”
“Am I a bad person?”
“Was it some sin I needed to atone for?”
I was heartbroken. No one really understood- yes, maybe someone who had suffered a miscarriage but I try not to compare pain. You feel it how you feel it. So no. No one understood.
I went through the motions but damn the blood that flowed- on and on, was a daily reminder of my loss. I couldn’t run out of my own body but I could run out of the house before I ran out of my mind.
It was my first day back to it after my miscarriage that murder nearly happened…
I saw the older man again. For the first time ever, he waved me down.
Maybe he wanted to say he hadn’t seen me in a while and hope all was well?
In the seconds before he spoke, I thought about different cliché answers to give him.
“I noticed you are getting thinner,” he said.
I didn’t know what to say so I just nodded.
“If you are married,” He continued, “Stop exercising for now”
“Why?” I asked unsure of what in the hell was going on
“Because too much exercise will make it hard for you to take in” He told me.
I stared at this man for what seemed like an eternity. I envisioned several ways to murder him and hang him in the open field as a warning to others like him.
My face must have reflected my thoughts because it was not just awkward, the atmosphere was tensed between us.
I turned and walked away. I could not believe the guts of this man. How dare he? How dare this stranger open his mouth to talk to me about my uterus?
That was the end of our familiar ‘Hello/Hi’. After a month, seeing that man became too much for me too. I stopped running there.
I want to ask you, dear reader,- has any situation made you feel this murderous?
Thank you for reading.
My name is Adaobi Okwy. Please turn on Email Notification for my next post. Also, Buy me coffee?
