Today Isn’t A Good Day At All.
Sorry, I am struggling so much.
I want to be alright- I really do. I mean, today is Monday. I went to bed excited for this new week. I am actually in that percent of people who love Mondays and mornings. Today, I am just struggling so much.
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What can I do to be happy today? None of my usual happy antidotes to unhappiness has worked:
- Saying the things I am grateful for.
- Praying about it.
- It isn’t yet time for me to take a walk- maybe the outdoors will help but the sun is too hot right now.
- Dialing my mom or sisters or friend. I called my mom and my sisters and it felt so burdensome because for crying out loud- this is Monday! People have their problems, Okwy. Get used to not burdening people with your pain.
- Snapping out of it. My good friend taught me this- just snap out of it, she will say. Today, I seem to have lost the switch.
- Watch a comedy series or Vera but how does this look on a Monday?
I didn’t even want to write today but- habit. I have learned to do what I must despite my feelings.
I had some topics to flesh out but I just couldn’t bring myself to them- it will be a façade.
At the heart of my pain today is fear- why did I suffer so much at the hands of people I liked and trusted?
Why isn’t their justice for evil?
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They just thrive and love and thrive. The world is shocked then accepting of them and forgetful of you.
How do cruel people glory on social media shamelessly? Their victory is what- that they dealt deceitfully and cruelly with people who were naive to their cunningness? Is this now victory- cruelty? Dishonesty? Abuse? You took heartlessly from me to enrich you? You are happy, proud?
I am struggling this morning. Evil has knocked the winds out of me. I thought I was over this. Not like this anymore. Today, today is that one step forward and ten backwards day.
Evil thrives today and to my shame, I retreat.
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