3 Reasons I Desperately Clung to a Love that Was Over
I feared I was not good enough amongst 2 other reasons.
How could it possibly not have been me? Everything is about me right? Our love started out so strong- so caring. It was ‘our thing’. We were written on the stars. Had our inside jokes. Our friends envied us. We defended one another. We protected each other. How then could he leave me for anyone else?
READ: Why Do You Say- ‘My Anxiety?’
- Colour me Rejected: Cos the fear of been rejected was too much for my… ego? Broken heart? Confusion?
It is both a staggering thought and a very humbling one when you find out that you were cheated on and left for someone else. How in the world does this not unbalance anyone?
What is it about me that was so terrible that our love could get trashed under it? What does she offer more and better than me? Why is she enough where I wasn’t? Why did you have to reject me?
Does anyone left behind also deal with shame? Like shame that people are laughing at you for ‘losing’ out? I don’t know. This happened to me too- shame.
2. But, But… our memories?: You have all of my secrets. You know me better than almost everyone else. You are in my waking thoughts. I am happy and I want you to laugh with me. I am sad and I want you to hear me vent. How is she lying so pretty and cool on your chest now? How are you making these new memories- happy memories I imagine, without any thought about me? Did I even ever matter?
Do you ever pause and think about me?
READ: You Seek Assurance. Abusers Seek Unbalance
You have someone new. For me, every time I reach out to grab you, I grab air… and memories. Memories that only hurt me so.
3. The fear of being alone: When you are used to being the other half, it feels like a death when you are ripped apart. It certainly felt like so for me. I couldn’t imagine kissing someone new. As exciting as new people and new experiences and new places can feel, I wanted to experience them with the half that was gone. I wanted the new with the old. How hard was that?
As days turn into weeks and weeks into months and so on, I return with good news- all of these emotions will fade. Don’t hold onto bitterness or anger or hurt. Inhale, exhale…one trembling foot in front of the other- just keep going. One day, you will kiss someone new. The earth may not move but you will have realized- you did move- forward and onwards!
READ: 10 Harsh Truths That Give You Control
Thank you for reading. Buy me coffee?
Please turn on Email Notification for my next post
