Navigating the workplace after maternity leave — Part 1
You have been a fabulous career woman so far: acing it at work, navigating deliverables through your pregnancy, and managing to be professional through it all. And then comes the maternity leave. If you are in India, you get six months of paid maternity leave. As your precious maternity leave nears its end, you’re experiencing conflicting emotions about what’s to come. It’s as though your heart is torn between the joy of rejoining work and the sadness of leaving your little one behind
It is hard, and before we talk about the next steps — let me send some virtual hugs your way. It has not been easy — the fourth trimester, the sleepless nights, learning how to keep a new human being alive, and learning to embrace the current version of you. And just when it feels like you have got the hang of this, your career seems to be beckoning again.
I see you, and I can feel the anxiety in your heart. I know what it feels like to crave intelligent conversation beyond the baby, while simultaneously loving your baby to bits. I know how much you miss being seen as "you," beyond being a mom. I also feel the guilt that may be coming up, even as you acknowledge it to yourself. I have felt all of this, and so much more too. Every single mother who is out there pursuing a career has felt this way, and I want to start by saying, “Welcome to the sisterhood." "We've got your back."
One of my biggest complaints, when I became a mom, was, “Why didn’t someone tell me about this earlier”. If you have felt this way too, it changes today. I am going to lay it out straight to you so that you know what is coming your way. More importantly, this article will also lay out my learnings and my tips from having walked this journey twice over. Here is the headline: It is not going to be easy, but it is worth it. Most importantly, You have the power to shape it. Let’s talk details
#1. It is not going to be easy: As mothers, we typically worry about the baby and their routine when preparing for the big transition back to work. We obsess about the support system, their feeding routine, and who will take care of them. We miss out on thinking about the other important person in the center of it — we forget to think about ourselves, and how we will adjust to the new rhythm of things. If that made you pause, let me share some things that you may experience when you get back to work:
Mommy brain: Over the past six months, your brain literally rewired itself so that you could learn how to keep a newborn alive. Today, you can recall baby-related stuff in a heartbeat. This rewiring, however, also means that recollecting work-related information will take time. Imagine yourself at work, You may be in the middle of an engaging conversation talking about things you always knew. Suddenly you find yourself trying hard to remember the right word to add that important perspective, and it doesn’t come to you. It can be frustrating, and when it finally appears on your tongue, the moment may have passed and you may wonder why it took so long. Take heart; it happens. Your brain is also learning to switch gears
Imposter Syndrome: As you step back into meetings and work conversations, you may find people talking about things that you no longer have context for. You may feel out of place, and may even feel people didn’t even notice that you were gone. At these little junctures, the imposter syndrome is likely to crop up and erode your confidence. if you miss reining it in, it will grow and make you doubt your own capabilities. You will wonder if you made the right decision and the imposter syndrome will lead you astray.
Mommy guilt: As you try to find your feet again, there will be moments when you will miss your baby and wonder what they are doing. You may think about calling to check on them or taking a quick peek at the camera footage. Your heart will ache as you see the little one then. As you pull yourself away from this, someone will come over to talk to you, and then they will only talk about the baby. It is hard, and it never gets easier. Maybe, I will write about my trysts with mommy guilt in a separate blog?
Well-meaning concern: As you have likely realized, motherhood comes with a side serving of unsolicited advice. At get-togethers, family and friends will adore your baby and slyly wonder whether you even need to return to work. They will talk about how a baby really needs their mom in the early years, that your spouse probably makes enough, and you can always go back later. They will leave you doubting your intent, and you will wonder if they are right.
In addition to all this, consider how you feel about yourself. You may still be experiencing physical discomfort and may be coming to terms with the way you currently look. It may feel like you have nothing appropriate to wear. I remember hating my body at some point, and wondering if I had let myself go. There is a lot going on inside and outside of you, and you may be at a loss for words. All of it makes you vulnerable.
Now, when you take all of this and add it to the context of your workplace, things get even more complicated. A lot of workplaces have a competitive culture, and vulnerability is seen as a weakness. As a new mother, you may face maternal bias or even a maternity penalty. This could show up as a token increase in salary, a missed promotion, conversations that solely focus on your baby and support situation (and the sly judgment that comes with it), assumptions about what type of work is ‘appropriate’ for a new mother, or being assigned work that doesn’t inspire you.
Even if your organization is more supportive, the emotional challenges can still be difficult to navigate. This transition back to work will require a great deal of courage, kindness, and support. It will mean acknowledging your limits as a human being instead of trying to be a superwoman. Remember that whatever decision you make for yourself and your family is the best choice for your career as well
#2. It is still worth it: Our kids don’t need a perfect mother. They need someone who is happy. Kids remember the quality time we spend with them. They value when they get our undivided attention, and they value when they see us smile more often. None of these are possible if we are not happy with the decision we make. My vocation has always been an integral part of my identity, and I am a happier, more present mother because I choose to continue my career.
Another thing that makes it worth it, is the fact that this choice helps me and my spouse model a more gender-equal relationship. Our kids imbibe gender norms and normalize how relationships work as early as 2 years of age. They perceive the dynamics between their parents and their surroundings to make conclusions about the wider world. Research says, going back to work after maternity helps our kids become more independent, and if you have a daughter, she is more likely to join the workforce too. These are 2 of the biggest reasons why I think it is worth it to pursue your career in the workforce.
Motherhood can make us redefine the kind of life we want to lead. A lot of women make changes to their career ambitions at this point. You may not want to continue in the same work if it is not supportive of your needs. You may opt for something that is more flexible, something more (or less) challenging, or decide to tread a completely new path. Some women rein in their ambitions and decide to take a break.
I would urge you to consider continuing your career in a shape or form that you deem appropriate. Stay in the workforce, and shape a career path that helps you lead the life you want instead of dropping off completely. Irrespective of how you shape your career, you make it easier to pass on the baton to the next generation of women who will shape the world after us.
#3. You have the power to shape it: When you are back at work, you have the power to respond to the plethora of challenges that may come your way. If you experience any form of maternity penalty back at work, your inner voice could range from “would they have done the same if I were a man” to “it is unfair, and not right”. The key is to claim your power at that moment, in that conversation and put a wedge into the cycle of things set in motion if you are not happy with it. Yes, it is hard, especially when you are coming back to work at a vulnerable time in your life. I have more specific tips on how to navigate these challenges in the second part of this series.
Why am I stopping here? Because all that I have shared is heavy stuff. I want to pause here and give you some time to process your own feelings about the upcoming transition. Think about who you want to rely on, and how you will create the support system that can enable you to pursue a career while also being an amazing mom.
Most importantly, take this time to think about the kind of life you want for yourself and your family. Define your non-negotiables, define your needs, and let this reflection be the stepping stone for the next stage of your life
The second part is now out. You can access it here https://medium.com/@psweta86/navigating-the-workplace-after-maternity-leave-part-2-f360ddeeefe4
If you would like to read about how to prepare the baby for the upcoming transition, here are my thoughts : https://medium.com/@psweta86/back-to-work-baby-edition-a2e1099f457f
