Trans Safety During this (Latest) Anti-Trans Wave Series — Part 1 of 3: Where We Are and How We Got Here
This article is one of a three part series which includes:
My first real memory took hold when I was four. I was so upset that I could not play with the other girls in my neighborhood. They got to wear dresses and play with dolls. I however was expected to roughhouse with the boys. In the early ’60s we had no internet, or other means to understand things that were not part of local discourse. I lived in a small mountain town of less than two thousand. There was no public LGBT conversation unless it was to whisper in disgust about the one gay man in town. I had no idea that I was not the only human being that felt wrongly gendered. I was isolated and on my own. I did not, in any way, feel safe. The few times that I expressed interest in girls’ things I got clear messaging with extreme prejudice that wanting to be feminine and to do feminine things was not okay. That clear messaging sent me deep into the closet and on a more than three-decade journey pretending to be a man’s man. I was wildly successful at that pretense, socially honored, … and absolutely miserable!
Now I am closing in on three decades living in my rightful expression as a woman. I am watching the right wing of the country [USA] pushing legislation that limits and erases trans people. The social conversation about trans people is underwritten by trans-exclusionary radical feminist [TERF] ideology that positions trans people as, at best, deluded and at worst mentally ill. The right, driven by MAGA and white Christian nationalists, are framing transgender folk as sexually aggressive, militant, and predatory. Interestingly, this seems to me to be a projection of that very culture of toxic-masculinity that the MAGA seems to worship. But, I’ll get into that a bit more later.
In my life I have seen the pendulum swing from extreme to extreme multiple times. Progress… retract… progress… retract. However, this current anti-trans swing feels more existential. This sense of dread is not because trans people are once again in the crosshairs. That is par for the course. We are a small, extremely heterogeneous, socio-economically diverse, constituency that has crossed one of society’s biggest taboos — gender. We are an easy target. (1) Rather, my anxieties lie with this current movement because it is also committed to tearing down the political institutions that provide the guardrails for society. So the big question for us to answer is, “How do we trans folks, and our allies, ensure our safety?”
Note1: As of 2023, 1.03% of USA adult population identifies as transgender, which equates to approximately 2.6M.
Living While Trans
By and large, trans people are just trying to get through our day. Like everyone else, we want a satisfying life, girding ourselves to tackle each day, performing satisfying work, enjoying our families and chosen communities, and finally relaxing in our homes when the day is done. Like most people, when we go to the restroom we want to do our business and get on with our day. Most certainly ‘bad’ trans people exist, just as there are bad people in every demographic. However, the overwhelming majority of us are decent people just trying to live our lives.
This article goes out to those trans folks and our allies. The concepts and call-to-action in this article are provided as a way for us to reposition ourselves and engage those who are not our friends. However, before I get on my soapbox I need to mention a few caveats. I am decidedly trans and quite out about it. However, had I come out as a child odds are that I would not have made it to adulthood. I do not say this as a point of drama. Rather, I say this as a matter of fact given where I grew up and the predominant U.S. culture in the ’60s. On the other hand, as an adult trans woman, I have had a rarified existence. In other words, I have experienced both surviving as an under-resourced kid in a life-threatening situation, and thriving as a highly resourced adult in the bubble of trans safety that the San Francisco Bay Area provides.
I am white appearing. I am part Native American and a reservation veteran, although you would not know it if you looked at me. I am college educated with an undergrad B.S. in engineering and an MBA. I have spent the better part of my career in the San Francisco Bay Area bubble working in the tech industry which has become increasingly more inclusive over the years. I am paid well, am well traveled having spent significant time on many continents, and am highly networked both professionally and personally. The bottom line is that I am highly resourced and quite empowered in my life. So, as we wade into this missive, I do so recognizing that what I am asking of the trans community is ‘easy for me to say.’
Most trans people are not as resourced to take on a forever-cause, and many are not used to exposing themselves, as a movement voice, to that level of negative scrutiny. My wife, who is the first-generation European daughter of immigrant parents, regularly points out my privilege and entitlement simply as a citizen of a western country with the choices and resources I have at my disposal.
Most transgender people do not have my advantages. Many of us, especially those that came out in their youth, are under fire from first memories, often rejected by their families and derided by school mates. In that negative environment they had difficulty developing healthy life skills and basic work skills. Due to these early life distractions, they often do poorly in school. Additionally, many are refugees, having escaped horrible circumstances to be here. Almost 31,000 LGBT people sought asylum in the U.S. between 2012 and 2017. As they reach adulthood they are often in survival mode and living hand-to-mouth, not exactly well positioned for self empowerment. These comments are not to say that the U.S. or the western world is safe. The western world is simply safer. So, while the discussion below assumes no socio-economic class position, I acknowledge up front that much of what I say will be a difficult reach for many. So we are counting on our better-resourced community members and allies.
Dealing with the Existential Threat
Through 2019, we experienced a low level of state anti-trans legislation. 2020 saw the beginning of a surge that targeted healthcare, education, and other trans-supporting arenas. Anti-trans legislation has ranged from 24 bills in 2020 to 35 bills in 2022. The Dobbs (2) decision, published by the Supreme Court in June 2022, released the kraken. In 2023 we saw 185 trans healthcare target bills and 132 so far in 2024. The often unspoken, occasionally spoken, aim is to curtail, and in some cases entirely erase, trans people from the state taking away access to medical care, use of public facilities and other norms of existence. The threat here is fundamental — these states are trying to legally define and practically bully us out of existence.
Note2: Dobbs vs. Jackson argued that the Constitution does not provide a right to abortion. The impact was decisive and immediate, resulting in states either reactivating current anti-abortion state laws or passing draconian measures. It had the knock on effect of putting into question all Supreme Court decisions that settled matters without federal protective legislation such as LGBT marriage, etc. Since anti-trans sentiment was high among MAGA supporters, anti-trans legislation in red states exploded.
What do we do about it? Well, I have already experienced this situation. Note our LGBT history. It has only been ‘safe’ to be LGBT for the last two decades. Before that we were explicitly separate and not equal. Trans rights legislation is a relatively new phenomenon, with the first trans rights bills passed in local municipalities in the mid-2000s. Currently, the right is aiming to socially and legally peel trans issues back to the ’50s / 60s sentiment.
The above table indicates that things have generally gotten better for trans folks through the decades. So why am I going on about safety? While the conditions for us today are far better than they were even in the 90s, over the past few years trans people have been targeted by the right in the media and legislatively. As of this writing, Transgender adult access to care has been disrupted or discontinued for 24% of the trans population.
What Do We Mean by Safety?
In late 2022 I attended a company sponsored trans safety talk. I was excited by the topic and felt it was much needed given the media shift toward highlighting the white Christian nationalist / MAGA anti-trans talking points. The speaker presented a very well-developed talk on pronoun usage. This talk provided important guidance for ensuring the emotional safety of trans people, aimed towards a supportive, friendly audience. Since the audience is friendly, it is an education issue. [We’ll discuss audiences in detail later.] However, it left a much more pressing safety issue on the table — our physical safety and security.
I was and continue to be more concerned about the unfriendly audiences at our door, and dealing with the existential threat they pose. To understand why I prioritize the physical safety and security issues, let me introduce a more nuanced framing of safety via Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. This framework is a motivational psychological theory comprising a five-tier model of human needs, often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid. Tiers include physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self actualization needs.
To simplify the tiers, they equate to:
- Survival — True existential considerations about simply staying alive and physically secure. [Includes the two bottom tiers — physiological and safety needs.
- Acceptance — Being embraced by your community. [The love and belonging tier.]
- Reaching Full Potential — Actively exerting power to fulfill your life’s passions. [Includes the two top tiers — Esteem and Self-Actualization tiers]
Per the theory, an individual cannot fully ascend to the next higher tier unless the bottom tiers are fully met. The ‘safety’ being addressed with pronoun usage is psychological safety, striking at the Love and Belonging tier providing acceptance through respect and acknowledgement. For this article, we are focused on survival and acceptance.
This audience for the pronouns talk was actively supportive and inclusive. Hostile audiences could not care less about pronouns and in fact will purposefully misuse them to hurt targeted trans folks. Education does nothing to shift a hostile audience.
The talk provided no guidance for dealing with the metaphorical mob coming for us, with pitchforks and torches. I am deeply concerned with the survival of the trans community. I am not saying this hyperbolically. We live in a world of anti-trans targeting and legislative efforts to limit and, in some cases, erase us. In many countries we can be jailed or even executed just for being trans. We live in a world where our survival is not assured. My greatest concern, and the theme of this article is ensuring our long-term survival. Engaging hostile folks seems to me the urgent and necessary effort at this moment in history.
If you buy into that position, the palpable next question is, who needs to engage these hostile folks? I asked the speaker during the question and answer period about the existential safety issues. Their response was that many trans people do not want to tackle those bigger issues. They just want to live their lives. I was flummoxed by that answer. If not us, then who? Our allies? Our politicians? I get the instinct to just live my life, unburdened of the broader trends. However, I believe the group that is best positioned, and in whose best interest it is, to make a meaningful dent in this current hostile wave — is us.
We trans folks, and most progressive folks, want an inclusive, equitable society that is strengthened by our diversity. This ideal resonates for me. However, not everyone is comfortable with change and differences. That is true of every population including our LGBTQIA community. Additionally, there is a small, vocal, highly active faction that is committed to an exclusive and generally homogeneous society that either wants us to ‘fit in’ and be like them, or suffer exile. For this latter faction, the best deal that they are offering is ‘separate but equal’. The worst deal is exile or death.
Should you think that I am overstating the problem, let me point to the Black American community’s continued challenges to fully integrate into the broader national community. Black people just want to live their lives, yet waking up Black in America requires efforts above and beyond ‘just living.’ The Civil Rights Act was passed in 1964. Since then we have had a Black president for eight years. Yet, Black parents still have to give their children ‘the talk’ about dealing with the police (3) and engaging with other authorities such as teachers, etc. The work is not done for the Black community and its allies. In many ways, the trans community is still early in that journey to equality. We are far from fully integrated.
Note3: Black men and women, as well as American Indian/Alaska Native men and women, and Latino men have a much higher lifetime risk of being killed by police than their white counterparts. The highest risk, however, was among Black men who face a one in 1000 chance of being killed by police over their lifetime
In my mind, we are our own saviors. It is up to us to turn the tide. Being queer, and especially trans, in today’s socio-political environment is not a spectator position. There is plenty for us to do in terms of advocating via lobbying, engaging industry and social enterprises, updating educational modes, and continuing to provide realistic, three dimensional images in media. Perhaps most importantly and the easiest for our entire community to do, is in healthy 1:1 engagements with those less comfortable with trans folks. We need to be at the forefront of engaging with those that seek to constrain and/or eliminate us.
The Situation in Front of Us
We LGBTQIA activists tend to bring a bucket of facts to an emotional knife fight. It is a sure way to lose while we are feeling righteously indignant about having the data to back ourselves up. In some of my technical writing I have discussed the differences between belief and reason-based scientific inquiry. They are two different ways to address life’s ‘whys’. Here is an extract of the concepts.
Belief vs. Scientific Reason
I’m a big fan of scientific reason. It makes sense to me to, in deep curiosity, come up with a hypothesis for how things work and then test both to confirm or break the hypothesis. I would call ‘beliefs’ formed from a rational analysis of information and/or data — a hypothesis. Belief, as we are defining it, starts with an unprovable claim, which will by its nature never be proven. Belief is a pure act of faith and is powerful in its own right.
Something Doesn’t have to be True to Believe in it
In the 2003 movie, ‘Secondhand Lions,” Hub told his grand nephew,
“If you want to believe in something, believe in it. Just because something ain’t true doesn’t mean you can’t believe in it. Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love… true love never dies. …. It doesn’t matter if they’re true or not, you see, a man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in.” — Hub McCann
Beliefs in and of themselves are neither good or bad. They are, however, an irrefutable foundation for human behaviors. Beliefs are not powerful because they are factually true. Beliefs are powerful because they point us in a direction, give us a point of view, provide us something to reach for and aspire to. Regardless of where you come from, what your experiences are, or what spiritual practices you have or don’t have, belief is a powerful driver.
Beliefs are immune to facts. No matter what LGBTQIA facts I might bring to someone that believes being trans is a deviant illness, the facts will not impact the belief. Those that hold those beliefs believe that they are worth believing in. If beliefs create our foundation, our emotions are the weather system that announces those beliefs.
In their book ‘Switch’, Chip and Dan Heath draw a wonderful metaphor for emotional and rational behaviors. In the metaphor, an elephant represents emotions and the elephant rider represents rational thought. Rational thought [the rider] is in charge as long as the emotions [the elephant] are aligned in a way that allows the rider to direct the elephant. If the elephant becomes upset, angry, afraid, or even irritated, the rider instantly becomes irrelevant. To shift people’s thinking we need to shift their mindset. Attitudes will not change if we do nothing or simply recite facts. We need to tap into their beliefs and emotions.
Shame is the Real Enemy
In the next section we describe the various factions with which we are dealing, in the process defining our enemy. Before we get to that, we need to address trans folks’ most powerful enemy as not external or human. Rather, it is our own belief system and emotional state. Trans folks’ greatest enemy is shame. To be clear, when I say shame, I mean a sense of inadequacy and/or guilt based on the social messaging we receive which results in internalized transphobia.
We have received subtle and not-so-subtle messaging all of our lives that the gender binary is real and normal. There are men and there are women. That is the ‘norm’. Never shall the line be crossed. The dominant messaging that I received during my formative years was that anything out of that binary norm was deviant. ‘Deviant’ is a negatively loaded emotional judgment term tied to terms like ‘pervert’ and ‘degenerate’.
Word nerd warning. I am going to detour briefly to talk about the power of words. ‘Variation’ is an objective, unemotional term indicating a difference from the norm, in this case the binary. In statistics, a norm includes typical variations from the average. Variations are unusual but are within tolerances of a norm. We trans folk are a variation from the average binary. Nothing loaded there. Just acknowledging the facts.
Deviation on the other hand is a loaded term of judgment indicating a marked difference from an ‘accepted norm’ and inferring perversion or deviancy. Allowing ourselves to be labeled as ‘deviant’ is tantamount to accepting the yoke of shame for what we are.
Trans folks that were assigned male at birth [AMAB] have an additional point of shame. Most societies within which we live value masculinity and strength, equating it to power and dominating presence. For those of us who overtly prefer a feminine aesthetic, we are labeled weak and ineffectual. The short of it is that in masculinity-valuing cultures, femininity is a point of weakness and effeminacy a point of shame. I have lived my life as a woman in the world for nearly as long as I had presented as a man. I can say for sure that women are just as powerful as men, but operate very differently in wielding that power.
Our enemies want us framed in shame and to live in a ‘shame prison’. That way, we are begging for forgiveness to get a seat at the table. We do not need to beg. We are whole and complete people that happen to vary from the statistical norm. A seat at the table is ours to have. However, we need to shift the framing away from shame to confidence as a whole, unique individuals capable of great contributions to society.
The Insidiousness of Entitlement & Grievance
Currently, the trans world is dealing with two key factions whose stated goals are to exclude and/or eliminate us — White Christian Nationalists [WCN] and Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists [TERFs].
White Christian Nationalism — White Christian nationalism [WCN] has its foundation in the Southern states. Colin Woodard, in his book ‘American Nations, A History of the Eleven Rival Regional Cultures of North America,’ describes eleven distinct regional cultures spanning Canada, the United States, and Mexico. Each of the regions has a unique culture based on how that region developed, and the type of people that were drawn to it in the early beginnings of that area.
There are two cultures that lean into the WCN foundational beliefs. The first is the culture of the upper eastern southern states — Virginia and the Carolinas were developed by the English landed gentry that believed that they were the chosen class that should run things. In the deep South, Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama had their cultural foundations in the Caribbean slave culture that tied itself tightly to cruel slaving overlords that used their Christianity as the justification for their superiority. The bottom line is that WCN folks believe that their worldview needs to be everyone’s worldview, and that they are entitled to a superior position. Because these folks celebrate aggression and equate brutishness to power, toxic masculinity is lauded in this culture. Trans people are oppressed by this group under the rationale that, “God doesn’t make mistakes. Trans women are specifically scorned as representing the ‘social feminization’ phenomena against which they are railing.
Grievance: The increasing diversity of our culture threatens their superior positioning in a masculine-dominated culture, and the religious aspect justifies them to assert that anything not them is sinful and heretical.
Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists [TERFs] — See men as perpetrators against which they need to establish boundaries and safe spaces that exclude men. They also see trans folks as deluded and / or mentally ill. They believe trans women are simply deluded men. In other words, there is no such thing as trans people.
Grievance: These deluded men are attempting to infiltrate and overthrow the female safe spaces.
At their root the grievance is the same. “We are the righteous people attempting to protect what’s ours from the unrighteous predators, barbarians at the gate.” They feel both aggrieved and righteous. It is a Herculean effort to cut through that narrative. Bringing facts to that fight will not win the day.
The arguments against trans people generally take the form of either blame or scapegoating:
- Blame: Trans people are destroying the fabric of society, [the same argument used by Phyllis Schlafly and the conservative right of the 1970s against the Equal rights Amendment and the Gay rights movement.]
- Scapegoating: Trans people are predators grooming our children, or the less direct, the feminization of America is making us less powerful in the world, [accusation with no factual basis.]
The arguments against us take the form of trans people dismissing us as not real, labeling us as dangerous, framing us as infantile, and/or that we have limited capacity. Some of the popular taking points include:
- Trans women are simply men attempting to infiltrate and dominate women’s safe spaces. [don’t exist and are a dangerous predator]. A 2-pointer argument.
- Young people claiming to be trans are simply confused and victims of trans predator grooming, [infantilization and trans as predators]. Another 2-fer argument.
- Trans people can do their thing but are separate from ‘normal’ society, [separate and maybe equal argument that limits society engagement]. Another form of this limited capacity argument is the, not publicly spoken, I want sex with that person but no public association.
The Takeaways
The Make America Great Again [MAGA] and Trans-exclusionary Radical Feminist [TERF] movements have the trans community in their collective cross-hairs. They are actively seeking to oppress, exclude and, in some cases, erase trans people through state and federal legislation. This attack is existential to the trans community and is a threat to all of us even if we are in blue states and / or trans safe regional bubbles like the San Francisco Bay Area. The reason that it is all of our fight is because if we are fighting just to have our existence acknowledged, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to make headway in being included and accepted in the broader community. While community and political allies can help us, the fight is the trans community’s to win.
We Need to Focus on Existential Safety
There are multiple levels of safety that we are dealing with in terms of existential and emotional safety
- Survival — True existential considerations about simply staying alive and physically secure.
- Acceptance — Being embraced by your community.
- Reaching Full Potential — Actively exerting power to fulfill your life’s passions.
For this discussion we are focused at the survival level by engaging our detractors at multiple levels.
Shifting Our Opponents Means Understanding & Addressing Their Beliefs
Beliefs are immune to facts. To shift people’s thinking we need to shift their mindset. Attitudes will not change if we do nothing or simply recite facts. We need to tap into their beliefs and emotions. We address the ‘how’ to shift our opponents into allies in the next article ‘Where Do We Go from Here?’
You can find the next article in this Trans Safety During this (Latest) Anti-Trans Wave series at ‘Where Do We Go from Here?’