Trans Safety During this (Latest) Anti-Trans Wave Series — Part 3 of 3: Trans Truths, Myths & Facts
This article is one of a three part series which includes:
Although within the first two articles of this series we have repeatedly indicated that confronting detractors with facts does nothing to shift their position, truths and facts are important once we have engaged our opponents. Below is a compilation of fact- and experience-based truths, myths and corrective facts for your reference. This information is extremely useful once an opponent is engaged and their trans-beliefs are starting to shift.
Trans Truths
Important things to know about trans folks and their engagement with society.
Transphobia is real and has a body count.
Trans people are regularly being murdered for simply being trans.
Trans folks are often objectified and fetishized.
Often those that most aggressively seek us out are seeking to satisfy sexual desires that they would never want family and friends to know about. These people are not our friends or allies. They use us behind closed doors but would not want to be publicly associated with us. Some even publicly oppose us.
Trans media positioning was historically horrible.
Prior to the 2010s — Trans folks in media largely fell into one of two stereotypes — sex worker [Strella, Q&A, The Crying Game], or serial killer [Dressed to Kill, Silence of the Lambs, Transamerican Killer] — with an occasional tragic drama [Soldier’s Girl, Transamerica, Boys Don’t Cry] thrown in for good measure.
The 2010s — The 2010s saw an uptick in positive media portrayals in movies [Dallas Buyers Club, The Danish Girl, Boy Meets Girl, A Fantastic Woman], shows [Sense8, Pose, Transparent] and published media [Vanity Fair’s August 2015 ‘The Trangender Moment’ article]. The portrayals moved away from stereotypes and unveiled three-dimensional characters. Ironically, when Caitlyn Jenner came out in 2015 the trans phenomena experienced a bright and positive spotlight for a period. I say ironically because her political and social positions are fairly anti-trans.
The 2020s — Amid surging anti-trans activism and GOP legislation, along with unfounded claims of grooming and predatory behavior, negative headlines dominate both news and social media.
Transitioning is HARD and requires a great deal of psychological safety.
Healthily navigating this difficult, expensive and confusing journey of transition requires a deep sense of safety and a broad support community. Essentially, no one has ever come out as trans to a passionately supportive family and community. In my experience, counseling parents of newly out trans teens, even the extremely supportive parents are initially skeptical of the truthfulness of their child’s claim. To be fair to these parents, they want to make sure that their child is truly trans, deal with their own uneasiness, worry for their child’s safety, and mourn the loss of their boy/girl as they move to something else. It’s a lot to manage.
Most trans youth do not have even that level of support, let alone psychological and medical professionals to help them navigate the choices in front of them. Without safety and support, their journey is infinitely more difficult.
Most societies impute deep shame for being transgender.
While attitudes are changing, messing with gender norms remains a taboo, that being transgender assumes a level of brokenness. The reflex, from those with little or no experience with gender dysphoria, is that something is broadly wrong with a transgender person’s decision making. “If they make this sort of decision for their life, their decision making must be faulty.” This attitude ascribes deep shame rooted in brokenness. For those assigned male at birth [AMAB], we are further shamed for our feminine expression in that many cultures equate femininity with weakness.
With the continuous shame messaging from society at large, it is difficult, perhaps impossible, to not internalize some level of transphobia and shame. This internalized shame results in trans folks remaining in the closet or only expressing their true nature ‘on the downlow.’ This shame, which I believe is our greatest issue to tackle as trans people, may lead to self harm, suicide, or over compensation in the form of becoming a leading anti-trans voice. It’s a case of whoever smelt it dealt it.
Economics are a major factor in navigating transition and life after transition.
It is costly to undergo the available treatments for transgender people, let alone being able to afford psychological support for the journey. My great annoyance with Caitlyn Jenner’s trans fame is that she cannot possibly speak for the trans community at large and what they have had to do in the face of limited resources and support. She doesn’t even speak for me, and I am arguably closer to her situation than most.
Most trans folks do not have the training and experience to ‘take charge’ of their care.
As mentioned above, many trans folks do not feel like they have agency in pressing the legal and medical systems to support them on their own terms. For these folks navigating the processes that support their transition can be demeaning and frustrating.
Trans Folks, when engaging socially, have to pick their poison.
We trans folks have to choose from two strategies for engaging socially. Both have their challenges.
Open — Be completely open about being trans. Acknowledge being trans as a part of one’s standard way of operating. This does not mean metaphorically wearing a name badge with “I’m trans” on it. It does mean not avoiding the topic if it comes up, such as in dating apps or when job applications ask about your gender identity. The upside is that one carries no secrets. The trans person does not have to avoid conversations about their history, etc. The downside of this strategy is that you’re a target. In the most positive sense, whether it is welcome or not, people approach these public folk with trans questions. For someone like me, those approaches are welcome. For others, not so much. In the worst case, for anti-trans activists, we are easy targets for ostracism or harm.
Stealth — Keep the fact that you’re trans secret. This option is not available to all trans people. If you are a 6’5” trans woman with linebacker shoulders, being stealth is a challenge. For those able to be stealth because they blend in with others of their gender-identity, they are able to be socially engaged without trans being an immediate identifier. The downside is that, to be stealth, the individual has to keep their history under wraps among friends, and dating becomes a big challenge. While these stealth folks are able to navigate heteronormative situations and dating apps, at some point they will have to disclose to a potential suitor.
Regardless of which strategy a trans person chooses, we still want to be seen as and related to as our gender identity and expression. We want to be accepted and related to as that gender identity. That is who we truly are. Appropriate pronoun usage is just one of those signs of acceptance and respect.
Trans Myths & Facts
Remember, simply quoting these facts will not impact opponents and enemies on their own. As we engage opponents we need to recognize that our opponents may believe one or more of these myths.
Myth: Transgender people are failed men/women trying to compete where they can win.
Truth: We do not identify as our birth gender. Self aware trans people don’t want to engage and compete in their birth gender cohort in the first place. We can be powerful, capable people. Failure and shame have nothing to do with a transgender person’s choice of gender expression. Just the opposite, it takes incredible courage to openly express yourself when the world around you is hostile to that expression.
Myth: Transgender women want to infiltrate and take over ‘real’ women’s spaces.
Truth: We see ourselves as the gender that we identify with, want to be recognized that way, and attempt to live in the world as that gender. We want to be accepted. We do not want to force ourselves into space, let alone take them over. Simply being invited in is our heart’s desire.
Myth: Transgender people are predators seeking to use, abuse and convert your children.
Truth: 93.6% of U.S. sexual abuse offenders were men. 57.5% were White. On the other hand, one in two transgender individuals are sexually abused or assaulted at some point in their lives.
Myth: Woke makes us weak.
Truth: Inclusiveness, and specifically Diversity, Inclusion, & Equity [DEI] programs explore non-traditional communities to identify the best person for the situation. Inclusivity actually makes the organization / nation stronger. The OED defines Woke as ‘in a state of awareness or vigilance,’ but acknowledges that it is also used as a slur. Other definitions equate it to politically correct. The description that helps me to segregate different user-based definitions was in a Quora chat,
Supporter definition: Someone who has a deep understanding and empathy when it comes to social issues, particularly those relating to women, homosexuals, transgender, non-binary, and ethnic minorities. [alert to social injustice]
Detractor definition: Someone who is pretentiously acting superior by claiming to have a deeper understanding and empathy for social issues than everyone else around them. [calls everything social injustice for attention]”
Myth: Most transgender people detransition.
Truth: Most studies estimate detransition at 1% or less with many de-transitioners indicating that transition was a necessary aspect of their journey.
Myth: Children expressing gender dysphoria are confused or have been groomed.
Truth: Self identification is unique to the individual. My self identification at 4 years old did not waiver at any point regardless of my attempt to avoid it. NO one introduced the concept to me or groomed me into being trans. Social media and internet searches were not invented yet. I felt it from my first memory. For others it may take time and experience to sort out their true gender expression. Because self identification is intertwined with social expectations, and children are acutely aware of the social messaging for what is okay and not okay, the dissonance between self identification and social messaging may cause confusion.