Misty Rose: Nature
Chapter 22
Wasn’t much else that happened that month, so I’m just going to put a few things together into one entry. First one happened a few days after we’d had the Don’t Tempt Me talk. Me and Kaitlyn were sitting around talking about… I don’t even remember now. But we got interrupted by someone knocking on our door. Really loud. Way louder than someone really should at ten at night. I almost thought someone was trying to break in. Kaitlyn and I looked at each other.
“You get it,” Kaitlyn said. “Sounds like it’s for you.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I’m gettin’ it,” I said and went to the door. Couldn’t really see who was outside through the peephole because it was broken like I said. So I undid the locks and opened the door. Left the chain on, though. I looked out through the crack, and the guy standing there was… obviously military. Or trying really hard to look military. Army maybe? He sort of looked like… the guy movies tend to have playing the military hardass cliché, actually. Short brown hair, brown eyes, lots of muscles, you get the idea. Gray camo fatigues, though. And I could tell he was a vampire as soon as I saw him because of whatever it was that let me do that. Didn’t look like he was carrying a gun, but you never know with either military guys or vampires, so I didn’t trust what it looked like because this guy was both a vampire and military, I guess. Seemed… mostly human.
“Hi,” I said. “You knock loud.”
The army guy didn’t say anything, so I figured he was waiting for me to open the door. I shut it again, undid the chain, then opened the door for real. The guy was still there, still not talking. Only change was that he folded his arms, scowling at me like I’d done something wrong.
“Who are you?” I asked.
No response. Just more scowling.
“What’s with the camo?”
Nothing. I waited for a moment or two.
“Were you at the thing last week? Don’t remember you.”
Army guy still said nothing. I started getting a little annoyed.
“Nice haircut.”
No response. Just kept scowling at me.
“You in the army or somethin’?”
Guess what? He didn’t say anything.
“Say somethin’.”
That didn’t work either. I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah, see,” I said. “I dunno if you’ve forgotten, but humans don’t knock on someone’s door in the middle of the night to just glare at ’em and not say shit. Just sayin’.”
That got a response. Army guy grunted at me, got an even more scowly face, then turned on his heel and stomped away. I blinked a couple times. What the fuck?
“Hey!” I yelled after him. “Don’t just grunt at me and walk away! Come back here!”
I could see him moving down the block, then he turned the corner and was gone.
“Fucker,” I muttered to myself.
“Who was that?” Kaitlyn said.
“No idea,” I said, shutting the door and closing all the locks. Can’t be too careful “Some army guy. Just glared at me and walked away.”
“The fuck?”
“No clue. Vampires are weird.”
I honestly had no idea what to think of that. Army guy didn’t seem… hostile. But he wasn’t my friend either. I sort of felt… like he disapproved of me. You get that kind if thing from enough people, like the older Serious Business types, you get to recognize it pretty easy. So whatever army guy had been looking for, I didn’t have it. Which I hoped meant he’d leave me the fuck alone. I had enough problems without more fucked up vampires getting involved in my life, and the sort of person who’d do what army guy did seemed like the sort I didn’t want anything to do with.
Second thing was that I found out I’m not ticklish any more. Didn’t take too long after me and Kaitlyn had moved in together to find out both of our mothers did the Tickle Monster thing when we were little girls, and we’d just… get into tickle fights sometimes. Mostly when we’d been drinking and were giggly. We’d go back and forth for a while until one or the other of us would say she had to pee. Well, I said something that made Kaitlyn stick out her tongue at me, then she said something that got us pretend arguing like little girls, then somewhere in there I decided to call out the Tickle Monster, and she called out her own Tickle Monster, only I wasn’t ticklish anymore. Kaitlyn said it wasn’t fair. I tickled her until she had to pee. That kind of thing had been normal for us.
Third thing happened on a night when Kaitlyn had gone to visit her parents again. She said she was spending the night, so… I decided to, um… actually practice some pole dancing. The stupid pole Kaitlyn had installed had been staring at me again. You know what I mean. But I’d sort of been getting used to it, enough to feel like I could at least… maybe practice. A little. I’d found out that pole dancing was a thing some people, and not just women, would do for exercise. Not stripping at all. More like acrobatics. And… I sort of figured maybe I should do something to make myself more… coordinated. Less clumsy, anyway. But I wasn’t going to do it while Kaitlyn was there because I didn’t think she’d keep up the not looking at me that way thing. Or that she’d let go of me actually going and doing any kind of pole dancing. So when I woke up for that evening I texted Kaitlyn to see if she was actually at her parents, just to be sure. Then I changed into the kind of workout outfit I wouldn’t go outside in, ever, and pulled up some of the tutorial videos I’d found online. No music or heels, though. They weren’t actually necessary for the exercise version.
It’s a hell of a lot harder than it looks, I can say that much. I never really thought about how those girls were keeping their whole body weight up using just their hands and legs and like skin friction or whatever. Some of the tutorials were pretty good, and I got two or three hours of practice in. Yay for vampires not getting tired, yeah? That’s when things went to hell. I heard the locks being undone. Kaitlyn was home for some reason. I let go of the pole and jumped into my bed, holding my phone and trying to look like I’d just been laying around all night.
Kaitlyn came in the door and stopped dead, staring at me, and I suddenly felt like shit, everything we talked about just went out the window. Should have run for the bathroom and put on my robe, because I was basically wearing a sports bra and boyshorts. Not exactly the best thing to wear if I didn’t want Kaitlyn to not be interested in me, yeah? Couldn’t really think of anything to say, so I just… tried to pretend nothing was wrong.
“Thought you were stayin’ with your parents,” I said.
Kaitlyn unfroze and shut the door. “Changed my mind,” she said.
“Oh,” I shrugged and pretended to go back to looking at my phone.
“What’re you doing?” Kaitlyn asked.
“Nothin’.”
“Uh huh,” Kaitlyn said. “You’re a terrible liar.”
“So?”
“So what’s up with the outfit?”
“I’m at home. I can wear whatever I want.”
“Sure,” Kaitlyn said and walked over next to me. “But I think you’re up to something.”
“I’m not…” I started, but then Kaitlyn grabbed my phone out of my hands. “Hey!”
“Let’s see what you’ve been doing,” Kaitlyn said.
“I was just…”
Kaitlyn had started up what was up on my phone, one of the tutorial videos. I could tell because I could hear the instructor talking about the move she was teaching about. Kaitlyn watched a few seconds, then looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
“Fine,” I sighed. “I was… tryin’ some pole dancin’ moves.”
“You took the job?”
“No!” I said. “No, I’m just… well, okay, I’m practicin’. A little. Just in case.”
“Uh huh,” Kaitlyn put down her stuff and sat on her bed, looking at me.
“I’m still mad you put a pole in our apartment,” I said.
“’Course you are. But it’s handy.”
I rolled my eyes. Handy if I was a stripper. “I’m still mad.”
“How’s the practice going?” Kaitlyn asked.
“Don’t change the subject,” I said.
“Can I watch?”
“What? No!”
“I could give you pointers.”
“You don’t know how to do this.”
“No, but I could be your audience.”
I sighed. Kaitlyn might be just teasing me, but she had a point. “Fine,” I said. “But I’m only startin’ so don’t expect… a routine or whatever.”
“Want me to stick money in your garter?”
“Try it and I’ll stick it up your ass,” I gave her a look, then sighed. You’d think a vampire chick with a nasty animal in her head wouldn’t be so easy to push around, right? But this was me. “Okay, well… I wasn’t tryin’ anything hard. Just… simple stuff. Beginner. Gimme my phone, please?”
Kaitlyn nodded and handed it over, watching me. I pulled up the beginner site I’d been looking at earlier and looked at the moves I at least felt like I’d gotten right. Then I went through a few of them, telling Kaitlyn what they were and commenting on stuff about them. You know, where I had to hold and how hard they were. Oh, and just in case she was forgetting I pointed out that I could only do some of those moves because I was a vampire. Not kidding about that. Before I got turned, I wouldn’t have been strong enough to actually do any of the ones that meant I was holding my weight off the ground. And I would have gotten tired pretty quick. Kaitlyn mostly didn’t make any jokes. Mostly. The one called a pole sit made her make a dick joke and remind me what I was supposed to treat the pole like. Got her back, though. She was sitting close enough that I almost got her with my foot doing one move called a fan kick. That got her attention and she stopped making jokes for a little while.
“And that’s… almost all of what I’ve tried,” I said eventually. “Just startin’.”
“Huh,” Kaitlyn said. “Didn’t know you could do stuff like this.”
“I couldn’t. Maybe bein’ a vampire makes me more coordinated.”
Kaitlyn nodded. “I just had one question.”
“Hmm?”
“If you keep this up, can I start calling you Stripula?”
“No,” I glared at her.
“Aww,” Kaitlyn said, making a sad face. “You don’t like the joke?”
“I’m laughin’ like hell inside,” I said, still glaring. “This is my ‘appreciatin’ Kaitlyn’s fuckin’ vampire stripper jokes’ face.” I walked around to the side of the pole away from her.
“Oh, come on,” Kaitlyn said. “It wasn’t that bad.”
I didn’t respond to that. Instead I jumped at the pole. I was trying to do one of the moves where you actually spin around the pole, so I needed the jump. But… something went very wrong. Not sure exactly how it happened, but instead of spinning around the pole I sort of… half lost my grip and wound up falling off. Upside down. Right onto my head. Sort of tangled around the pole.
“Shit!” I yelled. “Ow…”
“Ohmygod!” Kaitlyn said, jumping up. “Are you okay?”
I sighed and untangled myself. “Yeah. Practice over for tonight.”
“Why?”
“’Cause the vampire chick just fell on her head, that’s why.”
And that was it for the dance pole practice for a little while. Whole thing was embarrassing and I still wasn’t sure I was going to take the job at all. And… I was kind of stalling. Hoping that Mr. Lewis would find someone else to be the Girl Next Door for his fucking club. That way I could decide not to do it without really deciding not to do it. It’s stupid, but… that’s how I felt.
Next thing was a couple nights later. Wasn’t out hunting, wasn’t anywhere special. I was just in the laundromat at like three in the morning. Clothes still got to be washed, and we didn’t have a machine for that in the apartment. I was just sitting there, waiting on a load. Looking at my phone and trying to avoid the only other person there, this… I don’t know, kind of dorky guy. Sort of looked like a student, someone taking computer classes or something. But I wasn’t interested, and there were a bunch of cameras inside that laundromat anyway. So I was slouched down in my hoodie with my earbuds in, just trying to pretend there was no one else there. At least until a guy came running in.
He looked… well, it took me all of a second to figure out he was going to rob us. The way he came in with a gun out and something covering his face was a pretty good clue. Who robs people in a laundromat at three in the morning? In any case, that’s what he did. I wasn’t scared, of course. But I wasn’t sure what I’d do because of all the cameras and computer dork being right there.
Mugger guy waved his gun around and shouted something I didn’t really hear, and computer boy started getting out his wallet and phone. I looked at them a moment, then pulled out my earbuds.
“What?” I said.
“I said give me your wallets and phones!” the mugger yelled at me.
“No wallet,” I said. “Just a bag of coins for the machines.”
“Lemme see! Empty out your pockets!” the mugger screamed. Jesus.
I sighed and tried to turn my hoodie pockets inside out, which didn’t really work because it was a hoodie with that, you know, tube pouch thing in front, then lifted my hoodie up so he could see my leggings didn’t have any pockets. Which was probably not a smart thing, but whatever. The mugger watched me, then grabbed my coin purse and phone. Then he stood there looking at me like he was trying to think. Great, I was thinking. Here it comes. He’s going to decide to rape the cute girl.
“You!” the mugger finally said, pointing his gun at me. “You’re comin’ with me.”
I looked at his gun. Not the biggest gun some asshole had pointed at me since I got turned. “You sure? I don’t think you can handle me with a tiny little thing like that.” Yeah, yeah, tiny dick joke. But he was annoying me. I talk shit when I’m annoyed.
“You shut up!” the mugger yelled and grabbed me, jamming the gun into my side. I sighed and rolled my eyes. The mugger started to drag me out the door, and I saw computer dork looking at us like he knew what was going to happen. And like he wanted to stop it but couldn’t, so a few points to him, but I really didn’t need him trying to rescue the damsel in distress. So I didn’t really fight back. Just let the mugger drag me out the door, and into the alley next to the laundromat, as it turned out. Sometimes I wonder if it was really the muggers who designed how this city is laid out.
Fine by me. Didn’t really feel like a long walk back. The mugger shoved me away and down to the ground, then actually stopped pointing his gun at me so he could start trying to get his pants open. Still had the gun in his hand though, so he was having some trouble, and was too distracted to notice when the girl he probably thought was too scared to fight kicked up from the ground straight into his balls. Had about the expected effect. He did manage to shoot his gun once, but he didn’t hit anything but a crate down the alley. But he really couldn’t fight back, so knocking him out was easy. Then I drank some of his blood and took the cash from his wallet. Wasn’t much, but it was better than nothing. I also dropped his little gun down a grate and grabbed the computer guy’s wallet and our phones.
Then I went back to the laundromat. The computer guy was still there, and he looked confused as fuck when I walked back in looking bored and tossed him his wallet and phone. Pretty sure he’d heard the gunshot because we hadn’t gone far, but I wasn’t gonna explain anything to him. Not what happened, and not why I had some blood on the front of my hoodie now. The less I talked, the less I’d have to lie, and I’m a shitty liar. So I went back to my chair and sat down. I picked up my earbuds again and looked at the computer guy.
“What?” I said. Tried to sound bored, but he probably thought I was hostile anyway.
He didn’t say anything, so I just shrugged and put back in my earbuds and went back to pretending there wasn’t anyone else around me. By the time all my clothes were done, he’d picked up his stuff and left. He was probably going to tell people about what happened, but he didn’t know anything really, and I doubt anyone would believe him. So no big deal.
Last thing wasn’t really a big deal, but it kind of shows the shit I put up with from Kaitlyn. She was laying on her bed listening to music on her phone. On the speaker, so I could hear it too. I didn’t mind, we mostly liked the same stuff. Some pop, lot of electronica and house. Dance music, you know? This time though she was listening to some stuff that sounded… old? Like, I don’t know, from a movie about the twenties or something. Which was kind of weird.
“Whatcha listenin’ to?” I asked.
“It’s called electro-swing,” Kaitlyn said.
“Never heard of it,” I said. I listened to the song for a little bit. “Huh. Not bad.”
Kaitlyn nodded and picked another song to play. That one was pretty good too.
“What else didya find?” I asked.
Kaitlyn started up another song and moved a bit closer so I could hear better. The lyrics started talking about some guy named Romeo. Stuff that made me think of twenties mafia movies. I was enjoying it until it started talking about a dame named Geraldine… who turned out to be a stripper. I just gave Kaitlyn a flat look.
“What?” she said, giving me an innocent face.
“Kaitlyn,” I said. “The song’s about a stripper. Why?”
“I didn’t write it.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Oh,” Kaitlyn shrugged. “I thought maybe you still needed some audition music. It’s not the normal sorta stuff they use, but it’s got a good beat for dancing.”
I sighed and put my head face down on my bed. “I don’t even know if I’m takin’ the job.”
“Yeah, but still. You could use it to practice, too.”
Clearly, Kaitlyn wasn’t giving up the idea, so maybe it was best to just move on. “Alright,” I said. “Thanks, but I can find my own music. If I need it.”
“I’m happy to help if you want,” Kaitlyn said.
“I’ll let you know.”
“Okay.”
“Besides,” I said. “I don’t even like Geraldine as a name.”
“Why?” Kaitlyn said.
“I dunno. I just don’t.”
Yeah, I didn’t have to use Geraldine as a… dance name? Pole name? Whatever. But I figured it would bug me when I was listening to the song. If I ever did again. And I was just playing along anyway, so I didn’t have to use the song at all if I didn’t want. Or take the job.
