Why Most People Will Never Have Great Relationships
Justifying the fear around getting âpinned downâ in a relationship.
We all envy people who can switch ropes and swing from one relationship to the other.
However this isnât the case for everyone. Some individuals have ruled out any possibility of having a great relationship.
The idea of forming healthy and meaningful interpersonal connections and even falling in love seems impossible.
In some cases, men and women have been in dysfunctional relationships all their lives. Sometimes to the extent of experiencing an abusive relationship in the process.
They crave meaningful, intimate and genuine conversations but canât seem to escape this curse.
What if I say there is a distinct reason behind it?
Your childhood years.
As children your first love was your parents. Their actions were god-like figures sent to direct, guide and mold us into responsible human beings but what if we donât?
They are flesh, they will fail or lack in some areas.
We obey them respectfully and pour immense love and devotion into making them happy. Tragically some get burned in the process. Whatever experiences we take it into the real world and it starts to show in her later years.
Wiring starts at home. Some may argue that they initially picked up negative traits from their significant other.
What they fail to realize is that they might have been wired wrongly.
In therapy sessions it is common for the counselor to ask you to describe your early childhood stages.
The reason for this is that they recognize that understanding their patientâs emotional and mental health issues is dependent on understanding the developmental stages.
Your life becomes a map that guides you on your healing journey.
The formative years, those ones that happened behind closed doors either make or break you.
Relationships usually form easily for children who were loved, supported, guided in the right direction, disciplined (but not tortured) and given space to make mistakes as children.
They understand the importance of setting boundaries, self awareness, personal growth, communication, empathy, trusting their instincts, and vulnerability. Simply spread love, care, sympathy and joy shown from their parents to their children, friends and others.
Parenting needs to be effective for children to have healthy romantic relationships. This illustrates how upbringing affects relationships.
The absence of physical, verbal, emotional and psychological violence enables people to sustain a successful relationship. They are influenced by positive experiences within family dynamics.
It is the first intimate relationship in your life where you learn how to communicate and resolve disagreements constructively, according to the National Institutes of Health.
How does growing up in a toxic family affect you?
Those who were raised in toxic environments tend to develop low self-esteem, they may self sabotage, lack trust, have severe anxiety, develop a fear of intimacy and have difficulty maintaining close relationships.
One of the most helpful ways they deal with this pain is through isolation.
They put little to no effort into pursuing a relationship, friendship, or mutual connection to shield themselves from rejection.
Growing up around overreacting parents is a clear sign of toxicity. They may get upset over insignificant things and breed fear and anxiety in the child.
As a result of their parentsâ inconsistent and irrational behavior, they grew up on eggshells.
They second-guess themselves feel irritable, and exhibit restlessness because of the unstable environment they grew up in and the lack of security provided.
Victims may feel worthless and undeserving of a job promotion, with great soul mates and beautiful experiences. They believe they are more inferior than others.
When you are used to misery, suffering and streaks of bad luck, happiness seems like a setup.
As a result, they tend to run away or give away such blessings due to the unfamiliarity of the situation. Toxic people are overly needy therefore, victims may push them away to avoid responsibility.
They may view such people as a âburdenâ and may describe feeling drained around them.
Why do some people never have successful relationships?
There is a fine line between running away from love and ruining your compatibility with your partners. One is justifiable, the other not so much.
You owe no one an explanation as to why you want to be in a relationship or why you are less interested in finding true love. Certain events and experiences may deter one from pursuing love.
2 Reasons People will Never have Positive Relationships
1. Lack of Emotional Intelligence.
Relationships require vulnerability, deep conversations and the expression of emotions. This is something others are not likely to give up. Some prefer to bottle up their concerns, doubts, compliments or any form of expression from their partner.
Itâs imperative to master communication skills, this will effectively serve you in all areas of your life.
If you spot emotional unavailability in your partner consider it a red flag and walk away.
Itâs a primary indicator that they are not ready for a meaningful romantic relationship.
You will never receive the love you deserve from such a partner.
This is an inexcusable feeling that may awaken your Saviorâs complex.
Itâs critical to figure out if your partner wants help and offer it to them. If not donât try to fix them.
What is Broken Bird Syndrome?
This is the unwavering desire to fix people because of your deep emotional issues. These people may appear âdamagedâ or âtroubledâ and need saving.
Saviors usually enjoy fixing people with issues such as :
Addictions.
Alcoholism.
Depression.
Attachment style issues.
2. Past Trauma
Trauma events cause people to run away from safe places because itâs unfamiliar territory in their minds.
Generalized fear prompts them to question everything from every angle. Victims may experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
The thought of getting close to someone increases stress and makes a person genuinely fearful of relationships. PTSD manifests fear of intimacy and dating and cultivates the belief that emotional expression is too dangerous.
What Causes Trauma?
- Childhood abuse
- Torture
- Domestic abuse
- War
- Past experiences
- Sexual abuse or physical violence
- Death of a loved one
- Serious health problems resulting from negative childbirth experiences such as the loss of a baby.
According to the National Health Service (NHS), avoidance and emotional numbing are survival mechanisms used by most victims. Avoiding certain places, topics or people helps them control the experience.
8 Questions Traumatized People Ask Themselves.
- Does my partner truly love me?
- How can I make them understand Iâm trying?
- How can I make them happy?
- Am I ready to talk to my partner about my experience?
- Can my partner handle my emotional needs and demands?
- Is there any hope of trusting people again?
- Am I difficult to love?
- Why am I struggling to trust my partner?
To anyone out there battling this, you shouldnât hold yourself back from love because of a treatable condition. Kindly seek help from a professional.
Committed relationships donât make sense nowadays. The lack of interest in dating and marriage is common and more people express their newly found joy of singlehood and freedom.
Despite the justifiable and undeniable reasons and factors that push people farther away from ever forming successful relationships. People need grace and forgiveness to fully love themselves and others.
Instability, breakups, living through a cleansing phase or lack of trust are common factors people dish out to probing friends and family members when asked, âAre you seeing anyone?â
Itâs normal to be content and happy with your current life without a romantic partner. Keep shining if it comes from a place of happiness.
If hurt and anger are keeping you single, reach out to a counselor and get help.
Thank you for reading. Clap and follow for more.
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