I took a (calculated) risk — part 1
We are all so afraid of uncertainty that we want a guarantee before we even try.
I tried a thing. And it somewhat backfired on me. But as I actually TRIED, I am still the winner because I learned something.
Part 1 covers the background to the risk, and the risk starting June 2018.
I’ve always been a fairly “gutsy” risk-taking individual, at 12 I won the national judo championship, at 14 I was racing & showjumping horses, at 16 I was playing ice hockey, in my early 20s I moved country without a concrete plan, then with no visa got kicked out of that country, then immigrated again and started all over again in my 30s.
Looking back at this I now shudder at some them, especially little 40 kg Theresa on a large thundering prize stallion. Fearless, and maybe a little daft!
Despite my apparent risk-taking appetite, still I held myself back many times for fear of ambush from the invisible lion hiding in the bushes.
I know too well the terror and paralysis associated with taking risks. There are always reasons. These days I have a mortgage, I have vital expenses and medical bills, I am in immigrant in a foreign country with no financial or familial support or infrastructure nearby, … on and on it goes. The terror is real and palpable.
Yet thankfully still I took some risks.
This story is about a risk I took that posed real threats to my career. And then partially backfired.
Due to a range of life circumstances and a late blooming, my interest in computing infrastructure and cloud technology really started taking shape only about 5 years ago, after it started stirring in its slumber about 10 years ago. When I left school, I thought I would become a programmer, then allowed myself to be swayed into helpdesk and support and management instead.
When I clawed my way back to software some years later, I became a full time QA. It’s here with the curiosity and systems thinking that QAs are particularly good at, and the momentum gained by the DevOps movement, that I really started considering the infrastructure of the system. What was previously an over-the-wall highly specialised esoteric dark art, became a real interest to me.
5 years ago, my then-manager had a penchant for destabilising QAs by telling them “QA is dead”. He asked me what I wanted to do instead. I said “join our Systems Team” (infrastructure team) but he insisted that I had more talent in product management, as much as I rejected that input; and he would not give me that break. Needless to say, I resigned.
I went to a company who were known for their learning culture. And boy, learn I did! About infrastructure and cloud! As a Lead QA, someone not explicitly in the infrastructure space. With the help of some amazing coaches and mentors, my learning and progress really took off. I have mentioned them in a previous post.
Then came my biggest break and my biggest risk in this space: an opportunity to move from Lead QA in a commercial team, a role I had done for several consecutive years and knew very well, to a newly created and vaguely defined Senior Developer Advocate opening in the platform & infrastructure team.
The Platform and Infrastructure team! Imagine my giddiness when this opportunity presented itself!
Now, here’s where I need to explicitly call out some real risks:
- This team had had several departures recently, who had been most dissatisfied with and vocal about its management and apparent disorganisation,
- The role description was fairly vague and I was forewarned by my mentor that this could recoil on me,
- The role was brand new to the company. We had no clear definition of success and recommended ways of getting there, for our context.
I also knew that this was an extremely rare opportunity. This team was known for only hiring system engineers, and I had on more than one occasion in the past been told that they have no place for my skill set, except maybe as a junior engineer. I carefully considered the risks, the possible unsavoury outcomes and my recovery options, versus the possible positive outcomes, the likelihood of this opportunity coming up again, and then consciously took the plunge.
I applied, was thoroughly interviewed, and got the job.
After working hard with my previous manager to recruit my replacement, I officially started my new role in June 2018.
It wasn’t all great. In fact 6 months into the job, I saw the familiar and suffocating tentacles of depression, anxiety and burnout creep into my space. I had the courage to raise this and attempt to remedy this situation, and a manager who really tried to listen to me. For that, I will tell you more in Part 2.
