My Ex-Wife Cheated. Should I Get Paternity Tests for My Kids?
Finding out that you’re life partner cheated on you can be devastating. When that trust is eroded, if not outright destroyed, it can be almost impossible to restore. Left unchecked, that feeling can infiltrate every other aspect of your life, leaving uncertainty in its wake.
It gets worse when children are involved, particularly for men married to women. You wonder how deep the cheating went and if you’re raising kids who aren’t actually yours. If that paternity test confirms you’re worst fears, that’s really hard to come back from.
Falling Apart
I’ve mentioned this a few times over the last year or so, but I am in the process of getting divorced. It has dragged on thanks to my soon-to-be ex-partner’s Olympic level procrastination issues. Finally, things are moving forward and I hope to have this wrapped up by the end of the year.
We were together for nearly 20 years and it all came to an end when I found out she had been lying to me about aspects of our relationship since basically day one. Even worse, I learned that she had been cheating on me prolifically for quite some time.
The reality is that I know very little about what happened. She’s never been one to be open about her life. Honestly, the fact I know as much as I do is a minor miracle. What bothers me is the fact that I have no idea how long the cheating had gone on before I found out about it.
Unfortunately, it could easily have been going on since our first date. I had my suspicions but I wrote them off as paranoia. Now, I know there’s a good chance that I was correct and that scares me. Not because of the actual cheating but because of our kids.
My Babies
When my ex and I had kids, they became the best parts of my life. I had always wanted to be a father but thought I would never have the opportunity. Finding someone to build a life with was not going well at all. As such, getting a serious girlfriend was a long shot let alone having kids.
Having kids changed my life for the better. I love being a parent, both the good and the bad parts of it. I don’t claim to do the best in the game or that I always know the right answer. Still, I work really hard to do the best I can, being the parent I know my kids need.
My ex loved, and still loves, our kids but she doesn’t seem to want to be a parent. She just wants the fun parts without any of the hard work. She was the same way in our marriage. Frankly, she takes on life with the same methodology. It generally doesn’t work well.
Since the cheating revelations came to light, I have found myself wondering if I am my children’s biological father. I have no indication that I’m not. Given everything else my wife has lied to me about, it honestly wouldn’t be that much of a surprise. I don’t want the test, though.
Avoiding the Test
I’ve often wondered if I should get paternity test done so I can know for sure. What absolutely scares me about taking the test is that I would, in fact, know for sure. If I found out my kids are not biologically mine, I have no idea what I would do next.
I’m not saying I would kill myself. That’s not an option that’s on the table. Period. What I’m saying is that I don’t know how I would move forward without being a parent. Having kids has become such an integral part of who I am. That being gone would be devastating.
What I’ve realized is that it doesn’t matter. I love my kids, without question. Even if I find out that they aren’t my biological kids, I’m still the only father they’ve ever known. Hell, I’m the only reliable parent they’ve ever known. No one else is there day in and day out for them. I want to be there.
Regardless of what the “truth” may or may not be, I choose them as my kids. And they have made the choice to live with me and for me to be their father. No test can confirm that or take that away, so there is absolutely no point in taking it. I know who my kids are.
