Aug 15, 2020Tourist Tossed Like a Caesar Salad by Free Range Emo-Goth in Yellowstone National Park, Shits PantsWYOMING — A surly emo-goth gored a California woman Wednesday at Yellowstone National Park after officials there said a crowd got too close. Carol Lynn, 59, who is from Santa Rosa, California, was gored after a crowd of people approached within 10 yards of a surly emo-goth that was sulking…Yellowstone2 min readYellowstone2 min read
Aug 14, 2020Groundbreaking Research Finds Legendary Hunkpapa Leader, Sitting Bull, to be PretendianColonial Studies Historian, Jacob Kelso, uncovered that Sitting Bull, Tȟatȟáŋka Íyotake, was not enrolled. “He didn’t even carry a CDIB card on him.” Kelso said. “Apparently, the People just took him at his word. …Pretendians2 min readPretendians2 min read
Aug 1, 2020Feast Smudge SnagFeast Smudge Snag You’ve read the book Eat Pray Love, and you’ve seen the movie starring Julia Roberts, well hold onto your frybread because here’s the Lakota version, Feast Smudge Snag. Synopsis: In her early thirties, Colleen Campbell had everything a modern Indigenous woman could hope for — four great…4 min read4 min read
Published inGay Mag·Apr 6, 2020Member-onlyAmerican (Indian) DirtNon-Native authored books about Natives have been taking up space for a very long day — You are seated at a mass signing as part of a midwestern book festival. A celebrated author sits at the table adjacent to you. His most famous book is about a white man’s journey of self-discovery guided by a Lakota elder on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. You can’t help…Power7 min readPower7 min read
Jul 19, 2019Member-onlyI Have White Bread PrivilegeI Have White Bread Privilege I love sandwiches, all kinds, and anyone who knows me knows that I love me a sammich! But what people don’t know about me and something that’s been deeply uncomfortable for me to admit, is that…I prefer white bread. Now that might not be a…Food4 min readFood4 min read
Jun 26, 2019Missing Oregon Senators Shape-Shift into Wild HorsesOregon Republican Senators Cliff Bentz and Tim Knopp have gone to extreme lengths in order to shirk their public servant responsibilities by shape-shifting into wild horses. The two deadbeats are hiding out in Idaho to avoid voting on measures in Oregon’s State Capital. Upon arriving to the herd, the senators were unfortunately unprepared to fight the stallion, and other alpha males for group dominance and pecking order, and it’s been reported that the pair are not doing well.Travel1 min readTravel1 min read
Jan 22, 2019An Open Letter of Apology to Native Americans From One of the Covington Catholic School StudentsAs one of the students from Covington Catholic School that incited a colossal shit-show at the Lincoln Memorial on our nation’s sacred ground, the National Mall, I would like to apologize to the Omaha veteran and elder, Nathan Phillips, and to the participants in the Indigenous Peoples March for my…Native Americans2 min readNative Americans2 min read
Oct 23, 2018Celebrate Your Quaint Family LoreMy family lore holds significant importance and is a big part of who I am, and how I consider myself and my identity. I look back with fondness to those precious times when my gran’mama bounced me on her knee and recounted our family heritage. I was enrapt with her…Elizabeth Warren1 min readElizabeth Warren1 min read
Oct 16, 2018Sole Non-Indigenous Person Has No Opinion Whatsoever about Senator Warren’s Spit Test.The news of Senator Elizabeth Warren’s DNA results has spread throughout the globe and has made headlines in every major and minor news outlet from the New York Times to Billy Bob’s Halftime Circus Jubilee Newsletter. Every non-Indigenous person from all seven continents has taken it upon themselves to declare their point of view despite having not examined critical details of Senator Warren’s controversial announcement and all that it entails, particularly the viewpoints from Indigenous communities and Indigenous thought leaders. And in a shocking new precedence, despite the enormous response, the overwhelming deluge of unsolicited “opinion,” only one sole non-Indigenous individual has no comment and wishes to remain anonymous. “I have no opinion whatsoever.” Anonymous stated. “Now please leave me alone and go ask someone who might know better.”Elizabeth Warren1 min readElizabeth Warren1 min read
Published inThe Belladonna Comedy·Mar 13, 2018Westworld’s Dolores Abernathy Steps in for Betsy DeVos in “60 Minutes” InterviewI believe there is an order to our days, a purpose. — STAHL: Why have you become, people say, the most hated Cabinet secretary? DOLORES ABERNATHY: [smiles with her lovely eyes] Some folks choose to only see the seedy underbelly of life, I choose to see the splendid panoramic sunsets. STAHL: Do you think that teachers should have guns in the classroom? …Westworld2 min readWestworld2 min read