AKA the power rankings of all my lovers i love, the lovers i used to love, and the lovers i don’t have to love — I was inspired to create my own “dating spreadsheet” inspired by Chin Hua Lu’s. Her template tracks and rates dates with the objective of finding a monogamous partner. I wanted to create one that serves my needs as a polyamorous person dating with the objective of finding multiple lovers.

Even if gift-giving isn’t your love language, here are a list of the best things for everyone in your polycule. Note: If this is helpful at all, please consider signing up and making your purchases via this thing that I still call ebates. For the service provider darling in your…

An ode to the uncomplicated woman I will never be. — It’s been 20 years of loathing all the Ians and Lilys of my life. It’s always embarrassing when I go down this rabbit hole of finding out who this fucking Ian or Lily is. Ian/Lily of course being an ex’s new partner. I glob on to whatever information I can…

When I was going through my divorce, I had a lot of grief to process. It manifested in my writing which became quite dark. My anger was mixed with sadness and I spent most of last year wallowing in it, too afraid of letting it go because that would force…

And how breakups will be always be a common denominator between polyamorous and monogamous folks — A lot of polyam people use the word “de-escalate” to describe how we transition out of a relationship. I have many gripes about this and all the terminology used to force a differentiation from monogamy when we should be connecting what we have in common. Like how fucking terrible break-ups…

Avoiding remnants of our relationship while passing through the JetBlue terminal at SFO — In 2009, I was in love for the first time and we were physically separated for a week or so. I wrote him a love letter every day and at the risk of being too needy, only sent a handful postmarked San Francisco. I also wrote to my best friend…

Losing couple privilege and embracing solo polyamory — “Now you can say you tried everything.” No, I did not “try” polyamory to save my marriage. It’s not an ingredient I found in the ethnic food aisle of the grocery store that I am experimenting with. I started an open relationship. It was great for a while and when it started sucking, it continued to suck…

… and the latest villain in his story — “Just listen to this album.” He plugged in his 1st Generation iPod and played Beck’s Sea Change. “It’s the most heartbreaking record.” And he was right. The soft vocals pulled at my heart strings. We were in a parking lot with nowhere else to go for the night. That’s when…

My relationship status just got more complicated than “married and dating.” — It’s raining in Los Angeles which means large insects are coming up the pipes of my home. I douse one to death with a spray bottle of tea tree oil, the same one I use to spray down my yoga mat. Then it hit me. …