Stress Test Your Relationship Before Your Newborn Does It
It will happen one way or another. So pick your poison.
There is a popular Jamaican phrase “Si mi an cum live with me a two different thing”. The English translation: appearance could be deceiving. If you have been in a relationship, this is something you can attest to.
So how do you avoid being deceived or caught off-guard? Is there a template or checklist capable of showing the true character of a person during dating? Probably not, but there are best practices and a few useful tips you should have in your corner.
Today I want to share one tip to help you get a better understanding of your potential partner. The intention is to help young men understand how to go beyond judging the cover of the book. I call it “stress testing”.
Stress testing … Are you crazy!?
Actually, I’m not. I borrowed this term from my field of practice, Information Technology. This is the technique we often use to evaluate how an application performs under a short period of excessive usage (stress). This provides great visibility in an application’s performance during a worst-case scenario. As an experienced performance/stress tester, providing clients this level of visibility reduces FUDs about their application while improving confidence. Testing is normally done right before product launch or major update.
The health sector also utilizes this method. Physicians often use this same principle, testing your blood sugar level is a form of stress testing. For a short period, they apply a high dose of sugar/glucose. Then they evaluate how your body responds over time.
Why Is This Important?
Choosing a partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Stress testing could help you determine if your date is the right person. Here are a few reasons why you should consider this suggestion:
- We (men) are attracted by what we see. While this is a good trait, it can also work against us. If left unchecked, you could end up in an unwanted relationship — with a beautiful Barbie. Before you think about “jumping the broom” or “lay in the bed”, take time to identify the source of your love — heart or eyes. Remember not everything that glitters is gold.
- Courtship is a thing of the past. Millennials are skipping this important step and are jumping into long-term relationships with surface-level knowledge. A large fraction of those relations is dysfunctional which some serious consequences.
- Never go into a relationship expecting to change your partner. Setting the right expectation at the start is something we (men) often neglect. Love your partner for who they are, not what they may become.
Frankly speaking, understanding our potential partner’s capabilities and challenges from the start is extremely important. Skipping this process could spell disaster for your long term relationship. Introducing a child to that environment could raise the tempo to an unbearable level. According to research, unstable relationships are more susceptible to break after a child is born.
I will skip the how-to section and instead provide some general suggestions. The main objective of this approach is to observe your potential partner in various situations. Observer behavioral patterns during heated debates, or around family. So don’t try to create unnecessary arguments, as that is not the purpose of this article.
It Is Not Bullet Proof
Similar to IT, this technique will not solve your problems. Identifying gaps and potential growth areas are the main benefits. You are responsible for taking the next steps. Which involves taking the time to learn more about your potential partner.
My relationship has gone through various challenges, but parenting has been the most difficult thus far. Having a child with eczema and my wife’s postpartum depression plus my panic attack made it super difficult. But we made it thus far and for that, I’m extremely grateful that we’ve built our relationship on a solid foundation. The early stages of our relationship were spent learning plus a bit of “stress testing”.
So test your relationship today, before you (future) newborn does it for you. Thank you and take care.
Feel free to comment and share this and my other articles with men— especially young men.
