3 simple ways I Am Rewiring My Mind for Happiness
A Daily Practice that is easier than I thought — and I feel more in control
Staying happy hasn’t always come naturally to me. I’ve been a worrier for as long as I can remember, constantly fretting about the future. As a student, I worried about job prospects. Once I found a job, I began worrying about whether I would ever get married, a concern fueled by my struggles with self-esteem in my 20s. By the time I got married, the honeymoon at work was over — and job dissatisfaction began affecting my happiness — even in my marriage. A few years later, just when I thought everything was going well, another worry crept in — what if I couldn’t get pregnant in time? After my baby arrived, I decided to leave my job to spend more time with my little one.
When I was ready to return to work two years later, job opportunities had diminished, and I began worrying about when — or if — I would find a job. When I finally secured a job I liked, my joy was short-lived because by then, I was unhappy in my marriage and even entertained thoughts of divorce.
Now I’m divorced and confident in my decision. I have a job I thoroughly enjoy, I’m in the best health, and I’m raising a thriving child. The road here wasn’t easy, but each challenge has shaped me into a stronger, more self-assured person. Yet, I find myself wondering if I’ll ever meet the love of my life. But this time, the feeling is different — it’s more curiosity than worry. I’ve grown wiser and learned a thing or two about life: when you show up and trust the universe, the right opportunities and people will appear.
In spite of this wisdom, I sometimes find myself slipping back into old patterns of worry. Though I can now snap out of my funks more quickly, I’m surprised by how easy it is to fall into the worry trap. Dr. Joe Dispenza, a neuroscientist, offers the best explanation for this: our bodies get addicted to the chemicals produced by our predominant emotions. Worry was one of mine throughout my 20s and 30s. When we’re not feeling those emotions regularly, our brains create thoughts to trigger the same chemical response, much like how our bodies crave coffee or junk food, even when we’ve resolved not to indulge.
Looking back on my life — emigrating to the U.S., earning my master’s degree, landing my first job, getting married — while each milestone brought joy, I later realized that the happiness was temporary. I realized that in my pursuit of these goals, I wasn’t truly savoring the journey or celebrating the small wins along the way.
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I remind myself to recalibrate my focus to stay on the happiness track. Here’s how I’m making it easier to stay present and worry less:
“Progress equals happiness.” — Tony Robbins
Inspired by Robbins’s advice, I’ve set up a simple daily check-in to measure my progress and ensure that I’m living a fulfilling life — every single day. At the end of each day, I ask myself:
- Did I engage with my son with a collaborative approach, not authority?
It’s easy to make my 10-year-old do his chores, but I know that won’t build his character or strengthen our bond. I try to involve him in decision-making, but it’s hard — and time-consuming. Most days I fail, but just knowing I have the chance to do better the next day keeps me motivated. Over time, I see more ✅ than ❌, and that progress makes me happy. - Did I work sincerely and stay focused?
I take my work seriously, but working from home makes it easy to lose focus and scroll through social media. When I catch myself, I feel guilty for wasting time. Simply adding this question to my daily reflection has made me more accountable. Now, when I reach for my phone during work hours, I remember that it will lead to a ❌ on my tracker — and that awareness helps me stay on course. - Did I live up to the story I tell myself?
As someone who struggled with low self-esteem, I’ve worked hard to change my self-perception — from feeling unworthy to believing I am deserving of success and love. Still, there are moments when I slip back into old thought patterns. Checking in on whether I’ve lived up to my new self-belief — and realizing that I mostly do — fills me with pride and happiness.
There are other criteria I track daily, but the point is simple: happiness doesn’t come from some elusive peak. It comes from celebrating the small victories and daily progress. It’s not about chasing a perfect moment but finding joy in the journey, in everyday wins, and in the growth we experience along the way.
The Ripple Effect of Happiness
One of the benefits of being in my 40s is that I’ve experienced enough ups and downs to appreciate the blessings that come from challenges — lessons I can only see in hindsight. How I respond to challenges shapes who and what I attract into my life.
We all have an energy field that extends beyond us, influencing those we interact with. Realizing that my happiness ripples out to those around me has given me a powerful sense of purpose — staying happy is no longer just a choice, but a responsibility. Sure, I still allow myself to feel sad or down sometimes, but I no longer wallow in it.
Happiness isn’t something we stumble upon; it’s something we cultivate. And for me, that means embracing progress and letting go of the end goal — every single day.
