Moving On Is Hard. Let’s Diss Your Ex
Okay, maybe more lessons than diss.
It is crazy difficult moving on after a heart- I get it. If you are reading this, chances are, you do too. I am ashamed to say that I probably marinated in the abuse I went through longer than I should have because- moving on was hard.
So, how do you move on? I will tell you 4 ways I learned to.
- If it is meant to be, it will be.
Cliché you say but let me tell you this- When I got this down in my spirit, I exhaled finally. My ex did not start out as my abuser. He was loving, kind, generous to a fault, had an easy laugh, and made me laugh often. The turnabout to abuse will always blow my mind. Maybe for you, you aren’t moving on because you were abused. Maybe it is the right person, wrong timing and your heart is breaking up.
If it is meant to be, it will be.
What will you rather it be? Keep forcing the circle into a square peg or exhale?
Now for the diss: if your ex was really all that, they will be perfect in every way for you, wouldn’t they? They aren’t.
2. Let’s see- Breakup is necessary for individual growth. When there is a breakup, ideally you learn a few things. As you heal, you learn even more.
Pain in my experience, is a teacher that will never let you forget. Many things you learn through pain, even when the pain decreases, you do not forget what you learned.
Here is a diss for your ex: They cause pain. Who needs that?
3. New breakup, new you: I remember the early days of freedom from my abusive ex. The air was purer. The sounds were clearer. The day was brighter. In my lungs, I had new fresh air. You still cannot convince me that the world isn’t much better now. I am new. I feel reborn.
As hard as a breakup is, you will be reborn through it. As hard as the pain of moving on is, you will have new or different experiences, new chances to connect with new people, and new opportunities to fall in love.
Tell me this: How much variety can your heart take? With your ex behind you, isn’t the world chuck full of oysters?
Love that diss?
4. I will be the first to tell you- closure is overrated.
Ever seen a relationship closure tie up every loose end? I had many questions but in time, I realized my abuser wasn’t the one to answer them. I just had to create the ending I wanted and boy, don’t I just love the giant wall of closure I envisioned between us and fortified with the fires of hell.
It is hard but, try this trick: every time you envision your ex, put up a wall in your mind’s eye. The wall could be fortified with venomous snakes, black widow spiders, thick fortress walls, or whatever works for you. Have a huge smile on your face as you focus on that wall.
Everyday of healing will call on you to put one leg in front of the other. Envision yourself doing it. With each step forward, have a huge smile on your face as you walk forward.
Healing is not linear. Growth is not linear but I have this assurance for you, one day, that wall will be so thick and you will find yourself so far away from that heartbreak that it will not matter really about your ex.
BUT, If everything fails, remember this- if it is meant to be, it will be. If it will be, will you want your ex to come back and find you mourning, gloomy, frustrated, desperate, and bitter? Or will you want them to find an improved, happier, and more thankful you? Your choice.
And oh for the diss: Your ex is quite likely doing some variation moving forward to get over you. Start on your own journey.
Thank you for reading.
My name is Adaobi Okwy. Please turn on Email Notification for my next post. Also, Buy me a coffee?
