Do’s and Don’ts for Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Fuckery Submissions

For those who know me solely as the guy who makes jokes about the bible and VTubers (the latter being far more sacrilegious): I am one of the moderators for Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Fuckery, part of Jason Provencio’s Bouncin’ and Behavin’ publications:

Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Blogs

Bouncin’ and Behaving Blogs TWO

Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Fuckery

I volunteered to be a moderator for BBF due to many pleasant interactions with Jason, who is literally the most laid-back person in my life right now. The “volunteered” part is vital for two reasons:

• Jason is definitely not one of those people that goes around offering to pay creators with exposure. I approached him for this gig, not vice-versa.
• Some of you have me working too hard for my not-money.

With Jason’s blessing, I’m emphasizing some of the existing rules as well as adding some of my own with regard to BBF submissions. I don’t expect anyone to memorize this post, but people who wish to routinely submit to BBF should bookmark it.

Note that I’m treating this post as a living document. I’ll make adjustments in response to events and patterns pertaining to BBF.

DO: When in Doubt, (Politely) Reach out to Jason

I start with this because I want to hold myself accountable and to distance myself from the types of power-hungry, arrogant fools that I routinely mock.

Despite my insistence that I’m actually three albino goblins forming a totem pole trench, I’m only human. That means that I’m prone to errors. Also, I realize that I use some non-quantifiable standards when moderating with BBF. Those who wish to take offense at the previous statement: ask your neighbors if you can borrow a cup of comedy, and let me know what happens.

When I reject a submission for BBF, I leave at least one private note indicating the reason for the rejection as well as potential follow-up actions (i.e. “Submit this to BBB2 instead”). When you disagree with the notes — or when the notes are absent — take some screenshots, then politely yet assertively reach out to Jason. BBB is his business — both literally and figuratively — so he’ll do what’s best for his business and his crew.

Just don’t ask Jason to discuss the situation on WhatsApp. Trust me on this one.

DON’T: Do Not Pick a Fight

I shouldn’t have to explain this to anyone who is legally an adult, but the internet has a way to make emotional ages plummet. It has a similar effect with IQs, but that’s another post for another time.

My moderating activity is on a volunteer basis. So when I say that I am not paid enough to tolerate abusive or passive-aggressive behavior, it’s both a joke and a true statement at the same time.

On other social media sites, I have a “One and Done” policy when dealing with trolls and other online combatants: I might take a parting shot, then I’ll mute or block the offender. Medium is different since both Jason and I treat it like a workplace. I’m far less inclined to squander my Medium time dealing with unwarranted aggression, and I’m more likely to mute, block, and report.

And here’s a technical note: once I block you, I will never see your submissions again.

I’m not going to provide a comprehensive list of things not to do, but I will say that the two most common “Screw this!” categories with regard to BBF submissions have been people cursing me out and people ignoring me after I tell them the same problem/issue 3 or more times. When in doubt, think of the Golden Rule and ask yourself how you’d feel if someone was giving you the behavior and responses that you’d give me or the other BBB crew members.

DO: Proofread before Submitting

Yes, Jason already mentioned this, but it bears worth repeating. I don’t expect submissions to have no errors whatsoever. I do expect submitters to use spelling and grammar checkers such as Grammarly. I personally recommend reading drafts out loud to catch errors and awkward parts that machines overlook.

If the only red flag a submission has is 10 or fewer grammatical/spelling errors, I’ll fix them myself; just don’t be surprised when your published work has Oxford commas. However, when a submission is caked with angry red squiggly underlines, that’s an automatic rejection.

DO: Submit to the Correct BBB Publication

BBF is a publication for comedy and satire. As I stated before, comedy can’t be quantifiably measured like an amount of sugar or the number of criminal charges on which Donald Trump is guilty (at least 34 as of 2024–06–03, so the smart money’s on this number rising like a pinball score by the end of the decade). However, if someone asks me, “What is the main tone of this article?,” it’s a red flag if I can’t immediately answer “Comedy” or “Satire.”

This is not to say that every submission must be as overtly silly as a typical Weird Al Yankovic song. However, adding a few jokes to an autobiographical piece or a technical article doesn’t round it up to comedy or satire.

When I reject a BBF submission on the grounds that it’s not comedy, it’s due to the low quantity of jokes, not the low quality of jokes. Just because a piece isn’t a good fit for BBF doesn’t mean it’s not a great article. I will point out in private notes when that happens and suggest alternate publications where the piece would be a better fit, which includes BBB2.

DO: Legally Use and Source Images

Imagine how you’d feel if you saw your writing on another website with your name and details completely stripped from the piece. That’s why we source our images. If your article contains images that don’t indicate the image’s source, I will automatically reject the piece.

Medium’s built-in Unsplash integration auto-generates proper sourcing, and it can be a handy tool for those new to Medium and those looking for a quick stock image. However, I won’t fault you for not using Unsplash in the long run. Their search algorithm… it was coded in a hurry. Here’s the first Unsplash result for “Weird Al Yankovic”:

Fig. 1: It’s Hard to Recognize Weird Al Yankovic Without His Accordion, His Wacky Shirts, and HIM BEING IN THE RICKYFRACKING IMAGE IN THE FIRST PLACE. Photo by Steven Van Elk on Unsplash.

My recommendation to Medium authors is to utilize the filters in search engines like DuckDuckGo to include only images that won’t expose themselves — and, more importantly, us in the BBB crew — to lawsuits. Image-based results should have a drop-down pertaining to licenses:

Fig. 2: If You’re within the Red, That’s Using Your Head! Image Screenshotted from DuckDuckGo.

Any wiki-based site worth its salt will provide ready-to-use text or HTML that properly sources an included image. Wikipedia is a great resource when it comes to properly attributing a creator with their image:

Fig. 3: According to Unsplash, This Is the Attribution to a Picture of an Ocean. The Image Actually Comes from Wikipedia.

I personally rely on ImgFlip and its copyright protection policies to add some image-based humor to articles.

Fig. 4: “Me-he-he-helanie… Why Won’t You Go Swim in Me?” Photo by Steven Van Elk on Unsplash and Modified with ImgFlip.

I don’t require alt-text for images, but visually impaired readers and people with intermittent or lousy internet access will be grateful if you do.

DON’T: Do Not Go Overboard with Self-Promotion

Since Medium is a business for authors with paid memberships, I won’t fault anyone for adding a few links at the end of a well-written submission. That’s just good business. Also, since not every comedic piece is a good fit for BBF (i.e. sex comedies), I don’t mind when a great BBF contribution points to great articles that aren’t BBF-appropriate.

However, if a submission is nothing but a self-promotional link-a-palooza, I will reject it outright. I don’t have a quantifiable limit (i.e. word count), but a general rule of thumb is that it’s a real problem when the self-promotion is more memorable than the “main” article.

Using link-gathering landing pages like LinkTree can reduce self-promotion clutter. Also, creating your own publications and index pages for topics important to you and projects with multiple related posts can consolidate self-promotional links further. With a bit of planning, 1–3 links can lead interested readers to your entire body of work.

That’s far preferable to having a 20-line poem followed by 200 self-promoting hyperlinks.

DON’T: Do Not State “Facts” That You Cannot Prove

You are entitled to your own opinions, and you are entitled to your own tastes. You are not, however, entitled to your own facts. I go so far as to say that opinions stemming from lies, misinformation, and unverified facts are invalid.

Generally speaking, any claim that isn’t common knowledge (I won’t reject someone for not providing a citation for “A triangle has three sides”) or isn’t backed by a reputable source (“reputable” meaning that Jason won’t question my grip on reality when I tell him the source) is a red flag.

If you mention a study about what 43% of people do or think, provide a link. If something sounds too good to be true, provide a link that verifies that it’s true. And lastly, but most importantly: do not mistake your opinions or beliefs for facts.

One small error or one little white lie could lead to big trouble for all of BBB, so I’ll err on the side of “Proof or GTFO.”

Fig. 5: The Rest of the Internet Is Okay with This Source, But I Have Higher Standards. Image Courtesy of ImgFlip.

I know that this may seem like overkill, but I want to emphasize two points:

• BBB is a business for many people, myself included. I don’t want to cost writers their income on account of me being sloppy or exercising poor judgment.
• Many, if not all, of the points above pertain to repeated activity I’ve mentioned in multiple submissions.

Since my sense of humor is… let’s be charitable and call it “unorthodox”… I don’t judge pieces on whether or not they make me laugh. I use a combination of provable metrics and judgment calls — both of which I can discuss and defend when the need arises — to make the accept/reject decision. And I cannot stress highly enough that “This is not appropriate for BBF” is not the same as “This is a low-quality piece.” As much as I love “Dave Barry Does Japan,” I’d reject the Hiroshima chapter despite it being a powerful and well-written chapter.

I urge BBF contributors to bookmark this page and to not take it personally when a piece gets rejected.

And don’t ask me to discuss it on WhatsApp.

Fig. 6: Still a Better Source of Income Than Dropshipping. Image Courtesy of ImgFlip.

For less-administrative and less-preachy lunacy from the Loony Liberal:

· Bouncin’ and Behavin’ Fuckery

· Spanks McFanny Help Us All

· (NSFW) Passion Pushes the Pen

· Medium Profile

· Linktree

· Ko-fi

· BlueSky

· YouTube