Men are spectacularly naive about and underestimate Women
The Bear or The Man: Women take caution with men. Here’s why men need Spidey senses too.
Sugar Spice and everything nice is a myth, sorry fellas
“Woman and children can afford to be careless, men can not.”- Don Corleone
Dear Nephew
People will read that and consider it sexist or chauvinist.
But no matter how progressive we like to delude ourselves.
The expectations society places on men and the punishment it deals to them is always higher.
The perceptions of male nature, real, paranoid and propaganda, have daily consequences.
As evident in debates about Women choosing to be in a Woods with a Bear than with a man.
So what about men and the precaution they need to take around women when alone?
Just as women are taught to take precaution and guarded around men for real, precautionary or paranoia reasons .
In a Post-#MeToo world, HR warnings, job losses and Gym girl video shaming.
Men would be naive and foolish not to do the same.
We cool?
LET’S BEGIN
In boxing/MMA before the match begins, the referee says
Obey my rules at all times. Protect yourself at all times.
This is key in how you navigate social and professional life.
Protect yourself at all times.
When former United States Vice President Mike Pence said that he does not have dinner or spend time alone with any woman who is not his wife, a storm of outrage filled mainstream and social media.
Outraged female hosts ranted on Morning talk shows.
Many wrote think pieces insulting. Accusing him of demonising women, having no self control. Punishing women.
But why doesn’t he or other men have a right to that boundary?
Women express discomfort all the time about being alone in rooms and meetings with a co-worker.
Even when its all paranoia and the man has done nothing to warrant it.
Female executives choose to exclusively hire a woman as her personal assistant or team up with another woman for a project.
So why the hypocrisy when a man choses not to have 1 on 1 time with a female co-worker or limit any personal time with a woman he’s not in a relationship with?
Why is he suddenly “a perv with no self control” .
Rather than a man making a choice to flee/avoid any situation which can be misconstrued (or why cant he be uncomfortable ?)
Make decisions that guard your name, image , reputation and job from any situation where it can be questioned or a false accusation has any possibility of being believed
Have meetings in a public place with multiple witnesses and keep your hands and compliments to yourself.
If that cant be helped have a meeting with the door open.
Let it be weird and awkward.
But protect yourself, image at all costs from misinterpretation, aspersions
Don’t concern yourself with the opinions and outrage of people who don’t have to face punishment and consequences of poor decision you make because you are trying to avoid offence, looking mean or hurting someone’s feelings.
As the Economist Thomas Sowell said
“It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong”
In ALL your interactions with girls/women, socially, professionally, romantically.
Conduct yourself with the highest dignity.
1-Walk circumspectly lest the devil sift you like wheat.
Always think and answer internally
Can i defend myself in public if my conversation and interaction was leaked on the internet?
If the transcript is read can it be misinterpreted or taken out of context ?
Let that guide what you say, seriously or as a joke.
2-Guide how you conduct yourself while spending time or working with any woman.
Don’t ever assume she’s interested in romance or flirtation or even friendship.
It’s better to be thought of as “lame” “boring” or “gay” by not making a move or being too friendly.
Than to make a move because you assumed a green-light and its later labelled as pervy.
SOCIALLY
Always remember. No matter how consensual an encounter you have with a girl, a kiss, a hug, sex.
Even if she initiated it, came on to you. Took off your clothes and initiated sexual activity.
If for some reason, she feels regret or she feels shame.
She can claim she was under pressure, coerced, impaired, felt afraid and let you have your way.
She can say you didn’t read her body language indicating discomfort or she didn’t give verbal consent because she was afraid or froze.
It has happened and keeps happening
her friend jokingly calls her a slut and she feels shame
she regrets it the next morning
she fears people thinking of her as a slut or easy
she doesn’t want a crush to find out and it ruin her chances
Even if you can prove it was consensual and she’s lying.
The damage will be done. Social media and the mainstream media will move on. Search engine results will bring up the stories on their first page.
Don’t gamble your reputation and life on casual hook ups.
PROVERBS 27:12
A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences(NLT)
Another translation says
Sensible people foresee trouble and hide. Gullible people go ahead [and] suffer.(GWT)
WHAT’S MY POINT?
A scary HIGH percentage % of women rarely take accountability for their choices when there are unpleasant social consequences.
They’ve been socialised and immunised from consequences and the pain of fallout.
Fathers coddle them.
Brothers, Boyfriends, love interests, school teachers protect them from consequences of action and punish the boy in the equation.
Movies and TV shows tell them everything is the fault of men.
Identity politics tells them its systematic oppression, misogyny, objectification of female bodies and the almighty patriarchy.
They are victims in the chains of societal learned helplessness.
It infantalises casual their sex decisions because of the idea that men always trick and scheme their way into a woman’s pants.
It must have been the Big Bad Boy, who huffed, puffed and forced her.
Before some people have an aneurysm.
I AM REFERRING TO FULLY CONSENSUAL SEX DONE WHILE SOBER, DRUG FREE & ZERO CO-ERSION
Young Man, ask yourself if those few minutes of any sexual activity is worth your name, career, or sanity dragged in the mud?
Going to jail and put on a sex offenders list.
Having “rapist” pop up anytime someone Googles your name.
24 Now then, my sons, listen to me;
pay attention to what I say.
25 Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray into her paths.
26 Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.
27 Her house is a highway to the grave,
leading down to the chambers of death.- PROVERBS 7
Even sex that is offered on a platter can back fire. HAS backfired.
Girls have sought out a target to cheat with to make their boyfriend jealous and then that boyfriend comes after the innocent guy who thought he randomly got lucky.
Girls have cheated on their boyfriends and lied that it was rape.
Girls have had sex with a guy, regretted it and immediately label it as rape or power dynamics to preserve their reputation from becoming “that girl who gave it up”.
She’d rather see his life destroyed than own up to her bad choice.
Others have lied just out of spite, resentment or revenge
In a 2016 case , Nikki Yovino, the 19-year-old Connecticut college student who accused two football players of attacking her in an off-campus bathroom near Sacred Heart University. Later admitted she lied about being raped so that a male love interest would feel sympathy for her
In society’s attempt to protect women and take accusations seriously, the lives of innocent men have been destroyed. Over-correction.
The point of this is not to paint girls/women as all bad or make you paranoid.
But to make you aware that there are wicked people of both genders in this world with pleasant faces and demeanours, until they don’t get their way or want to punish someone.
Humans rarely admit complicity if playing the victim frees them from blame, consequences or punishment and these days, pays dividends.
Women tread cautiously around men even when there is no clear and present danger, sometimes its un-necessary paranoia.
Men have legitimate reasons too but society tries to downplay them with the “systemic power” size and strength arguments and the use of shame.
The men who’ve lost 10- 20 years of their life in jail over false accusation would beg to differ.
It’s only naive, delusional or arrogant men who don’t tread cautiously around women because they see them as weak, harmless or still stuck on believing Sugar,Spice and everything nice.
