The Judgemental Mind

I don’t know if you are like me and want to be someone who judges the world less, or at the least, judges without the added feeling of criticism.

In Western society (most notably the northeastern part of the United States), being judgmental involves making unfair or inconsiderate assessments of someone’s behavior, choices, or character without considering all the relevant facts or understanding their perspective. This term isn’t from the dictionary but rather a definition I came up with based on my 20+ years living in Massachusetts and Rhode Island.

Many of us have grown up with the same experience, which is safe to assume because I, too, have been on the receiving end of judgment and thought, “Well, this is unfair and downright doesn’t make sense.” More notably, I have been the deliverer of judgment and thought, “Well, that’s ridiculous,” and compared my perspective in a superior way. Looking back at this behavior brings both a cringe and a smile to my face. Part of me acknowledges that this previous behavior of mine is a nonsensical complex of my ego, and another happier, greater part of me smiles because I can see that I am growing out of that thinking.

Do you want to dissolve your judgmentalness? Then learn to..

• Be more patient instead of jumping to conclusions.
• Become more tolerant of differences.
• Stop imposing your standards onto others.

Essentially, judgmental people make snap judgments without giving others the benefit of the doubt or considering their circumstances. And guess what? I bet you that we all have a few experiences that could have gone much better if this egotistical characteristic was gone from our lives.

So, how do we transform a judgemental mind?

Change My Thinking

Do you feel that you are too judgmental and want to improve your mindset? You’re not alone! Too many people battle this thinking, which is truly an infliction on our (and others') internal peace.

Transforming a judgmental mind involves starving old thinking patterns and replacing them with nonconfrontational practices like open-mindedness and empathy.

This is so much easier said than done. It requires practicing mindfulness to become more aware of our thoughts and reactions, challenging our assumptions and biases, and actively seeking to understand others’ perspectives.

Yet, with practice, we can make it a regular thinking.

What Is Judgement

Judgment typically refers to the ability to form opinions, make decisions, or come to conclusions based on careful consideration or evaluation of facts, evidence, or experiences. It involves assessing situations, people, or things and determining their value, importance, or appropriateness.

However, we do not live in a society of pure judgment. Different from the pure definition of judgment, too many people form opinions, make decisions, or come to conclusions with less, much less, of the total information available.

An easy example of this is judging a book by its cover, an idiom that means forming an opinion about someone or something based solely on their outward appearance.

Far too often, people conceptualize an opinion based on appearances alone, leading them to deceive themselves! When people do this, they forget to emphasize the importance of looking deeper to understand the true nature or value of a person or thing. Judging a book by its cover is sage wisdom, reminding us to advocate against making superficial judgments.

Dismantling Judgement

First and foremost, judgyness really is no one's fault! We simply have been misled into using judgyness as a tactic to navigate our world, preserve ourselves, and benefit those we care about. However, once we can see that we have been shortsighted in our perceptions, it becomes our responsibility to dismantle this harmful approach (harmful to others and ourselves).

Fostering a nonjudgmental attitude involves developing compassion and acceptance toward ourselves and others, recognizing that everyone, just like yourself, has unique experiences and challenges.

One effective strategy is to engage in active listening, focusing on truly hearing what others are saying without interrupting or planning our response while they speak.

There’s a saying closely tied to the practice of active listening, a sage advice often attributed to Epictetus, a Greek Stoic philosopher who lived nearly 2,000 years ago:

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

This idea encourages us to be more mindful and present in our interactions, fostering better understanding and communication. If we want to judge less, we have to listen deeply.

Another approach is to reflect on our own experiences of being judged and how they made us feel, using this reflection to guide our interactions with others. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes, truly. Take a full moment, shut up, and think about the circumstances and journey this person must have taken to be where they are. We really never know exactly what someone has gone through, so at the very least, treat them like a good person and give them more than just the benefit of the doubt. Have faith that they are good, just like you. Do you like this practice of empathy? Then please, look up the word sonder.

Two more examples of transforming a judgmental mind into an empathy mindset: Practicing gratitude and focusing on the positive aspects of people and situations. Our perception shifts our mindset from one of criticism to one of appreciation. Take the time to be thankful for sharing a safe space with others and try noticing that just like yourself, others are on the same journey as you are; a journey of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (three unalienable rights considered as fundamental to the American ethos and represent core principles that underpin the nation’s values and legal system). Thank you, Thomas Jefferson!

Find Peace with being Judgemental

Don’t beat yourself up, and definitely don’t hold judgments against others; at the end of the day, judging is no one's fault; rather, it’s a bastardized survival tactic handed from our ancestors! Forget that people can be mean and forget that people want to share their poison; do everyone a favor (and especially yourself) and don’t accept that poison. Have you ever heard of the saying, “The blind leading the blind?” It is a well-known idiom describing a situation where people who are equally clueless or incompetent are guiding each other, often resulting in failure or disaster.

This astute adage highlights the futility and potential harm when leaders lack the necessary knowledge or skills. This phrase underscores the importance of having informed and capable leaders, and at some point, we are all leaders in our own spaces. Whether we like it or not, there is potential to bring about that negative judgmentality. When the sensation of judging creeps up on you or has taken over your perception, take a moment to say, “It’s okay, this isn’t who I am, and this thought isn’t what the person in front of me is.”

That kindness, that self-love, is what will transform the world. It takes persistence! Self-love takes practice! Once we are in a groove of self-loving, meaning we are kind to ourselves more often than we are rude to ourselves and others, we open a door to a whole new world. Can you begin to imagine a society based on this level of love?

Now, I know this is not new news to many people who are much wiser and have gone through these metaphorical doors long before I decided to write this. Sure, this article serves as a refresher and a bit of savory reading for these kind of folks. However, this article is meant to serve as a profound tool for those who are still struggling with overcoming the issue, the mountain that is known as judgmentality. It is in my belief that we can all find and share that inner peace.

My Judgmental Journey

I know that this is not contemporary wisdom, as what I am writing about is not fundamentally modern, and perhaps that is why I like writing about it so much. This way of thinking is old, and it’s a way of thinking that everyone can relate to. This way of thinking has deep roots, forming the foundation of religions, spirituality, and core principles of the best organizations. I have not stumbled upon something new, no. But rather, I am new to it! I have to write this article because I, too, struggle with a judgemental mindset, and I know that if I can share this insight with even the smallest fraction of the world who needs it, then, possibly, they can empower themselves to live a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

To quote legendary Robin Williams, he once said,

“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it feels like to feel absolutely worthless, and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that. Even if it’s just one person, if I can make one person happy, then my time here has been worth it.”

I choose to transform my own misunderstandings into something people can live better by. I also choose to live a greater life by championing each of these mountains with a heart intent on being a better person. It is because of countless role models and inspirational individuals who cared and dared to share their experience and wisdom that I have a shot at creating the life I truly want to live. I, too, want to empower my fellow humankind. When it comes down to it, we all want to prosper, be happy, and share love. With that in mind, judgment has no room to grow.

As always, thanks for reading, my friend, and all the best to you.

Happy Trails!

Sincerely,

Norman

Norman D. Baker Gutierrez
Empower Us Publication
Bakercreates.art
LinkedIn: Norman Baker