It’s my anniversary, although it’s probably more like a birthday.
Today it’s four years since I attempted suicide and four years since I had to reluctantly come back into the world.
I used to think that with each breakdown it would get easier. Usually once you’ve done something a few times you’ve learned from it, worked out how to do it better and figured out a system.
There is a fundamental problem with the language that is used in relation to depression. It is described and treated like it is something which people will just get over. It is not like having a cold or a touch of flu, you won’t feel bad for a week, take a vitamin C and then feel…
People seem to think that I write about depression because I’m brave or courageous or some other misappropriated word. It’s not for those reasons. It’s so I don’t have to tell people.
Depression is a person that turned up to a party that was never invited, broke all your stuff and then threw up on your bed. It’s unpredictable and makes you second guess your behaviour and your thoughts.
For the last four years I have spoken about depression and my suicide attempt. I do so because it helps me to feel better and it’s an outlet for my pain, it also helps to feel like my own experience could be helpful for someone else.
The decision to go off anti depressants was long thought out and managed over three months. When I finally came off them it was a statement to myself and everyone around me that I was getting better and that I had control over my illness.
My day is made up of dozens of tiny bargains. I will get up after I hit snooze once more, I can go back to bed as long as I take my tablet. I can sit on the couch for an hour more as long as I then eat a healthy meal. I will do some exercise after I’ve finished knitting this row. I will…
I’ve been thinking a lot about depression lately. Perhaps it’s as a result of the review of mental health funding in Australia that has been released this week. It’s more likely due to reaching the six week point for being back on medication.
A little over a year ago I stopped taking my antidepressants. After two months of dropping my doses I was given the go ahead to stop completely. It was then up to my brain to start working properly on its own.
