I Survived Three Rounds on ‘Chopped’

Last week, my gigantic head was plastered on televisions across the country when I appeared as…

A Letter to a First-Time Father

As I write this, one of my best friends is waiting for his first child to make her entrance into the…

The Awful Truth About Jogging

You thought I wouldn’t find out, runners? Your lies stop now!

Embracing My Thirties, As a Stranger Pees on Me

The August sun warmed my shoulders as I placed my youngest son in the “stop and frisk” position against the barricades of the “Peek-a-Bug” ride, so that I could spray every inch of his five-year-old flesh with SPF 80 sunblock. Deftly balancing two…

The Sad Story of Paula Deen

The Queen of Food Network, Paula Deen, has been fired for, as I’ve seen described by 50% of internet users…

Cupcake Wars

Cupcakes are officially over everybody!

What Tourists Need to Know About NYC

There is no more important rule to surviving in this town than this

I attribute much of my professional and personal success to the fact that I’m a native New Yorker. No other breed of human…

I Don’t Understand America

When I was a kid growing up in Brooklyn, I didn’t travel, as my father didn't see much use for it. “Why get on a…

It’s Complicated: Me and James Joyce in the Age of Facebook

In which a contemporary Irish novelist…

The “Great” Googa Mooga 

Seriously Jebus! What the fuck do you have against this thing?!?!!