The Transformation of the Chameleon
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
These past few weeks have been a tremendous time of personal/spiritual growth for me. It is interesting how much you can learn through difficult situations like organizational change in the workplace.
I made several significant decisions that started a major transformation in my life. The first decision was to decouple my identity (who I am) from what I do. The second decision was to not try to “fit in” to a work culture that conflicts with my core values. The third decision I made was to not invest so much of my capacity looking back at my trauma but rather focus on the future and handling the remnants when they show up in the present. These decisions alone resulted in a fundamental shift in how I show up in the workplace.
When meeting with my therapist this week, she noticed the change in me right away. She said that I looked more free than I’d ever been and that she could feel it. I have felt free to be me without trying to appease or impress those around me, and it feels wonderful!
Stepping into who you truly are after a lifetime of being a chameleon can be a challenging and rewarding experience. I’ve spent most of my life pretending to belong by blending into the environment around me, but I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I know that this is/was a coping strategy to ensure my safety, but this is no longer needed, so it’s time to put it off.
Over my lifetime, I’ve played so many different parts that I realized I didn’t know who I was anymore. At the beginning of my healing journey, I decided to stop pretending to be someone I was not and to be real. Authenticity became a treasured core value. As a result of that decision, I started showing up more vulnerable to people around me, even when I was in the messy middle. I allowed people to see my struggle. Not having to “cover-up” my struggle, showing my “true colors,” and allowing myself to show up vulnerably was the first step in the transformation of this chameleon.
Self-exploration is a critical step in the healing journey for trauma survivors. That is why it is prioritized as one of the main stages of The Resilient Career Academy’s Success Path. As survivors, we were so focused on ensuring our safety during critical developmental milestones that we did not have the opportunity or capacity to explore what our identity truly is.
In the “Discovery — Self-Exploration” stage, we can investigate our identity, core values, strengths, passions, and purpose in a safe container. It is rather ironic that I am entering this stage with my group coaching membership clients and that we are walking this path together. In doing this work with my clients, I feel a sense of true belonging. Just because I’m a coach doesn’t mean I don’t have to work my own program. I will not be a hypocrite by telling them to “do as I say, not as I do,” because I heard that too often growing up.
I don’t have to create my identity because it already lives somewhere inside me, among the costume piles from all the parts I’ve played. The challenge is to strip away all the expectations of others, the desire to “fit in,” and all pretense to reveal, with compassion, who I really am without the facade. I have had moments when I showed up authentically and immediately sensed the difference in my internal system. Still, I was also surprised by how empowering and freeing it felt. I want more of that.
I welcome this next stage of my healing journey as a true adventure and look forward to getting started. Thus begins the transformation of the chameleon.
