You Seek Assurance. Abusers Seek Unbalance.
The ultimate trick of their trade.
Use These 5 Pains For Inspiration On Your Next Work.
I grew up really close to the farm- my grandmother’s. She reared goats and lots of chickens. There is one very interesting Igbo proverb that I saw firsthand on the farm- “when a chicken comes into a new environment, it first stands on one leg”.
A simple implication of that proverb is this: in a new environment, one must be cautious.
Abuse is new territory- for you.
For an abuser, this is just an old trick.
An abuser will very rarely show you who they are on day one but as my mother will say- in time- their inner self will begin to show out and that is when you will find yourself like the chicken- standing on one leg.
An abuser wants you on one leg. You seek assurance, they seek imbalance- your imbalance.
Notice the tricks of their trade- gaslighting, manipulation, denials, fear and the likes? Abusers are their own santa with life lessons.
Preparing To Leave An Abusive Relationship? Remember The Tortoise.
You have an argument and they twist and bend your words until you cannot even recognize them? You wonder- am I losing my mind? Suddenly you are now misremembering things that were clear. When you quote them- it wasn’t in context? When you remind them of their promise- you are choking them?
Never forget- an abuser wants you unbalanced.
One of the things I learned in abuse was to stop seeking assurance from my abuser. They will give you fluff. They will give you chaff. They will give you everything hollow and nothing concrete so you will spend days and days and days dissecting, checking every nuance, confused- on one leg. Right where they want you.
Thank you for reading.
My name is Adaobi Okwy. Please turn on Email Notification for my next post. Also, Buy me coffee?
