10 Great Bits of Advice a Man Needs in Living in Harmony with His Wife

O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], and from them both He created many men and women and fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allah is Ever an All-Watcher over you. — Qur’an 4[An-Nisa]:1

Humanity has never known a religion that has honored women more than Islam. Forget what the media tells you, it’s a story for another day. Today in sha Allah, we’d examine some words of wisdom in which if you implement, you’d find harmony in living with your spouse. These admonitions can be literally traced back to the Qur’an and Sunnah. Before we savor the bits, here’s a beautiful eulogy in honor of women:

Women are sisters of men. Only a good man honors them and only a wretched man humiliates them. Only an ignorant underestimates the rights of women. Shouldn’t we honor the one whom Allah has honored? Is there not in the Qur’an a whole chapter revealed about women? Didn’t the messenger of Allah encourage us to respect and treat women well?

So here are golden pieces of advice that will benefit you in attaining peace within your home…

1. Women like attention: Pay detailed attention to your wife. When she dresses, tell her she’s beautiful. If she talks to you, give her a listening ear. Spend quality time with her. Sometimes, this is the crux of what a woman wants from her husband — attention, not wealth.
2. Women like to be told they are loved: Most men take this for granted but there’s nothing wrong in telling your wife “I LOVE YOU”. The Prophet peace be upon him used to tell his wife, Aisha he loved her, so what’s wrong with you? Some men last pronounced their love for their wives before marriage. Men often think that by providing for women, they show love and care. Yes, that could be a part of it from a man’s perspective but professing it in words really matters to women.
3. Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one: You’d need to learn how to use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind. Don’t be too demanding and harsh with your wife. As well, do not be lax with her; for if you do, she’d take you for a ride. Hence, observe moderation for this is a balanced course.
4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them: As you’d love your wife to look beautiful and attractive to you, the same lies with her as well. Ladies love a man with good looks, clean clothes, and above all a pleasant smell. Therefore, kill her with the ouds and always remain in a pure state. In fact, if you do this often, it will get to a point where she will tell you to stop in order not to attract other women.
5. Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman: Know, Oh Brother! While your wife remains in her home, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne and that she is the chief of the house. Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise, you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at the one who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else”.
6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time, she does not want to lose her family: Do not put yourself and her family on the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life. A grave amount of men make this mistake, so take heed. Love your wife, respect her family, and do not deny her the right of associating with them.
7. Surely a woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her: Understand that this is no defect in her, because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved’. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her. Otherwise, you will simply break her and her breaking is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise, her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so stay in between the two.
8. It is in women’s nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favors: As a man, you need to know that sometimes your wife will catch an attitude and react in an unusual manner. Such that if you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, ‘I have never seen any good from you. So don’t let this attitude of her make you dislike her or run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance. This is the beginning of wisdom, oh brother! So when your wife nags, you should understand and not pull off a shirt.
9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind: During these times, Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships. He has totally pardoned her from praying and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days”.
10. Know that a woman is like a captive with you, therefore, have mercy upon her: I’ve seen fathers cry when they betroth their daughters to a son-in-law. It’s not that they want a show of weakness but they understand that power is shifting hands. It indirectly means they’re entrusting the life of their jewel to you, so handle it with care. Show kindness and mercy to your wife and in sha Allah your affairs will be well.

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Yaumul Jumu’ah 6th rabiul Awwal 1442 AH / Friday 23rd October 2020.