Absent Without Leave.

Dear Self,

Up until 4 days ago I had written something every day for 236 days.

Then I just broke that streak. I went AWOL on you.

How did this happen? Where did I go? Is everything ok?

The sweet spot — timing, circumstances, audacity and luck!

Dear Self,

There’s nothing quite like hitting the sweet spot.

For me it’s a magical combination of timing, circumstance, life experience, natural ability, hard work, enthusiasm…

A guitar, a juke box, a fire and friends.

Dear Self,

If I ever seem down or like I don’t know where my feet are just remind me to sit in a room with an open fire and a bunch of friends.

Some people don’t like me.

Dear Self,

Not everyone likes me.

Over several years now this has become obvious.

Some people are just plain stupid, and so they don’t like me.

Obvious, naïve but insightful questions.

Dear Self,

I really admire people who can look at new information and ask the most obvious, naïve but insightful questions.

The kinds of questions that when you first hear them your instinct is to dismiss…

I don’t know what I’m doing.

Dear Self,

It is becoming increasingly obvious to me that I don’t know what it is that I’m doing.

Whatever it is it requires me to get in and out of a lot of taxis. Taxi drivers and hairdressers love to ask you what you do.

I think some people like me.

Dear Self,

I think that some people like me.

They may not think I’m perfect, they might notice when I am a bit off centre and misaligned. They might even find me annoying at times, but they like me.

I’m all over the shop.

Dear Self,

I feel impatient.

I feel like I want certain things to have happened, or be happening for me and they are not and I just hate waiting for it all to happen.

A traffic jam of gratitude and stuff.

Dear Self,

I find ‘stuff’ overwhelming.

When it comes to throwing things away I tend to get myself into a traffic jam. I want to go back to zero and throw everything away and I want to keep things that remind me…

You are ok.

Dear Self,

What do I need right now?

I just need someone to say to me…

You are ok.

That should be enough to put a full stop under my mudslide of questioning and double guessing everything I am doing.