Adhivāsanā: Day Ten — Elation
“I forced myself to sit when I didn’t have to, and no longer dreaded the prospect.”
Morning practice was challenging — I couldn’t wait to break the silence. Nevertheless, I sat well, pulsing awareness throughout my body. Time became difficult to quantify again.
When the silence was finally broken, the hallways were constantly abuzz with conversation. We were allowed to speak with the women, and hung out in the female dining hall, reading literature and meeting each other. Dhamma Karuṇā had drawn people of all stripes from all over the world.
Travelers from Spain and Germany.
Silicon Valley types who didn’t want to be waitlisted for six months.
Esoteric Albertans with world-changing ideas and ventures.
Older, wiser folks with deep-seated, lifelong work to be done.
Younger people like myself with a desire for understanding.
Conversations had that day were some of the most meaningful in recent memory.
We continued to work diligently despite the distractions. I forced myself to sit when I didn’t have to, and no longer dreaded the prospect. In fact, it felt like a nice respite from the pleasant overwhelm I experienced during conversation.
Realizing that we were on the last day, I wasn’t sure how to feel. Would it be easier to stay as a monk forever, or go back into the world?
On this day we learned the mettā branch of meditation — of loving kindness. Goenka-ji described it as a soothing balm for the deep self-surgery we’d been doing. It involved a heavy focus on gratitude and sharing one’s merits with the world and with those who needed it.
The evening group sit marked the reinstatement of male-female segregation. After the night’s discourse and final sit, we spoke well into the night.
Tomorrow would mark my return to Calgary.
