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A Little Satire for Your Head?

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  • Queefing Just as Gross as Ass Farts

    Queefing Just as Gross as Ass Farts

    MADISON, WI— After weeks of laboratory observations involving two dozen randomly selected female co-eds at the University of Wisconsin…
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    Jack Gasper
    Apr 22, 2020
    Pennsylvania Liquor Stores Now Accepting Orders by Carrier Pigeon

    Pennsylvania Liquor Stores Now Accepting Orders by Carrier Pigeon

    HARRISBURG, PA — After weeks of unrest and growing anxiety among a quarantined population, the Pennsylvania government has decided to join…
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    Jack Gasper
    Apr 20, 2020
    Male Feminist Finally Weasels His Way into Woman’s Knickers

    Male Feminist Finally Weasels His Way into Woman’s Knickers

    BROOKLYN, NYC — In breaking news, according to all of Jennifer’s friends, one male feminist’s efforts to get touched may have finally paid…
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    Jack Gasper
    Mar 18, 2020
    CVS Pharmacist Tells Everyone in Waiting Room that Woman’s Infected Vagina Cream Is Ready

    CVS Pharmacist Tells Everyone in Waiting Room that Woman’s Infected Vagina Cream Is Ready

    WEST PHILADELPHIA — Reports from onlookers indicate that around 7 pm last night at the CVS pharmacy on Baltimore Avenue, Philadelphia the…
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    Jack Gasper
    Jul 12, 2019
    Woman Who Insists on Being ‘One of the Guys’, Ruins Guys’ Night Again

    Woman Who Insists on Being ‘One of the Guys’, Ruins Guys’ Night Again

    ARDMORE, PA — According to multiple witnesses present at Greg Bailey’s monthly poker game last evening, his wife Jill committed…
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    Jack Gasper
    Jul 11, 2019
    Homophobic Feminist Criticizes the Male Gays

    Homophobic Feminist Criticizes the Male Gays

    POMONA UNIVERSITY, CA —  Last evening in the McKenzie Hall of Queer Studies, feminist activist Laura Mulvey presented a lecture titled…
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    Jack Gasper
    May 16, 2019
    Dementia Patient’s Autobiography Capitalizes on Unreliable Narrator Trend

    Dementia Patient’s Autobiography Capitalizes on Unreliable Narrator Trend

    As I turned the final page of “Forgetting to Remember: One Woman’s Tale of Mental Decay”, the latest and thank goodness last memoir from…
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    Jack Gasper
    Apr 17, 2019
    Dentist Commits Suicide to No One’s Surprise

    Dentist Commits Suicide to No One’s Surprise

    TOLEDO, OH — Yesterday afternoon, longtime Toledo resident and dentist, Lance Brown, was discovered dead in his office from apparent…
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    Jack Gasper
    Apr 9, 2019
    Local Cow Bar Refuses to Serve Horses

    Local Cow Bar Refuses to Serve Horses

    OAK HILL, OHIO — Outrage erupted across social media last evening after a local cow bar refused to serve a rag of horses who entered the…
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    Jack Gasper
    Apr 4, 2019
    Man in Gym Shorts Loses Everything in Pockets

    Man in Gym Shorts Loses Everything in Pockets

    VINELAND, NEW JERSEY — Late last evening, New Jersey native Jim Wynell irritated his friends and family after losing everything in his…
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    Jack Gasper
    Oct 25, 2018
    White Guy with Dreads Has No Idea He’s “That Guy”

    White Guy with Dreads Has No Idea He’s “That Guy”

    BLOOMSBURG, PA — Despite assurances from friends and strangers alike that he is most definitely “That Guy”, one Bloomsburg creative…
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    Jack Gasper
    Oct 6, 2018
    Plastic Surgery Recipient Not Surprised, Despite Appearing Otherwise

    Plastic Surgery Recipient Not Surprised, Despite Appearing Otherwise

    MALIBU, CA — For months now one Malibu housewife has caused a stir in her community. The commotion did not arise from any action or speech…
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    Jack Gasper
    Oct 5, 2018
    With Church Attendance in Decline So Too is Childhood Trauma

    With Church Attendance in Decline So Too is Childhood Trauma

    During the last quarter century church attendance has drastically decreased in America. According to a 2014 Pew Research study, “The…
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    Jack Gasper
    Oct 3, 2018
    I Changed My Title From Hooker to Sex Worker, but My Ass Still Hurts

    I Changed My Title From Hooker to Sex Worker, but My Ass Still Hurts

    KENSINGTON, PHILADELPHIA — As gentrification continues to spread across the northeast section of Philadelphia, one area native, a sex…
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    Jack Gasper
    Sep 26, 2018
    Man Who Doesn’t Believe in Washing Jeans Smells Terrible When it Rains

    Man Who Doesn’t Believe in Washing Jeans Smells Terrible When it Rains

    ALBURTIS, PA — Located 15 miles past a small town no one’s heard of lies the even more insignificant locale of Alburtis, PA. While not much…
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    Jack Gasper
    Sep 25, 2018
    Pentecostal Man Accused of Blasphemy After Speaking in Tongues to Mexican Maid

    Pentecostal Man Accused of Blasphemy After Speaking in Tongues to Mexican Maid

    CHARLESTON, SC — Outrage consumed a Pentecostal church this week after Jaclyn Boyle, a member of the congregation, reported overhearing…
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    Jack Gasper
    Sep 24, 2018
    Young Author with Fear of Being Read Decides to Pursue Poetry

    Young Author with Fear of Being Read Decides to Pursue Poetry

    IOWA CITY, IOWA — R.Q. Barnes grew up loving books. He spent the afternoons of his youth reading everything he could get his hands on, from…
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    Jack Gasper
    Sep 14, 2018
    I Used to Have a Drug Problem… Now I Just Beat My Kids!

    I Used to Have a Drug Problem… Now I Just Beat My Kids!

    I’ve worked really hard to get where I am today.
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    Jack Gasper
    Sep 13, 2018
    School Bully Furious Nerd Got Cancer

    School Bully Furious Nerd Got Cancer

    BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA — Earlier this week, deep in the southern most region of America, far from any ongoing work of importance or semblance…
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    Jack Gasper
    Sep 12, 2018
    Necrophiliac Speaker Begins with Cold Open

    Necrophiliac Speaker Begins with Cold Open

    KING OF PRUSSIA, PA — Yesterday evening at the Barnes and Noble in King of Prussia, the infamous necrophiliac criminal, Harvey Muhrer…
    Go to the profile of Jack Gasper
    Jack Gasper
    Jul 10, 2018
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