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A Little Satire for Your Head?
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Pennsylvania Liquor Stores Now Accepting Orders by Carrier Pigeon
Pennsylvania Liquor Stores Now Accepting Orders by Carrier Pigeon
HARRISBURG, PA — After weeks of unrest and growing anxiety among a quarantined population, the Pennsylvania government has decided to join…
Jack Gasper
Apr 20, 2020
Male Feminist Finally Weasels His Way into Woman’s Knickers
Male Feminist Finally Weasels His Way into Woman’s Knickers
BROOKLYN, NYC — In breaking news, according to all of Jennifer’s friends, one male feminist’s efforts to get touched may have finally paid…
Jack Gasper
Mar 18, 2020
CVS Pharmacist Tells Everyone in Waiting Room that Woman’s Infected Vagina Cream Is Ready
CVS Pharmacist Tells Everyone in Waiting Room that Woman’s Infected Vagina Cream Is Ready
WEST PHILADELPHIA — Reports from onlookers indicate that around 7 pm last night at the CVS pharmacy on Baltimore Avenue, Philadelphia the…
Jack Gasper
Jul 12, 2019
Woman Who Insists on Being ‘One of the Guys’, Ruins Guys’ Night Again
Woman Who Insists on Being ‘One of the Guys’, Ruins Guys’ Night Again
ARDMORE, PA — According to multiple witnesses present at Greg Bailey’s monthly poker game last evening, his wife Jill committed…
Jack Gasper
Jul 11, 2019
Homophobic Feminist Criticizes the Male Gays
Homophobic Feminist Criticizes the Male Gays
POMONA UNIVERSITY, CA — Last evening in the McKenzie Hall of Queer Studies, feminist activist Laura Mulvey presented a lecture titled…
Jack Gasper
May 16, 2019
Dementia Patient’s Autobiography Capitalizes on Unreliable Narrator Trend
Dementia Patient’s Autobiography Capitalizes on Unreliable Narrator Trend
As I turned the final page of “Forgetting to Remember: One Woman’s Tale of Mental Decay”, the latest and thank goodness last memoir from…
Jack Gasper
Apr 17, 2019
Dentist Commits Suicide to No One’s Surprise
Dentist Commits Suicide to No One’s Surprise
TOLEDO, OH — Yesterday afternoon, longtime Toledo resident and dentist, Lance Brown, was discovered dead in his office from apparent…
Jack Gasper
Apr 9, 2019
Local Cow Bar Refuses to Serve Horses
Local Cow Bar Refuses to Serve Horses
OAK HILL, OHIO — Outrage erupted across social media last evening after a local cow bar refused to serve a rag of horses who entered the…
Jack Gasper
Apr 4, 2019
Man in Gym Shorts Loses Everything in Pockets
Man in Gym Shorts Loses Everything in Pockets
VINELAND, NEW JERSEY — Late last evening, New Jersey native Jim Wynell irritated his friends and family after losing everything in his…
Jack Gasper
Oct 25, 2018
White Guy with Dreads Has No Idea He’s “That Guy”
White Guy with Dreads Has No Idea He’s “That Guy”
BLOOMSBURG, PA — Despite assurances from friends and strangers alike that he is most definitely “That Guy”, one Bloomsburg creative…
Jack Gasper
Oct 6, 2018
Plastic Surgery Recipient Not Surprised, Despite Appearing Otherwise
Plastic Surgery Recipient Not Surprised, Despite Appearing Otherwise
MALIBU, CA — For months now one Malibu housewife has caused a stir in her community. The commotion did not arise from any action or speech…
Jack Gasper
Oct 5, 2018
With Church Attendance in Decline So Too is Childhood Trauma
With Church Attendance in Decline So Too is Childhood Trauma
During the last quarter century church attendance has drastically decreased in America. According to a 2014 Pew Research study, “The…
Jack Gasper
Oct 3, 2018
I Changed My Title From Hooker to Sex Worker, but My Ass Still Hurts
I Changed My Title From Hooker to Sex Worker, but My Ass Still Hurts
KENSINGTON, PHILADELPHIA — As gentrification continues to spread across the northeast section of Philadelphia, one area native, a sex…
Jack Gasper
Sep 26, 2018
Man Who Doesn’t Believe in Washing Jeans Smells Terrible When it Rains
Man Who Doesn’t Believe in Washing Jeans Smells Terrible When it Rains
ALBURTIS, PA — Located 15 miles past a small town no one’s heard of lies the even more insignificant locale of Alburtis, PA. While not much…
Jack Gasper
Sep 25, 2018
Pentecostal Man Accused of Blasphemy After Speaking in Tongues to Mexican Maid
Pentecostal Man Accused of Blasphemy After Speaking in Tongues to Mexican Maid
CHARLESTON, SC — Outrage consumed a Pentecostal church this week after Jaclyn Boyle, a member of the congregation, reported overhearing…
Jack Gasper
Sep 24, 2018
Young Author with Fear of Being Read Decides to Pursue Poetry
Young Author with Fear of Being Read Decides to Pursue Poetry
IOWA CITY, IOWA — R.Q. Barnes grew up loving books. He spent the afternoons of his youth reading everything he could get his hands on, from…
Jack Gasper
Sep 14, 2018
I Used to Have a Drug Problem… Now I Just Beat My Kids!
I Used to Have a Drug Problem… Now I Just Beat My Kids!
I’ve worked really hard to get where I am today.
Jack Gasper
Sep 13, 2018
School Bully Furious Nerd Got Cancer
School Bully Furious Nerd Got Cancer
BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA — Earlier this week, deep in the southern most region of America, far from any ongoing work of importance or semblance…
Jack Gasper
Sep 12, 2018
Necrophiliac Speaker Begins with Cold Open
Necrophiliac Speaker Begins with Cold Open
KING OF PRUSSIA, PA — Yesterday evening at the Barnes and Noble in King of Prussia, the infamous necrophiliac criminal, Harvey Muhrer…
Jack Gasper
Jul 10, 2018
Narcissist with Low Self-Esteem Certain It’s All His Fault
Narcissist with Low Self-Esteem Certain It’s All His Fault
CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE, AMERICA — Yesterday afternoon, while strolling through the center of all meaning and existence, one man claimed…
Jack Gasper
Jul 3, 2018
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